Loosing my Dad to cancer 17/01/2011-My Sister's Birthday also!

by Alexis
(UK London)

I lost my father last year he died of a rare form of cancer and was in a lot of pain towards the end. He had the all clear then two months later the cancer was back! It was a huge shock to us all. I do in some repects feel grateful he is no longer in pain and at peace. I do however miss him every day and feel a huge sense of loss. He was such a huge part of our lives and I feel such a huge emptyness without him. Not having such a fundamental person in your life is incredibly painful! I feel like my protector is gone!

I have deep regrets for all the silly arguements and not telling him more often how much a great Father he was! Not hearing more about his life. The fact he will never see me get married, have children or graduate and be sucessful in my career in Nursing! I hope I can make u as proud as you deserve me to be able to...

I hate that my Mum is hurting and I cannot take her pain away. I hate how i remember you in the hospice and not being able to picture you healthy! When will it get easier? When can I remember your voice again? How do you get over this? Where are you now? what should I believe?

I was incredibly lucky to have you in my life and am aware how precious that is! You were an amazing Father and incredibly unselfish, you supported me through everything and picked up the pieaces when I needed it! I don't know if I will ever meet anyone like you again but am truly grateful that I have been loved and am like you in so many ways! Thanks Dad for being my amazing Dad and you always will be with me in spirit. I hope you are there with us, we feel you are. I have hope you are happy and pain free and content wherever you are! I read these the other day it helped...

Life Goes On
If I should go before the rest of you
Break not a flower
Nor inscribe a stone
Nor when I am gone
Speak in a Sunday voice
But be the usual selves
That I have known

Weep if you must
Parting is hell
But life goes on
So .... sing as well
By Joyce Grenfell

Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am a 1,000 winds that blow
I am the diamond glints on snow
I am the sun on ripened grain
I am the gentle autumn rain
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled light
I am the soft star that shines at night
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there; I did not die.


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