LIVING IN THE "NEW NORMAL"
Today is my wedding anniversary my third without Barry. I have tried to use this day to reflect where I am and where I have come in these past 3 years.
Quite honestly I don't recall much of the first year. I can look back at my posts and see myself riding a wave of emotion that changed almost daily. I know I was around, it's there in the posts and in my work product and even in the life changes I made in order to survive financially. But I remeber very little of it. I guess I was running on autopilot.
After that first year the reality set in, without the histrionics that plagued me the first years. I gradually came to accept the inevitable. You don't think you will get over it but you do. So you adjust a little make some life changes and just keep on living.
Now I look at the person I've become and I like her and I am proud of her. But I am certainly not the same person I was before. I just don't love as deeply as I did because I don't want that pain again. I have come to like living alone and I'm not sure if I ever want to change that. I am more open to new things and ideas because I've learned you can't really control things anyway. I have come to deeply appreciate the company of other women because in the end they are the ones to help when you need it and they get it.
I date a nice man but he doesn't love me and I don't love him and that's ok for both of us -see above no more pain for me. No one can get close enough to hurt me now.
So what's for the future? I have no clue I just know that you keep on living and it will come.
All of you struggling along this road just do that-keep on living and you will make it to this better place, the "new normal"
Blessing to us all.