oMy marriage was very up and down it was either a whirlwind of romance and love or he was very abusive and controlling still is. We had to sell house because of his drinking getting sacked from his work many times when we were totally broke and I had to have 3 jobs to just keep going doing heavy manual work and starting at 5am freezing cold sometimes until 11pm it was awful. I tried my best he was dressed in the latest gear suits etc every day, would go on 4day drink binges then haul me out of bed either battering me or forcing me to have sex. I could write a book about the things some real bad that he did in all our time together and the verbal and emotional abuse we had to endure. My relationship with my two kids is damaged I love my kids unconditionally but, I have been the sounding board for their troubles they both speak down to me especially my daughter, she has real issues my son's ex wife is causing mega problems he has not seen his two girls age 4 and 6 since before xmas all their presents are in my house its heartbreaking . I have and still am letting my husband come over even although he has another woman who had plenty money that she lavishes on him taking him out travelling to shows, weekends away the list goes on and I get abuse from the two of them why oh why can I not get him out of my head I feel like I am going mad.I still love him with all my heart and it torments me thinking of him sleeping with her I have only known my husband since I was 19yrs that's 36yrs ago I pray that someone will help me to move on, or at least learn to live with this pain everyday I am so alone I often wish I had succeeded in my suicide but, when I see my baby granddaughters I feel so bad having these thoughts .I hope someone replies with some ideas for me to try thank you x.