Living with Regrets
I lost my world July 22, 2011 suddenly. After a great day being together I fell asleep in the living room. Bob walked through at 10 and said "you need a blanket". He covered me and went into the office. I woke up at 11 and the house was dark except for a light in the spare bathroom and the TV. Somehow I knew, no panic but a feeling of dread.Got up and went into the office. Bob was sitting at his computer with his hand on the mouse. Called 911 and they worked on him for almost an hour. I won't even talk about the guilt I have for not getting up at 10 but instead sleeping while he was dying. Or the giant feeling of loss and losing the will to go on. My biggest regret is the years of wasted time that I blew on the chance to spend quality time with the greatest man to walk the face of this earth because I was so into self.
Being around couples anywhere is so hard. I see them and want to run up to them and shout "don't waste one precious minute in letting your soulmate know how important he/she is". I got transfered and had to move from our hometown. Bob was all for it and we went back home as often as possible. He drove and I read or slept. Thought that just being together was enough. Now I realize the time I lost in getting to know and appreciate our love and this terrific man. Bob was a people person and I am a loner. All I felt I needed was him. Made friends with the people I worked with but not anyone else while he knew our neighbors by first name. Guess he had to talk to someone.
We had four children but lost a son in 2003. We raised one granddaughter most of her childhood years. They are a great comfort but I feel so empty and lost without Bob. I once told him that I never felt complete until he walked into the room. He had a smile that could warm up any room. He was a quiet man but a rock that we all leaned on. He took care of everything. My granddaughter was here last week and her husband described Bob as someone that was "content just being". Needed nothing more. Happy wherever he was.
I want to shout out to everyone "Don't Wait" tell those you love just how wonderful they are. I wish I could take back just even one day to tell Bob what a terrific person he was and just how much I loved him and how lucky I was to be in the same room with him. He was the wind beneath my wings. But now I live with regrets for a love lost that I never really appreciated or told how really special he was.