Lonely and Alone?
I'm back again after several posts on this site. It's been 14 months since my Kent died so suddenly. The first year passed more quickly than I ever could have hoped for. I still can't believe that I've survived this long. Loneliness has been my constant companion since Kent's passing. However, since the holiday season has passed, I am now feeling alone, a very different emotion. I think the shock has finally worn off and I now truly realize that I am alone in all ways. I decide everything about my life with no input. I decide what to eat, when to eat, what to buy - and on it goes. It feels terrible. My soul mate will never return to consult or make a request. I now put myself out there every day as a single person, no longer one of a dynamic couple. I am afraid of the future since being alone means I will face health issues as I age without him. I will always feel lonely but now I must integrate this new "aloneness" reality. I am so sad, so very sad. When I pledged "'til death do us part" I surely had no idea what I was going to face. None of us do. Our love was worth it but the fallout is hell. Kent - I love you and miss you. Your lonely and alone "A".