Linda's story - deeply mourning the loss of my Mom

by Linda Sharp
(Ontario, Canada)

My mom recently died on November 2, 2011 after a brief illness, just five months after we lost my dad on May 18th, 2011. My mom was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer at the end of August. It was surreal. I was in shock along with my brothers, and the rest of our family.
Our family has been under severe stress ever since my dad had a debilitating stroke 8 years ago. My mother was the primary caregiver, and cared for our dad in their home for 7 years. I often would stay at my parent’s home, sometimes days at a time, to help my mom as each day presented new challenges. At the time, I had a young family, just started a new career, and lived an hour away. Somehow we made it work, but it was not without its challenges and there was often emotional turmoil. My mom and I grew even closer during those years.
I miss our talks, my mom's phone calls to check in on me and her two Grandchildren (ages 17 and 23), shopping trips, and all the special holidays we will never celebrate again.
I am 51 years old, and my mom was my best friend. My mom was someone I could confide in and talk about everything and anything. Life will never be the same again.
My soul is still in turmoil. I went through all the stages of grief early on when my mom first got diagnosed. I felt my life crashing down around me, and thought I would lose my mind. Somehow I found the strength to be there for my mom during her two month hospital stay, and comfort her the best I knew how until she took her last breath.
My family and younger brother's family have booked a vacation to a sunny destination this year. We could not stand the thought of celebrating Christmas at home this year. Too many memories and it would be much too difficult.
It is hard every day for me, but have learned this is a necessary step through grief, and has to be faced. Hopefully, the time will come when the pain won't be so unbearable. I have tried to hold on to my faith, but there are days when I can't pray or reach out to God.
Through my research and inquiries with services in our community, funeral homes, and my doctor, that there is little support. For example I was shocked to learn that the Coping Centre in our community onlly offered grief support groups in the fall or spring. We live in Ontario, Canada, and I am having a difficult time accepting that there is no support following the funeral service. As a Career Transition Consultant and Coach, I help clients through a very difficult time in their lives. They not only obtain the necessary help required to begin their new career search and journey, but to assist them in the grieving part after job loss. Hopefully, one day I will be able to make a positive change by starting my own company in Grief Counselling for individuals / groups as well as start up my own support Group.

Our family has suffered too much pain and loss, and I accept that things will never be the same again. My life feels empty and lonely now. I am blessed that I have a few close friends, but they just cannot provide the comfort and love that my mother was able to give me. I hope that I can positively grow personally, professionally and spiritually from this difficult life journey.

Comments for Linda's story - deeply mourning the loss of my Mom

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Dec 04, 2014
Eternal Sorrow
by: Malik

Today makes it a year since i lost a huge part of life, it came as a shock, just a month after my 18th birthday. i last saw her in march 2013, when she dropped me at the airport i mean, living in china, i didn't even get to see her body.. The only reason I'm alive today are my younger siblings.. I'd be a lame big brother if i left them to suffer. We didn't have much, but we had you Mom, we love you

Jun 01, 2014
Not Waving But Drowning
by: Victoria's daughter

My beautiful and amazing mom died in my arms, in our home on a Sunday morning in October 2013. In a few days it will be 8 months since my life and my joy stopped, too. I was my mom's 24/7 daughter/caregiver since she had a stroke on her birthday in April 2008. We were very close before that - running our family business and traveling to Arizona several times a year. I am devastated. I am so overwhelmed with sadness. It's impossible to find purpose. I can't stand the idle chatter of others. I can't stand to hear people tell me she is in a better place, or she is out of pain, or she is still with me. I am sorry for your loss - I, too, miss both my mom and dad. I'm just so sad. My mom was so awesome. So beautiful. We took an Italian language together at a college, art classes at an art museum, and ventured to our local zoo once a week - even though she was in a wheelchair and we had to book our rides through paratransit- everything was an adventure. Everyone loved my mom. But no one loved her more than me. I will never be the same. I don't want to go on.

May 07, 2013
Still Mourning my Best Friend
by: Anonymous

My mother has been gone six months and if I let myself stop and think about it I start crying and can't stop. She was my mentor and the most wonderful woman I've ever known. She had so much suffering in her life and yet she always put others first. I was able to do everything she wanted at the end and although I'm glad it feels as if my life will never be the same.

Dec 17, 2011
Hang in there
by: Anonymous

Your story sounds so similar to mine. My wonderful father passed away this summer from pulmonary fibrosis. He was diagnosed in june and passed in july. He was the primary caregiver for my mom who has alzheimers. He was amazing, they had a true love story. I live close and saw them often. He would call me several times a day to check in and ask how my daughters were ( ages 17 and 21) who he adored as they did him. I miss him so much and find myself crying each day. We are also heading to florida for Christmas...just need to get away. The way you feel is exactly how i feel.

Dec 16, 2011
Oh, I know.
by: Anonymous

Oh dear. It seems Lung Cancer has ruined so many lives. I almost wish she'd smoked so it was worth it.

I had only a week. A WEEK. it was a year ago and I was 34. We're all too young to lose our Mommys, right?

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I had children and a partner to comfort me, but no one can comfort you like she. Being alone makes it all worse, so know you're lucky to have your kids!! I hope they know how lucky they are to have you too.

You need to snuggle up to your family, and know that you will survive the Holidays. It's not easy but you will!

Take care.

Dec 16, 2011
Oh, I know.
by: Anonymous

Oh dear. It seems Lung Cancer has ruined so many lives. I almost wish she'd smoked so it was worth it.

I had only a week. A WEEK. it was a year ago and I was 34. We're all too young to lose our Mommys, right?

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I had children and a partner to comfort me, but no one can comfort you like she. Being alone makes it all worse, so know you're lucky to have your kids!! I hope they know how lucky they are to have you too.

You need to snuggle up to your family, and know that you will survive the Holidays. It's not easy but you will!

Take care.

Dec 16, 2011
I FEEL YOU
by: Tina in Chicago

Dear Linda, you are singing my song. I went away in early December thinking it would help. It didn't, my grief went with me. I could not run, nor hide from it; I can only go "through" it. I understand the Christmas thing I am going through that too.

I strongly urge you to talk to God everyday no matter how you feel. And when you are in your deepest fits of pain call out the name Jesus!! It will help, he is a comfort like no other.

I am with Deb don't wait, let's start that support group. Who says it can't be a phone group. We can heal by helping each other heal. I am in should you guys get this going.

Dec 15, 2011
In deepest sympathy
by: Anonymous

Dear Linda: I just read your grief blog and i am so very sorry for the loss of your mother. I myself am having a very difficult time getting through my mother's unfortunate passing. She died from a very wrongful---abusive---and neglectful death due to 1 particular hospital and 2 nursing homes in my hometown of Billings, Montana. I am also in search of trying to gather willing people to participate in a support group for different aspects of grieving especially in regard to these horrible facilities which keep killing our loved ones. I would appreciate having the opportunity to visit with you. I wish we weren't so far from each other in distance. Together, I think we could make that support group happen. If you read this comment and would be interested in visiting with me---my name is Deborrah. Home phone---evening---406-371-5508.
Cell phone---day--time---406-861---7392.
Again. i am very sorry for your loss.

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