Life without mom

by Joe
(Birmingham uk)

My mom Lorraine died 6 months ago of cancer she was a beautiful kind selfless woman who had battled cancer for 8 years i was very very close with my mom and miss her very much she was a proud strong she was gifted with many admirable qualities which were her weaknesses too she never showed pain and felt most happiest helping others it was impossible to see a victim or patient she was just mom
I would continue to treat mom like mom for 7 years and then things changed
My sister was pregnant her bf was useless mom was becoming more dependent and i had my own family 2 kids gf job something had to give it did ME !!
Mom was becoming more erratic And i was becoming more and more worried and angry and just very emotional mom was becoming more ill she would go hospital and it was becoming more often we were making friends with other families on ward "622" it was a peaceful place in a worried time time was running out it felt run out and i we were all just waiting anticipating my worst fear moms death
Mom wants to give up she just couldn't stop fighting its who she is its just not enough she will never except she needs looking after she will not become a burden
Mom is pushing us all away i read up on cancer and the later stages and its as it says its the stages of death mom is openly depending on me requesting only me i was her friend her son
I am crum led inside and only the sound of my mom laughing and joking can uplift me which i never stopped trying to recreate she was my mom until the end strong proud
I spend days with her at the hospice i am suffering with her its become very much about me and my mom my family are there but not in outr journey everyday she gets more tired more sad more fed up i pray for her to smile again laugh some more the last day i decide to go to work so i go see mom in morning she is passing i felt alone that morning i kissed her wrote in the book of memories and went to work i knew my mom was passing that day
6 pm the call to come to hospice she has passed away i wasn't any think i was relieved but scared i am still relieved but scared it is the hardest time in my life and i know i will be ok and i will embrace this time and grieve time is the healer

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