Loneliness is making me crazy

by Judy
(Rockledge FL)

Hi Everyone,

I am at 15 months now since I lost Barry. I am ok in a lot of important ways but the loneliness is about to overwhelm me. I am embarrassed to admit that I am just starved for male attention, which Barry lavished upon me throughout our marriage. This is causing me to think foolish things. My car has been in the shop for the past two weeks and the owner has been especially pleasant to me, showing me around his little shop, spending time to chat with me about his grandkids etc. Well in my lonely little mind I began to build this up into something more than just a nice person chatting with me. I wonder if my loneliness and starving for company I am setting myself up to look stupid. I had a similar experience with myself much earlier on when a much older man (we're talking 80 here) told me I was "so pretty" and fussed over me. I am thinking and behaving like a teenager over these really insignificant events. God protect me from making stupid moves. Has anyone else had these experiences? I am so embarrassed at myself.

JM

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Apr 10, 2011
One Bad Experience.......
by: TrishJ

Judy~
I had a horrible experience with one on my husband's friends. He started calling me every day after my husband passed. Right before Christmas the calls stopped (he plays Santa and is very well known in this area so he's really busy during the holidays). He texted me on Christmas and New Years...."Merry Christmas ~ Happy New Year Sweetie." I thought, sweetie? Whatever.

To make a very long sickening story short he was full out hitting on me 7 weeks after my husband died. I got married 2 months short of my 21st birthday. My husband and I were together for over 37 years. I'm a little rusty in the man department.

I miss my husband. I had the best. The day before he died he told me he loved me 5 times that day. I won't settle for anything less.
I just found it so disrespectful for my husband's friend to approach me like he did after less than 2 months. I was still in a state of shock for goodness sake.

We all want love in our lives. Don't rush into anything. Even though my 58 year old body isn't as firm as it used to be I won't settle for anything less than love with a good man. I know the loneliness is overwhelming but we could really get ourselves into some bad situations if we aren't careful.

After I sent Joe's friend an email to tell him how I felt (I was so angry I was afraid to call him for fear of what I would say) I got a response from him. He apologized..blah..blah. The last sentence of his email read, "I hope you don't think I was trying to take advantage of you at the lowest point of your life" That's exactly what he was doing!! Someone like him I don't need in my life. Let's be patient. If it's meant to be we will all meet a wonderful man again. I'm just concentrating on healing myself right now. I am in no way ready or able to share me with someone else right now. I may never be and that's ok too.

Peace and joy to you.

Apr 10, 2011
Check me into the funny farm too
by: Anonymous

Judy,

Yes yes yes! Loneliness-wanting what we had an unattainable entity of the past. We are starved for affection love and acceptance. To feel beautiful inside again. To be wanted and desired as we were so very long ago.

I also found myself checking out possibilities wanting to fill the void of what I once had. At some point I decided that I need to be happy with myself, which I am not totally. Trying to get down the long road between the loss of my life and what was. Traveling towards new possibilities trying to grab a false sense of happiness with someones smile.

It is an exaggerated overblown neediness that we will regret if not kept in check with reality.
Smile, nod, converse but do not imagine/fantasize it into another better life than the one we now lead.

So I am crazy too, just to let you know I have done the same, checked people out mentally as to my needs and wants yet regardless... I still compare them to what I had. It is a fantasy world of what was want and deserve. It will come later when we finally have some peace within and our inner self emerges to enjoy life.
of what might be.
HH

Apr 09, 2011
Loneliness's little tricks
by: JUDITH

Just keep your guard up because some men know you're in a vulnerable state right now and they will try and take advantage of you.

Our Loneliness makes us think things but we don't have to act on it. Because we know we would cry our hearts out in the after math due to guilt of being so lost.

I too am experiencing at lot of little flirtations from men but I know deep down I'm no wheres emotionally ready to act on them.

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