Like a punch to the face

by Ev
(United States)

Is this pain that I feel. I do not have anyone to talk to about it because no one wants to see me sad or really talk about it. People just do not know wwhat to say.
So at home I cry and cry and cry or when I am out in the street not when someone I know is around. I am the only daughter.
If I see someone I know I just say I am fine. I hate doing that but that is how it is.
It comes and it goes but the pain is always there . This is month number five.
I know my mom died but sometimes I am shocked that she is not here with me.
I cannot afford counseling at this time. My faith in God is what sustains me but the sadness is still there .
Just the memories haunt me.

Comments for Like a punch to the face

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Nov 21, 2014
by: Ev

Will be the pain that I feel and how much I miss my mother. Two years this January.
She loved me for who I was.

Oct 14, 2014
Still hard to believe
by: Ev

Although I know my mother's gone. I just cannot still accept it. In a few months it will be 2 years

Jul 09, 2013
my beautiful mama
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss. I to lost my sweet beautiful mom on January 12, 2013. I know your pain.. I was very close to her and she was my everything, my mom and my best friend. . I pray for her everyday and go to church and in those two places I feel so comfortable while praying that I cry for her and release some of that pain..
I miss her and sometimes it hits me that she is gone, and I have to tell myself not forever I will see her again... Hang in there. God Bless..

Jun 29, 2013
So much pain
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry about your loss. My mom passed suddenly almost one month ago, we were very very close so I know this pain you are talking about. Sometimes I feel as though I can't breathe because it hurt so bad...just keep your faith in God, because I think that's the only way to continue on day after day with so much pain.

Jun 29, 2013
undescribable pain
by: Anonymous

Dear Eve, understand what you are going through. My mom passed away 2 years ago and the tears are still flowing. The pain was excruciating during the first year. You can feel the aloneness even in a room full of people. There is this overwhelming emptiness that refuse to go away. People who have not experience grief seem to have the idea that the pain will just go away with time. But its not the case. What has helped me a little during the early days of my grieving was the writing of a journal; The recording of how I felt, my regrets, things I wanted to do or say to her in this journal gave me some relief. Perhaps, you can give it a try.

Jun 27, 2013
Thank you everyone
by: Eve

Who has responded. There are no really any grief groups close by. I just will just have to wait for now.

Jun 25, 2013
like a punch to the face
by: silver

DON'T I KNOW IT! My dad died after a long battle with cancer.I always thought of my mother as a strong woman.My dad was military and she took care of 6 kids,packed up and moved about every 3 yrs and sometimes was away from dad for a several months to a year.She always took care of everything to with being a family...bills,letters,phone calls,school projects and events as well.They were married for 64 & 1/2 yrs when he died.At first she still went out a lot,then all of a sudden she just sat in a chair,watched TV and slept.My youngest son lived with them and helped out a lot.He tried to get her to go out but she only did it twice before she began saying NO.She died,medically,of a blood clot to the heart from sitting in a chair so long.When I got the call that she had quit breathing and was on the way to the hospital,I couldn't believe it.I lost it in the ER waiting room.I would have fallen to the floor but for my nephew.She has been gone for 3 yrs in 5 days.This yr Mother's Day was the hardest I faced.The point of this is that no one can tell you how to grieve or how long to grieve.I thought the worst was over but sometimes it sneaks up on you.I am handling it better most of the time.It does get easier.It will never go away.Like you my faith in GOD is what has gotten me through.Like you I can't afford counseling.I just read the Bible and pray for strength each day.I BELIEVE that I WILL see her again one day and be able to hold her again.I believe that for you too.GOD send you strength and peace.I send you hugs for when you need them.I'll keep you in my prayers.

Jun 25, 2013
Like a punch to the face
by: Doreen U.K.

Ev I am sorry for your loss of your mom 5 months ago and how grief is crushing you. WE all know how you feel. For me I lost my husband of 44yrs. 14 months ago and I am having more bad grief days. Yesterday was the worst I have felt for a long time. I have no one to talk to either who understands. Most people think we should be getting over our loss. But it doesn't work this way. The pain is unbearable SORROW. You are fortunate if you can get into a grief group and share your feelings with others and receive support this way. In my country this is not so common. Talking to other people is what is going to help you. You can also keep a journal and write out all your thoughts and feelings as if talking to your mom. This way you will start to heal. Talking to other people who understand. Many people go to counsellors because they have no one to talk to. It is talking, and crying that is a large part of grieving our loss. If you have a Church or Holy place you can go to you will be among people who may be able to offer you support. For all of us GOOD SUPPORT does help us in grief. May God comfort you at this time and give you Peace. Write back here as often as you need to.

Jun 24, 2013
I share your pain
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad five months ago, and I feel the same way you do. I cry when I am alone, in my car, at never ends. But I feel like I have to tell people "I am o.k.", because nobody wants to see me sad anymmore. I can't believe my father is gone and I am not in counseling either. I am too tired emotionally to even go. I hope you find peace.....

Jun 24, 2013
Dear Ev
by: Judith in California

Ev, you may want to consider joining a grief support group. It doesn't costs anything. Most hospitals, or churches have them so call and see okay?

You may seem alone but you do have us here to talk to. And we understand loss so well.

Your Mom would not want you to spend your life crying . She no longer has to suffer pain. God is caring for her now. Please fond some joy in those thoughts and God bless you and give you strength to move past your grief to the peaceful accepting side.

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