Living with Regrets

by Judi

I lost my world July 22, 2011 suddenly. After a great day being together I fell asleep in the living room. Bob walked through at 10 and said "you need a blanket". He covered me and went into the office. I woke up at 11 and the house was dark except for a light in the spare bathroom and the TV. Somehow I knew, no panic but a feeling of dread.Got up and went into the office. Bob was sitting at his computer with his hand on the mouse. Called 911 and they worked on him for almost an hour. I won't even talk about the guilt I have for not getting up at 10 but instead sleeping while he was dying. Or the giant feeling of loss and losing the will to go on. My biggest regret is the years of wasted time that I blew on the chance to spend quality time with the greatest man to walk the face of this earth because I was so into self.
Being around couples anywhere is so hard. I see them and want to run up to them and shout "don't waste one precious minute in letting your soulmate know how important he/she is". I got transfered and had to move from our hometown. Bob was all for it and we went back home as often as possible. He drove and I read or slept. Thought that just being together was enough. Now I realize the time I lost in getting to know and appreciate our love and this terrific man. Bob was a people person and I am a loner. All I felt I needed was him. Made friends with the people I worked with but not anyone else while he knew our neighbors by first name. Guess he had to talk to someone.
We had four children but lost a son in 2003. We raised one granddaughter most of her childhood years. They are a great comfort but I feel so empty and lost without Bob. I once told him that I never felt complete until he walked into the room. He had a smile that could warm up any room. He was a quiet man but a rock that we all leaned on. He took care of everything. My granddaughter was here last week and her husband described Bob as someone that was "content just being". Needed nothing more. Happy wherever he was.
I want to shout out to everyone "Don't Wait" tell those you love just how wonderful they are. I wish I could take back just even one day to tell Bob what a terrific person he was and just how much I loved him and how lucky I was to be in the same room with him. He was the wind beneath my wings. But now I live with regrets for a love lost that I never really appreciated or told how really special he was.

Comments for Living with Regrets

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Mar 10, 2012
I understand
by: Anonymous

I understand your pain. One year ago I went to bed early as I had to work in the am and that was my priority. I woke at 5 am and something was just not right in the house. I found my boyfriend dead in our bathroom. I beat myself up thinking why did I not wake sooner. There is nothing you could have done...i hope you understand that

Feb 22, 2012
I feel your pain
by: Dave

You have hit the nail on the head.... I too lost the love of my life and never REALLY told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to she's gone and I just talk to the wall's ...if I could have just one day more with her more day

Feb 18, 2012
We All Have Regrets
by: TrishJ

I think we all have regrets. My husband passed away 14 months ago and I still feel I could've done more. He was ill for the last two years of his life. My life became consumed with his care.
I miss him so much. What I would give just to hear his voice again. It's very difficult for me to be around couples too. I'm still angry. I feel cheated out of about 25 years that we should've been together.
All we can do is our best. We will never see them again in this world but we can hold them in our hearts and know we will see them again. That's what keeps me going. I have a picture of my husband on my nightstand. It's the first thing I see every morning. People at my grief counseling told me I should put the picture away. I'll put it away when I'm ready, if ever. My husband loved me and I miss that so much. I won't settle for anything less than that so I'll probably be alone for the rest of my life. That's OK though. I had the best.
Take care. I hope you find some happiness today. One day at a time. Keep the faith.

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