Living with a broken heart

by Rose mary
(Pomeroy,Ohio )

My oldest son Nathan died from a heroin overdose April 11 2013 he was 32. He had been battling pain pills for a couple years and had started using heroin. He had been clean three months and I thought he was doing good. I left and went on vacation. His brother couldn't reach him for two days so he broke in my house and found him . He said he looked like he was sleeping he had died alone two days before. This has tore our family apart, it was always me, my three boys and my daughter. Now a piece is forever missing, tore our hearts to shreds. I don't no how to deal anymore and have not a lot of desire to. Time does not seem to mend this broken heart. He was my child , my baby, the little boy that I loved and cared for. I was not able to take care of him when he needed me most. I need to know he is ok,

Comments for Living with a broken heart

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Aug 17, 2014
I know how you feel
by: Anonymous

I am so very sorry about your son Nathan. I lost my Aaron 21 months ago to a drug overdose as well. Two days after Thanksgiving, my nephew found him dead, four blocks down the street from me. It has forever torn our family apart. And I do mean apart. I have a hole in my heart that God can't even fill. I hurt so bad I can't even breath sometimes, or most of the time. Aaron had a problem as well, and for many months did so good. Please remember, YOU were ALWAYS there when it counted as a mother. Ive gone over and over again in my mind what I could have done to prevent this and I have alot of guilt. Survivor's guilt. But I know that if someone doesn't want to be saved, you can't save them. You and I and many many others on this website know how much we have tried to help our sons and our daughters and what was in our hearts. And we all deal with this on a minute to minute basis. If I had done this or I had done that....but we couldn't. And they aren't here....and it has forever changed ALL of our lives here. I understand how you and all of the wonderful loving mothers and fathers on here feel. We ALL KNOW how each other feels...and my heart breaks for you and all who have come here and are suffering and hurting and grieving...but WE are still here as a living testament and the legacy of our children and what they were and what they meant to us and how we won't ever get over it. EVER....I always say that the pain of losing my son, was the joy of loving him. He left this world with our love and left us with his......You will somehow be ok..again, I am so very sorry....I don't want to say it will get unfortunately live with it....Take care Rosemary....

Jul 10, 2014
My Beautiful daughter Miriam
by: Doreen UK

Dear Anonymous
I am so sorry for your loss of your daughter Miriam at such a young age, and for your loss of relationship with her due to estrangement. We are all fractured due to SIN and living in a fallen world. It is never easy rearing children in the world today as the world gets worse and families become more estranged and distant. There are times a parent can love their children so much but yet they don't feel it. We can rear our children the same way we were raised because we don't know any different and yet the cycle goes on of fractured families struggling and trying to make life better, and come closer. Some families just bond easier than others. Often this becomes an open door to the drug culture but thankfully not always.
Some people are abused and grow up to be hurt adults and find loving and being loved impossible. I worked in Mental Health as a voluntary worker and observed so much sadness in families and saw how counselling benefited them and gave them back their lives. I was one of them. I understand the family dynamics that cause estrangement in families and my heart goes out to you at this time as I feel the suffering and pain you are going through at this time. Isolated and ostracised from your son-in-law who shuts you out of the world your daughter went into. My nephew aged 30yrs. was suffering depression and threw himself in front of an express train 9yrs. ago. He could not live in his world of pain anymore. Another fractured life lost. I hope that you get the answers you need about your daughters death and that your son-in-law will do the decent thing and be civil, and include you in mourning your daughter. Your daughter would have known she was loved. I hope that you have good support and get through this hurt and pain of losing your adult daughter. No parent should be shut out like this. May God give you the Peace and Comfort you need at this moment of raw grief.

Jul 09, 2014
My beautiful daughter Miriam
by: Anonymous

We lost our beautiful daughter age 31yrs on June 9th,a light has gone out, life will never be the same, I always prayed for a reconciliation with her as we had been estranged for a while, I did not get to say goodbye, to let her know how much I loved her, how I wish things could have been different yet I always loved and missed her..My heart opens when I think of all the years we spent together, the love and joy, the laughter and tears..She was and is my angel, as tears fall I am forever grateful for her gift of love and so wish I could hold her one more time...I see her beautiful face smiling and hear her voice calling out to me in everyday situations as she would do..I pray to God for strength and guidance so that I may see and know the higher purpose in such pain and deep loss..Things are so painful and difficult as the family is fractured and not present..I am trying not to but I feel such guilt around her death which points to suicide.I cannot imagine what she must have been going through, I wish I could have comforted her, held her, whispered loving and calming things to bring her peace and an awareness of just how loved and special she was.. There is to be an inquest which may give some more information, her husband is keeping us out, we know very little of why and what happened..Please pray for all the family and that we can be soon reunited with our precious grandchildren.. Rest in peaceful love my dear Angel and may God bless you and all who mourn and grieve and may they all find comfort...Amen..

Jun 24, 2014
I have felt your pain
by: SoSadDad

Rosemary, I am so very sorry that you must endure the loss of Nathan. My wife and I have also lost our daughter Mel at 31 and our daughter Jenn at 28, both to heroin overdoses. It is a monster that is out of control. Like Nathan, Jenn was doing so much better. But that one last time... Some people think a year or even less should be long enough. But we know, Rosemary, that a lifetime is not enough. It is a grief we will take to the grave. Some of my bereaved parent friends don't like to hear someone say "At least you have your other child(ren)." I understand their sentiment, but I wish someone could say that to me. Cherish your other children. Grieve as you must, but there will come a time when you can smile, even laugh. Don't isolate your children. They won't understand your grief; only a bereaved parent can . But they need you, and they are also hurting. Jenn never recovered from losing Mel, I believe. If you haven't already, look up Compassionate Friends. They provide an atmosphere where you can grieve, talk, cry, whatever hits you. They are all bereaved parents, too. Keep in touch with this web site, and God bless you!

Jun 24, 2014
Drugs took my 31 year old son
by: Gale

I'm so sorry about your loss - I only wish I could give you some comfort or words of encouragement but I too am lost. How I wish there was a way to shut off our brain and just keep the good times/memories alive.
I need to know this pain will subside over time but I hear from so many people that it will not get easier, just different.
Take care and stay in touch -

Jun 23, 2014
Living with a broken heart
by: Doreen UK

Rose Mary it is one of the worst experiences in life to lose a child/adult child. I don't believe a mother will ever get over the loss of a child/adult child. You will just learn to live with this loss over time till that broken heart heals and allows a mom to go on living. But till then you just exist from day to day with no quality of life to speak of since your child was part of that life that gave fulfilment and meaning to each day. This is undoubtedly one of the worst cruelties in life to have to live with. I am sorry for your loss. May God come close to you and Comfort you with His Peace.

Jun 23, 2014
Your son and mine
by: Anonymous

My oldest son died on April 22, 2013 of an heroin overdose three months shy of 32 years. Same deal as yours. He started on prescription drugs, oxycotin, and then progressed to heroin. He went to a psychiatrist and was on Suboxtom, and was set to go to an outpatient rehab the following week. We were going to a family wedding in a couple of days when he od'd. I still can't believe he is gone. I took care of him, and would have done anything for him. I wanted him to have a normal life, free of drugs. I too am left with a huge hole, never to be filled. I loved him so much. I just want to turn back time. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Jun 22, 2014
by: Mary M

I to have lost a child. My first born, the love of my life. She also od on heroin. My husband and I thought she was clean. I guess she was very good at hiding her addiction from us.
We were totally devastated seeing her in ER hooked up to all the machines, and then we found out that they took 20 minutes to resus her and put her on a ventilator.
For 4 days we sat with her listening to the ventilator and then we had to make the decision to turn it off. She not only left us,(her parents) she left 3 adult children, and 6 grand children. The chapel was overflowing at her service. Even tho she was an addict, her personality shone thru at all times and people couldn't help liking/loving her.
I miss her dreadfully, and 5 months later I lost my 90yo mother. She just gave up and said she wanted to be with -----. she said I am 90 it should of been me that was taken and not the girl. We never told mum why daughter passed on.
I'm not religious in the sense that I feel I must go to church every Sunday, I feel that God is within us all and it's how we conduct ourselves in this life that is important.
She was cremated, as I wanted her buried in my suburb and her partner wanted her in his area, so we compromised, she was created and we have half ashes each.
I feel for you Nathan's Mum, and your's was the letter I chose to write to
This is the first time I have been to this website. Maybe I will come back again, I don't know. My girl passed away 4th November (her soul} then the ventilator was turned off 8th November and her service was 16th November 2012
Take care Mary M

Jun 22, 2014
Broken hearted
by: Michelle

My daughter Megan was 22 when she was hit by a truck a year and a half ago. They say time heals all wounds but I assure you that who ever came up with that saying did not lose a child. These wounds do not heal. Like you our family is broken. We all here feel your pain and anguish and i am truly sorry for the loss of your son Nathan. We are left to figure out how to exist in a world we no longer fit in and honestly I am just to exhausted to try or even care anymore.

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