Living in Nowhere Land

by Debbie
(Gig Harbor, WA)

The 1990's..... that began my destiny in Nowhere Land. My Dad, diagnosed in 1984 with Asbestosis was the catalyst that started my living nightmare... he lingered for 6 years just a stubborn *ss he was, all his buddies were dropping like flies after 6 months, not him, nope lived til September of 1991...I took care of 2 households, 3 kids, and a drunk Mexican partner. His passing, deeply affected me emotionally, but my brain was prepared. Not so much when my 39 year old sis decided to drink herself to death, we had no clue... that was 1994, within 3 weeks, my 38 year old cousin's heart exploded from the MS drugs diagnosed at 18. My family, no longer asks what possibly could happen next, IT DOES... on September 28th 1998 my 14 year old son Jake was struck by a car... while I read a book in my yard, this happened less than 3 blocks from our home. I cannot even explain the feeling when the police car drove into my yard, but I knew, I'm a mom, of course I knew. I am now 50, raised the remaining 3 children, and now I am nowhere, lost, sad, alone. Most days just *issed I woke up.

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Oct 09, 2012
Living in Nowhere Land
by: Doreen U.K.

Debbie I am sorry for all your losses of loved ones from your life. Father, Sister, Cousin, Son. All close immediate family. You seem to have coped and just gotton on with the caring you had to give your 3 children and probably didn't have time to grieve each loss properly. It is catching up with you now. A good grief counsellor may be able to help support you grieve these losses in your life so that they won't get in the way of you moving forward.
When children grow up we also have the sadness of the "Empty Nest" to contend with and add to our grief.
My husband died from MESOTHELIOMA. It is lung cancer caused by working with ASBESTOS. It is an incurable, inoperable, aggessive cancer. Everyone we knew died quickly of this disease. It was a miracle but my husband lasted 3yrs.39days. It sounds as if your father was in the same category of living a lot longer with such a horrible disease.
It may feel like Life is over for you now that your feelings have caught up with you. It will be painfull but only TIME will heal you from your losses. We don't have a CHOICE to live. I just feel no MOTIVATION at the moment to do anything. I don't feel GUILTY either. Grief is something that happened to us. None of us knows how long the journey of grief will take for each of us. When we are ready to move forward WE WILL. We just have to be CONTENT with where we are just now until we gain the strength to go on and find our way in life now with all the changes we have to make to get us there.

Oct 08, 2012
Living in Nowhere Land
by: Anonymous

Debbie, I feel for your losses. Too many to have to endure but you are still here and while you may not understand it all, and why it all happened, there is a reason God keeps you here.

I'm struggling with the loss of my husband and my son. One to death the other to selfishness.

Call on Him for strength to move on and find new meaning in your life.

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