Lonely and Alone?

by Allison
(Canada)

I'm back again after several posts on this site. It's been 14 months since my Kent died so suddenly. The first year passed more quickly than I ever could have hoped for. I still can't believe that I've survived this long. Loneliness has been my constant companion since Kent's passing. However, since the holiday season has passed, I am now feeling alone, a very different emotion. I think the shock has finally worn off and I now truly realize that I am alone in all ways. I decide everything about my life with no input. I decide what to eat, when to eat, what to buy - and on it goes. It feels terrible. My soul mate will never return to consult or make a request. I now put myself out there every day as a single person, no longer one of a dynamic couple. I am afraid of the future since being alone means I will face health issues as I age without him. I will always feel lonely but now I must integrate this new "aloneness" reality. I am so sad, so very sad. When I pledged "'til death do us part" I surely had no idea what I was going to face. None of us do. Our love was worth it but the fallout is hell. Kent - I love you and miss you. Your lonely and alone "A".

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Jan 18, 2013
lonely and alone
by: silver

Time without your love?Lonely? So many are surprised at us feeling like life left us behind.My love died May 2011 after 33 yrs marriage.What people don't understand is that even though it was not all great most of it was good.You become closer.You become better friends.You become strong companions who support and love each other.I tell others that what I miss the most is his presence.Just knowing that when I wake up he is there,that when I go to the store he will be there when I get home.Knowing he will tease me,laugh with me,tell me jokes,tell me he loves me,wake up with me,and more.I am finally beginning to deal with the loss.I don't cry as much,as long, or as hard as I used to.I talk to him every day and tell him goodnight every day.You have to deal with your grief how you can.It took 20 months for me to feel as if I am BEGINNING to understand that what happened was the best thing for him.I made comments early on in my grief:I thought we would grow old together and what did I think we would both die at the same moment.I later realized what that would have done to our children,esp since both my parents had died within the previous yr and a half.You have more courage than you think.Be proud that you have made it.GOD send you peace and courage.I send you prayers of love.

Jan 15, 2013
Lonely & Alone...
by: Rachel B. (US)

I know how you feel, since there are times I feel the same way... My beloved Charles passed away last Nov. 30, 2011. It was so hard to let him go when after I lifted Him up to the Lord for His will,that was the time He has his last breath an hour after me and my little girl left the hospital. It will be 14 mos. since he passed away but still there are days that it was just yesterday. It is so hard to live without your soulmate day by day, usual things that two person does now suddenly it will only be one. My heart aches for him as well and had to live through the grief just for the sake of our little girl who really needs her dad at 6 yr. old plus the fact that she suffers from mild brittle bone disease. I too is afraid of our future since it was always me and my husband who decides, takes our little to hospital visits but now I have to do it alone. Thanks to our neighbors to help us with what we need to keep up the farm, to Shriners volunteer drivers to help us to take to my little girls hospital visits as it is usually my beloved hubby who drives 6 hrs. back & forth whenever we have appointment. This little things that my husband does, being 'Jack of all Trade', even the aggravation or just his hugs, touch, talking to him or just holding his hand just to assure everything is going to be fine, is what makes me at times cry which will just come out of my eyes... a lot of memories which I do not understand reason why he has to leave after been 4 mos. of good recovery from accident & suddenly after been & out of hospital having negative result of cancer, then out of the blue came positive in the last two weeks of fourth month which almost question even my faith and pierced my heart. The only thing is though he does not suffer anymore but we the ones left behind still have a long way to go esp. before my beloved hubbys' first death anniversary, his mom (my beloved mom-in-law) had joined him with the Lord, Nov. 5, 2012). And it was so much for us these last two years which I do not know now what to think but still hoping for good future. I really do not know but I know there are a lot of bad people around us but they are mostly the ones stays longer. Nevertheless, I always pray for us esp. the widows like us plus those kids who lost their parents, loved ones as we understand each other and need prayers to be able to move without our beloved by our side though it is really hard but at least be able to live a minute per hour, an hour each day to make it one day at a time. You are always in my prayers just like the rest of us.

Sincerely,
Rachel

Jan 08, 2013
Lonely and Alone?
by: Doreen U.K.

Alison this is the harsh reality of losing your life partner. I also am ALONE after 44yrs. marriage. I find it hard making decisions after having input from my husband. My husband worked long hours away from home for over 47yrs. and I had to make most of the decisions and also rear 3 children with very little input. But YET now after my husband has died 8 months ago I am finding the decisions different and more difficult to make.
But I must say I don't find any difficulty deciding what to eat and when to eat. This is the only positive factor for me. It is actually a nice FREEDOM to not to have to concern oneself over who is eating what and sometimes to have difficulty in this area. It is difficult catering for one need but many different needs is quite tiring. Try and see some positive things that will pick you up. Don't sink into a depression. It sounds as if you are. I am in the same place as you. I may be older which makes it easier. Because then I know that I have a life span that won't last years and years without a husband and the companionship that I will now miss. It doesn't matter what we do to move forward we will still be doing it alone. My family are happy that I went to see a pantomime. I tried to make it a fun experience for myself and my daughter, but whilst still enjoying this I had a full time of intruding thoughts of my husband. I didn't need to force this. They were just there. I couldn't switch them off if I tried. This is the nature of Grief. So it doesn't matter how many people think we should move on we are still broken people from our loss. We cannot force Healing. WE didn't make ourselves this way. Even if we do get used to living alone it is still not a good experience when you have lived with one for so long. I felt angry listening to a presenter on Premier Radio praying for a family who lost a loved one. He then said "Well he is in a better Place." I uttered loudly. "Well why don't you go there if it is a better place." I don't think God would have given us life if death was a better place. Death is only here because of living in a sinful world, but it is certainly not a better place because nothing happens in death. WE lose a vital relationship with the one we loved that we will never get back. It is not easy trying to find our way back from death. LONELY and ALONE are all we know now. Even when you have friendships or a family get together. Life is different. It will never be the same again. Losing a MATE a LIFE PARTNER is a whole different type of LOSS. I have hospital visits. I now have to do ALONE. I have a heart condition. I don't have my husband here for support. I have to do it all ALONE. I know what you are saying and how you feel. But even if I empathise with you. We both still have to do our living ALONE.

Jan 08, 2013
Lonely and Alone
by: Anonymous

Here's another Canadian sharing your grief. My husband is still alive, if you count regressing to approximately 10 years old alive. He's paralyzed down one side, brain damaged and aphasic. But he's still fighting. I admire that in him. But he can't fight the way he used to, and he can't see or feel things the way we used to. His responses are those of a child. And this makes me feel sad, lonely and isolated.

I understand all that you're both thinking and feeling through these devastating days. I haven't had to deal with his death, yet. But this is not a real life either.

You will both be in my thoughts and prayers.

jenn

Jan 07, 2013
Being Alone and Lonely
by: June

Allison
Your posting could have been mine!
I also feel so alone and miss Mike so much it really hurts! It is getting worse, maybe I was in shock and now it's just settling in. Mike passed away in March 2012, at home, after being in and out of the hospital since the December before.
I don`t like this life, I do have family, friends, pets (thank goodness for my dog and cat), but I still feel alone.
I don`t like making decisions without Mike`s help.
I miss our talks and laughs.
Thinking of you and hoping things get better for both of us.
I am going to do the same thing you did for Kent....have a dinner with family on the 1st year anniversary....I thought that was a very good idea you had.
I live in Canada also.

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