LIVING IN THE "NEW NORMAL"

by Judy
(Rockledge FL)

Today is my wedding anniversary my third without Barry. I have tried to use this day to reflect where I am and where I have come in these past 3 years.

Quite honestly I don't recall much of the first year. I can look back at my posts and see myself riding a wave of emotion that changed almost daily. I know I was around, it's there in the posts and in my work product and even in the life changes I made in order to survive financially. But I remeber very little of it. I guess I was running on autopilot.

After that first year the reality set in, without the histrionics that plagued me the first years. I gradually came to accept the inevitable. You don't think you will get over it but you do. So you adjust a little make some life changes and just keep on living.

Now I look at the person I've become and I like her and I am proud of her. But I am certainly not the same person I was before. I just don't love as deeply as I did because I don't want that pain again. I have come to like living alone and I'm not sure if I ever want to change that. I am more open to new things and ideas because I've learned you can't really control things anyway. I have come to deeply appreciate the company of other women because in the end they are the ones to help when you need it and they get it.
I date a nice man but he doesn't love me and I don't love him and that's ok for both of us -see above no more pain for me. No one can get close enough to hurt me now.

So what's for the future? I have no clue I just know that you keep on living and it will come.

All of you struggling along this road just do that-keep on living and you will make it to this better place, the "new normal"

Blessing to us all.

JM

Comments for LIVING IN THE "NEW NORMAL"

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Jun 04, 2012
Finding it hard to let go
by: Margaret

It's 8 months and 4 days since my Ed died of cancer I have 3 teenagers and a 10 year old to help through our phenomenal loss. I too lost my dad at 13 so understand that sense of being incomplete. I try to be there for the kids but inside I'm dying. My Ed was my one true love and soulmate and it shouldve been our 20th wedding anniversary this September. I want to move on but I'm overwhelmed x

May 17, 2012
The New Normal
by: Tom

Judy,

About 2 years ago I wrote a post after loosing my wife. The post was about finding the new normal. I agree it is hard to open up and love like we used to. I hope you continue to love,Live and laugh. Take care and post often. I still come on here and read the posts a couple of times a week.

May 16, 2012
Thank you
by: Anonymous

Thanks for this post, Judy. I'm only approaching my 4th month and have no idea if the clouds will ever part for me.

Reading your post gives me hope.

Thank you.

R

May 16, 2012
The Years Go By.......And Still We Miss Them
by: Anonymous

Judy~
Thank you for this beautiful and honest post. It give me the inspiration I need to carry on. I'm glad to know that what I am feeling is my "new normal."
I tried so hard to cling to my past with all of my strength the first year. I drove by both houses we owned and sobbed. If anyone saw me I'm sure they thought I was deranged.
I too don't want the pain. I don't think I would ever let myself love a man again. Not like that. I'm with you. I think would I enjoy the company of someone to go to movies and dinner with but I would never open my heart again.
It's been 18 months for me and I think I am making progress most days. You are right....we go through the first year in stunned survival mode, afraid to feel anything. The reality has hit me like a ton of bricks.
I will miss my husband every day for the rest of my life but am finally beginning to understand that I must move on. He would want me to.
God bless you Judy. I'm so happy to know you have made it to a happy place although it's not the usual happy. It's different....I know.

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