Loosing my heart and soul in Canada
by Jacie Hamalainen
We have been married 27 years and although I am 51 and he is 52 I have never lived alone. I am so terrified of that more then of getting hit by a car. Our marriage has had a lot of problems but we cared deeply for each other. He has bipolar 2 and he made me promise to never leave him early on. I would never do such a thing like that to him no matter what. He didn't like to be intimate so we didn't have that in our relationship.
Both different therapists he had said there is nothing wrong with you just love your wife she is suffering so much. He wasn't seeing anyone he came right home for years. He went golfing with friends and movies and lots of other things just as long as it was for him. I knew he had a very selfish side when I met him and he only planned for himself. He didn't like my family (whom were very selfish and not there for us like we were for them) so he made me cut them out of our life by changing our phone number and you know they never came to our door once, it was sad. His bipolar was getting worse and he needed new medication my love for him intensified. I think all the thoughts in his head were caused by not being stable and when I found that perfect therapist who put him on a much better assortment of medications, 2 weeks later he was like a new man.
He was kinder to me more loving and this was just 10 years ago. But then I got ill I started having serious seizures and back pains that hurt so bad.
He witnessed me having a bad nocturnal seizure in my sleep. I was bouncing around arms flailing and legs kicking he told me. He rushed me to the ER and I had Epilepsy. I was tested for what doctors thought during the day was panic disorder but was another type of Epilepsy. Oh he was angry. He took off for 3 days not saying where he was going.
He came back weirdly put his arms around me and said everything will be ok. But things weren't, not at all. I later developed drop seizures when your legs turn to rubber for 4 seconds and you fall wherever you fall. I also found out I had a disc disease in my spine where disc's were coming out of my spine becoming herniated and liquid coming out and getting on open nerves and making me feel such awful pain, that is why I have Cronic Pain today.
I loved this man so much as I never called to him he would hear the noise and know I broke something and would rush me in into the ER where I told him to go back to bed and I would cab home.
Then out of the blue this letter telling me he filed for divorce and we were now legally separated
I haven't stopped crying for a week nor can I eat.
He just yells at me to get a hold of myself and be strong. I have spent 27 years propping up this man and loving him deeply and he wants to sell our payed off home to live in very poor money situation with my 16 year old. Then just throw me off anywhere and my neurologist has told me you can't live alone it is good you have a great husband. My life is a nightmare and I don't what to do..J.