like father like son wished he wouldve im adhd
My name is David my dad died Nov 4 th 2010 at the age of 51. It's really hard to write this please pace yourself I have adhd and get off track a lot.my dad wad a Christian man musician and he was an alcoholic and struggled in pain staying sober he got clean at 28 years old. He always tried to reach out to me but I felt like I pushed him away . Even though he loved me i was his fovorite growing up I only thing we had in common was music and even then I had social anxiety cause of the adhd. I was picked on and laughed at because people thought I was a wierd space cadet. He never did but none the less it was hard. He would hold me when I was young if I had bad dreams he would let me sleep next to him cause his stregnth love and warmth put me to sleep. My mom didn't care for me as much I annoyed her with my hyperness. I feel responsible now that I look back. When my parents divorced she stayed a few years then left new Mexico and moved to new york. She didn't really ever call me. My cousins would get mad cause she would come into town and not call when they had bbqs. All this time my fathers still there for me but I didn't really open up to him until I was saved when I was 23. I'm pretty sure my mother hates men or hates me because I'm like him. My father devoted his time to helping others. Something I admire. he went to prisons to teach gospel and tell his stories to others with drug addiction and how to live free of the pain of addiction. I loved him so much but never told him cause I was scared. Just never thought people liked me much I was annoying and hyper. It was hard to keep friends.all this time he was there waiting for me never judging me never attacking me he knew me better than anyone I was him just he was better with people and dealt with his pain . I got the call and went into hysteria as expected I drank all night at a metal bar in nola crying at the bar missed my flight I was so drunk I couldn't barely walk.when they picked me up. I have been in self destruct mode since then here lied the most wonderful caring being in my world the only man I trusted ,my rock, my reason for working hard, gone . I can't get passed not saying hey dad you were the best you taught me well and you loved me unconditionally. It's hard to breath without him I wish he was here so I can say that everyday to Him, the cool thing is if all this god stuff is true Jesus took his pain away he doesn't have to suffer anymore he spent his whole life swallowing everyone else's pain and his why I don't know but he's the greatest man I know. I love you dad I'm sorry I was an a..hole rip russ ballew 2010 Clayton nm.