Life time of multiple multiple losses

by Bea
(New England area)

My entire life has been one loss after another. My sister died in a fire, a few years later my brother dies of cancer, then my nephew died, then the only uncle I knew & seen all the time dies suddenly. Then the death of two half brothers that I was very close to (they were murdered), then the only pet I loved deeply died. I lost the only two friends I ever had, one by death, the other is just gone & I dont know where-why or how, no one does. The dath loss of not only one husband but two, then a couple divorces after that, I started picking men who I knew the relationship wouldnt last, due to fear of getting close to someone to just loose them. Then my dad died, mom is near death, I have another brother who's health is very poor & he may not have many more years left. And the latest loss is my only child who has mental health issues, the loss of my child is not by death, but it sure feels just as bad. My son, mid 20s, moved a bit over a year ago into his own apartment 30 miles away. I learned to be ok with that, but one week ago he told me he was moving thousands of mils away. I never believed it would happen but he actually left this month of Feb 2013. I am devastated & filled with such fear. He has never been able to get a job or drivers license due to his mental condition, yet he left and is gone. He barely had any money when he left, and he has never been far away, he dont have the social skills to be with people, but yet he is gone. Even though the state had him in a mental care hospital for a while to regulate the proper meds and his condition, he is still his own man & can leave and has already done so. My son was the last and only person I had left, I now have no one. My son and I got along great, but he wanted to move & attempt to start a life far far away. I never caused this, I never used guilt to make him stay near me, maybe I should have, but I didnt. I understand his reasons for moving far away & his reasons made sense, but it dont stop the hurt or fear in side me.
I cant sleep, eat, or focus to work. I have such a bad feeling in my sole that I am going to never see my son again. I dont know what to do. I just cry, sometimes rock in my chair, pace the floor. I dont know what to do, this is one of the worst feelings I have ever had to deal with. Its like I am cursed with forever loss. I can only hope he is safe and all works out for him where ever he is. I dont know what to do. I feel so empty, so lost, so afraid.

Comments for Life time of multiple multiple losses

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Feb 10, 2013
you are in my prayers
by: Beata

Dear Bea you will be in my prayers and your family

Feb 10, 2013
Dear Bea,
by: Pat in Missouri

Dear Heart, You have led a life of loss. This is really tough. Now that your only child has left, your losses have all mounted on top of you like a mountain. I hear it in your message. To give yourself a little peace of mind, you might call your local mental health agency and ask if they can put out an alert with the police for your son. If he has been hospitalized, they know him and will know best what to do. If your son is unable to get a driver's license or job, it is likely he will have to depend on other people to get to wherever he is going. Surely, someone will notify you or your son will himself. In the meantime, you need to take care of yourself. I suggest that you seek some help through your church or look for counseling for yourself. You need to help yourself through this tough time. Obviously, you are the strong 1 in your family. You have endured so much and are still here. A visit to your doctor could also help you to deal with your anxiety and depression. Asking for outside help is a sign of a lady who cares about herself and wants to be there for those who still need her. I had to so it for myself too. I hope you will post again and let me know how you are. New England was my home as a small child. I wish you peace, comfort, and hope. Pat

Feb 10, 2013
Life time of multiple multiple losses
by: Doreen U.K.

Bea I am sorry for all the people you have lost from your life. The first thing you should do is try and see a COUNSELLOR. Who will be trained to support you in all these losses. I have done this and I have the skills now to go on in life and encourage and support others. I know how you feel. It is a crushing feeling to suddenly find yourself all on your own as if you were the only person on the planet. You feel so insecure. I still feel like this after losing my husband of 44yrs. ago to cancer. I thought this would never happen till he was older. I thought he was destined to have at least another 20 years to live as his parents and sibling are in their 80's. My husband died at 65yrs. All my 3 Adult children live their own lives and I feel LOST. It is difficult to find yourself with an EMPTY NEST. This can cause depression. A trained counsellor can help you to move forward into a new frame of mind where you will get your life back and be able to move forward in life. After counselling you may be able to attract the right person for You and you will be able to find happiness again. Start by writing down all your feelings in a journal and try and put down what you want out of life. What are your expectations? then you can build on this and you will soon find what you are looking for is starting to emerge. It is difficult to start this process because even myself I don't know what I want out of life yet. I am too busy putting this house right with all its problems. I have got my motivation back and now I will have to start painting the house and doing repairs. But I will do one wall a day and then rest. Find what works for you. Think success and it will happen for you. Get excited that you don't have to answer to anyone and you can PLAN your life how you want. First step. See a counsellor. Everything will start to fall into place. I know it is scary. I am in the same place taking my own advice to you. Lets do it together.

Feb 10, 2013
He will be Back
by: Anonymous

Bea, so sorry for all your losses. Your son will be back and he will be all right. I have a step daughter who was a genius and lost it in her 20s. She went to different continents and the mental illness got worse by the time she was almost 30. She had 3 confinements in an institution after her meltdowns 3 years ago. My mom died the year she was diagnosed of schizo, a year later, my brothe died, then a year later my dad. On Nov 17, my 23 yr old son died in an accident. It feels like a curse.
my stepdaughter now is dependent on psyche meds and can't hold or find a job a job. She had a full ride on her masters degree and had a great job. Now all she does is read in one place from dawn to dusk. It is hard and now she lives in an apartment near my other 2 sons at university.

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