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Lisa's story

by Lisa
(UK)

I was sat having a bath at around 6pm on sunday 6th Feb 2011..I received a phone call from my brother to say that my mum had collapsed. To cut a long painful story short. My mums heart ruptured and she was pronounced dead at 6.06pm. I am spending my days ringing my dad (we live so far away from each other)both of us have had numerous health problems since mum died. I have lost count of the viruses and infections my dad and I have had. Right now getting over another one which has knocked me for six.
Although I am gobsmacked and so sad about my mum I am heartbroken for my dad. I am making plans to move closer to him and to be closer to my mum.
I am married to a lovely man and have two great daughters. I also foster two boys. I have good days or bad days there is no in between. I also go through periods where I feel like everything is surreal and I am living my life through a dream. This surreal and detached feeling is now worrying me although I am sure its normal and its what people describe as feeling detached and numb...I want so much to be the woman I was 7 months ago...I feel she has gone and I want so much for her to return.

lisac@markc.freeserve.co.uk

Comments for
Lisa's story

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I know how you feel!
by: Ilana

I lost my mother to Ovarian Cancer a year and a half ago and I am still dealing with her loss. I keep thinking "Enough already, its time to move on", but I can't. Even my Dad has started dating again, which is hard to see. My brother seems to be dealing with mom's death and I seem to be the only one who can't move on. I guess no matter where you are in the griving process, whether one month, one year or ten years, the pain is still the same.
It's Called Grief
by: TrishJ

Lisa~
I have been going through exactly the same thing after losing my husband of 37 years, 10 months ago. Surreal and detached is exactly how I've been feeling. The death is so final. I wasn't ready to let him go nor am I ready to move forward with my life. I miss him so much. His death has also taken a toll on my health. I used to feel so strong and sure of myself. Now I live in fear and have no desire to try anything new. I've been saying lately, "I just want to feel excited about life again." Nothing excites me. I drift through the days searching for something to make me feel alive again.
What you are going through is completely normal. It's called grief. It's not pretty. It's difficult most days to just survive. I have a few good days followed by 3-4 horrendous dark days where I can barely function. I really thought I would be well on my way to getting through this by now.
We just have to keep trying and helping each other. This is a great site to let get your feelings out. The problem is we have to deal with these uncomfortable feelings to get to the "other side." I think I can be happy again. It just isn't happening quickly enough for me. I'm weary. I've cried enough tears to last me the rest of my life.
Take things one day at a time. I think sunshine will reappear when we least expect it. I'm hoping so for all of us who grieve.
Take care.

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