Little sister missing her big brother tonight.

by Amie
(NH)

My brother passed away Sept 20th 12:40am at the age of 51. I cannot tell you how many people are saying...It's a blessing...or he is not in pain anymore. Okay yes I know all of this, I don't have to hear it and it's not something that matters anymore.

Dave had cancer in his blood which eventually took over his whole body and within days of hearing it was in his liver he wasn't able to fight anymore. He was 10 years older than me, our bond was so amazing. Sometimes I wonder if we had a better bond then our spouses if that is possible.

I knew the exact moment he passed away I was home after spending the entire day with him, I woke up crying, but also hearing a voice in my head with my brothers saying to me every time we said good night was "sweet dreams"

My brother has a 17 year old son who is graduating high school this year. It really sucks that he will not be around for his sons amazing accomplishments.

I feel a deep loss and cannot stop crying. It's a bad dream, but I keep waking up. I'm not sure I will ever get over this. I was asked by my sister in law to write a tribute to my brother for his services. I am struggling with what to write and how to write it.

Anyway...I could go on all night how unfair cancer is, but I'm sure everyone knows that. I have thought of the why's for 5 years and I still cannot really figure it out why a man who was healthy, not sick a day in his life, took care of himself was given this death sentence. Not only that it was such a painful way to go. Not fair...so not fair.

Comments for Little sister missing her big brother tonight.

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Mar 02, 2013
Dave
by: Anonymous

My name is Dorothy, and your story of your brother is almost idenacle to mine. My brother Dave who was also 10years older then myself died in Oct. of cancer. I have not stopped thinking of him. He and I were best friends, and I feel like a piece of me is missing. I'm trying to learn how to live life without him. Tomorrow is my birthday, and I have never been without his morning birthday call.
I will say a prayer for you and your family, as well as mine to give us strength to get threw this sadness and grief we are feeling over our David's!

Sep 26, 2012
I know exactly how you feel! by: Ruth *PART 2*
by: Ruth

Hi again Amie,

I just re-read your words and thought I might be able to help with your tribute to your brother. I had to do this also. I basically wrote a list of my brother's special qualities as if telling someone who didn't know him. ie, how he helped me fix up my home after the death of our Dad + the fun we had on holiday together + described some of the jokes he had played on our family + how much he loved Star Wars and Star Trek + how proud he was of his son and what a good job he had done raising him, etc

It worked out really well. I could not read it out myself so the lady leading the service read it and it was great. Everyone smiled and laughed at the funny parts. I was so relieved! I had included that if I had had the chance my last words to Mark would have been 'I love you Mark. May the force be with you' and she said that at the end. I felt silly at the time but everyone knew what a fan of Star Wars he was and my nephew said it was his favourite bit of the service!

Good luck again Aime. You can get through this! Personally, I felt much better after the funeral as it gives you finality about the situation. So you can move on from wishing for a miracle and work through your grief.

Much Love Ruth in the UK

Sep 25, 2012
I know exactly how you feel!
by: Ruth

Hi Amie,

I know exactly how you feel! It is my birthday today and I have not enjoyed it because it is the first without my brother Mark. He died last month from a brain tumour, leaving his 20 year old son without parents as his wife died 10 years ago. I was initally relieved because he was so ill for such a long time that it was awful for him and us. However, I am past that stage now and just keep reliving the whole period of his illness, from the initial shock to my last visit with him. I cannot believe that what was the most upsetting and stressful period of my life now seems to have passed in the blink of an eye!

The thing that bothers me most is that he had just reached five years clear from throat cancer when he began having migraines... So cruel!

The thing that keeps me going is that I am naturally a happy, positive person. I hate feeling sad all the time and so fight against it. But, importantly, I do also allow myself the time to be sad. Usually at the weekend when I do not have to go to work the next day with puffy eyes.

My Dad died three years ago and that also was incredibly hard. But, what I take from that is that I got through it. I know it will take at least six months to feel normal again. Then from that point it will still hurt but not so much.

My brother (he was 53 and I am now 46) was my best friend also so I do know what I will miss him on so many occasions in the future. Honestly, I don't know yet how I will cope with that. I really do think it's one day a time...

Hope you feel better, but if not don't worry about it. Just have a cry, be sad, then when the clock reaches the hour try and pull yourself together and go and do something practical.

Love and hugs,
Ruth in the UK

Sep 25, 2012
Thank you
by: Amie

Thank you so much Linn...Dave's Obituary was posted in the newspaper this morning. Just when I didn't think I had anymore tears I had a fresh wave this morning. It it strange that even in my own brother's obituary I am still so proud of him?

I am very fortunate to have found this site and to be able to read other people's stories. It somehow gives us a bond between loved ones and it is something I very need.
God bless
A

Sep 24, 2012
Amy's Tribute
by: Linn

Thank you Amy for sharing the beautiful tribute to your brother. It shows the deep love that you had for your brother and the loving bond the two of you shared. I prayed for you last night Amy and ask God to comfort you each day in small and beautiful ways. Once years ago when a former boyfriend had broken my heart, my brother told me that one morning I would wake up and the pain would be gone. After my brother's death I thought of him saying that and now many years later, I know that he was right that one day I woke up and the pain of his death was gone and had been replaced with sweet and loving memories of a brother that was sent from God to get me through the worse times of my life. May you one day wake up and the pain be gone and beautiful and loving memories of your brother remain.

Sep 23, 2012
Little sister missing her big brother tonight
by: Doreen U.K.

Aimie I am sorry for your loss of your big brother to cancer. We hear so often of people dying of cancer and it becomes another statistic till it comes to our door. We can't take it in. It is a horrible disease. THE NEW FLU. Coming at epidemic proportions.
March 28th 2009 was the worst day of my life. My husband Steve got the devasting news. the Professor said. " You have a rare and serious form of lung cancer inoperable, incurable, aggressive. (caused by working with Asbestos). We need to start you on Chemotherapy immediately. I cried and cried in the nurse's office whilst she put things in place for us. I then had to phone my 3 Adult children and tell them the bad news about their father. Then the other relatives. I was numb. Shocked. All I could thing of was. "O God NO! NO! My Steve is going to die. What am I going to do without him. I nursed Steve for 3yrs.39days and looked into his sad lonely face each day as he detiorated sleeping most of the time from the Chemo, Radiotherapy. Losing weight. Not eating. Being very ill for the whole of his cancer. He didn't want to die. He was 11 months into retirement. He wanted to make furniture as he was a carpenter. he was going to travel. He worked often 7 days a week for 47yrs. He earned his retirement. He died 4 3/4 months ago. I AM STILL DEVASTATED. My Sorrow overflows. Every day is going to be HELL on earth. I am tired of hearing one day at a time. I am tired of hearing "His suffering is over" I say this now before anyone gets the chance to hit me with this even if it is true. Steve was a body builder in his youth. He was never ill in 40yrs. then in 2005 he gets ENCEPHALITIS. He nearly died of this. He then goes on to get this DEADLY CANCER. Steve suffered so much pain. His quality of life was zero. What a cruel way to die. IT HURTS. I will never RECOVER.
Aimie I know how you feel. It is so unfair that people have to get cancer and every other kind of disease that claims their life and causes them and us to suffer this painful cruel GRIEF. Who is going to Rescue us from this devastating PAIN?

Sep 23, 2012
Little Sister's Tribute to her Big Brother
by: Amie

Thank you Linn and Silver your words are very comforting and lovely and helped me write Dave's tribute below that would like to share..


Little Sister Amy’s Tribute to her Big Brother Dave

David the brother/Sister bond was there from day one. The day Mom and Dad brought me home you were my Brother, my protector, my friend without really knowing what you were signing yourself up for. You were my best friend and my hero. I was never that annoying little sister to you like I was to John, looking back I really was a brat to poor John and he loved me anyway! I couldn’t ask for any more than the family that took me in and loved me instantly. I could do no wrong in David’s eyes and I’m sure I took advantage of that a time or two or three or four!
David I loved you with all my heart and as I grew older I looked up to you more and more and never stopped. We married the same year ( 1993) just 3 weeks a part( talk about driving mom a little crazy huh?) Then you and Crystal had Ryan and Ken and I had Morgan 3 weeks a part the following year. We both treasured and knew how lucky we were to have our families grow up together.
The Twins – Emily and Justin came into our family 4 years later knowing how much Uncle David loved them. Uncle David loved to pick on Emmy…nicked name her “just a minute” Aunty Crystal would say Emmy time to eat please wash your hands…and what did Emmy say oh you guessed it! ”just a minute” Dave’s greeting to Justin was “what’s up J man” and he would be sitting waiting for Justin to tell him about everything going on.
David was by far the smartest and most generous person I knew. I always referred to David as my “cool dad” Dave was just old enough to give me advise but young enough to know how to deliver the message he needed me to understand in a way that my hot headed temper ways understood. Trust me when I say it takes a special person to handle a hot headed Farr girl, and David had that gift.
I will miss your loving smile and our special moments together. We knew each other like we always were, shared private family jokes and secrets– It still feels like a dream to me but I know it’s real and that you are no longer in pain.
Dave you will forever be a brother, a husband, a father, a son, an uncle,
and a friend.
Sweet dreams my brother – you are forever in in our hearts!

Sep 23, 2012
little sister missing her big brother tonight
by: silver

I understand your feelings. For me it has been 11 yrs this Nov.1st.My baby sister(8 yrs younger and the youngest of 6)died from a severe asthma attack.She was 44.She had been married twice so her oldest were in their 20's but she left a 12 and 13 yr old. The 13 yr old was far away in a special school for learning disability.She didn't even get to say good-bye.Which is better though? The other child was in the car and watched my sister take her last breath.In the days when I grew up the oldest took care of the younger ones. I bathed her,dressed her, fed her, rocked her,played with her and later took her to the school bus and picked her up. When we were grown we were so very close. We both liked crafts of all kinds and often came up with similar items without planning.So you see I do understand how you feel. I will look at things she made me and cry out to her.On her birthday,the anniversary of her death and on the holidays I miss her so very much. I still cry occasionally.As my darling departed husband used to say,"you will learn how to cope most of the time but you will never forget." I think that is good though.If we forgot it would be as if they never existed and that would be bad. Sending love and prayers your way.May GOD give you strength to carry on.

Sep 22, 2012
So very sorry for your great loss
by: Linn

My big brother past away two years ago and I will forever miss him. I know what you are feeling and I am so sorry for the pain you have to go through. After my brothers death I wrote the following tribute for him: My strong, Handsome and loving brother, Oh how I miss your laughter and your jokes. More than anything I miss your steadfast loyalty and love for me, your sister who was not always easy to get along with. No matter what kind of day I was having you turned my tears into radiant sunshine and laughter. Such long conversations we would have about God, Life, Death and everything in between. No one I know loved stray animals like me, except you! I will miss you when I see a stray cat, a hungry dog, a wounded bird, The Sunset and Sunrise. On sunny days and rainy days and all the changing seasons I will long to see you and share my day with you. You had a heart of Gold and always made me feel like the mountains I had to climb were only small hills and that I could do anything. You accepted and loved me just the way I was. How thankful I am to God for giving me you for my brother. You gave me wings to fly!. I know that your days were filled with pain and physical weakness and that life on this earth was no longer fun for you. So go rest high upon that mountain my big brother, Jesus and the angels are waiting for you but my life on this earth will never be the same without you here.
I hope that knowing that others have experience what you are going through and that they are praying for you will bring you comfort in this sad journey you are on. May God bless you.

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