Loosing my loving momma

by Carla
(Anderson Mo USA)

I lost my momma January 30 2014 to a massive heart attack in the middle of the night.
I feel so guilty because I wasn't there to be with her.
I have been through so much this past year. February 15 I lost my dad to a 4 1/2 year battle.i have 5 sister. We were all there the last week of my dads life. We were there the night God called him home. We new on the 14th was going to be pretty much it. I got to say my goodby. In May my oldest sister was diagnosed with the same cancer that took my dad.as I said I lost my momma January 30th 2014, on January 31 I found out my 3 year old nephew has stage four cancer as my sister has stage four.
So now back to my mommy. I feel so bad I wasn't there there to hold her hand and just be with her as God called her home.
My momma was a very tough little lady. My dad was never around as we were growing up. My momma raised six girls on her own. She never brought a man into out home she did it all on her own. She had to have have the patience of Job and the strength of superman. We didn't have much. She made a HUGE garden during the summer and she canned everything for winter. She made a lot of our clothes for she didn't have the money to buy them. People would give her material and she always made one of us something.
I'm not saying we didn't have our ups and downs we did as all families do. No matter heat though even after we were all out of the house she was always on the other end of that phone when we needed her. For me that was often. I miss her so much I feel as if she took a part of my heart with her.
If it were not for God, my kids, grand kids my anxiety pills, an all the prayers I don't think I could have made it this far. I have depression anyway now I have clinical depression.
This is the hardest thing I have went through in my life so far. I cry all the time it just hurts so bad.

Comments for Loosing my loving momma

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Apr 09, 2014
by: Doreen UK

Carla in my first reply to you I mentioned my sister in Australia who brought up 8 children on her own. She had four children and then married and her second husband cheated on her and left her with his own four children from his previous marriages. She fought for those kids and nurtured them. But the difficulties and lack of money caught up with her and she had one breakdown after another. She had the saddest life ever and then she got burnt. She has come through this and on a healthier path. She re-claimed her life. YOU WILL ALSO. DON'T GIVE UP HOPE.
I suffered depression for 40yrs. Just 4yrs. of therapy ended my depression and it has never come back. God knows what we are going through and will put the right people in our path. You will get your life back. Just stick with your therapy and don't stop it too early. See it through to the end and you will be amazed at how good you can feel again. It is an amazing HEALING.
I Pray that your sister and nephew be sustained and receive God's Healing touch so that you as a family can bear up under this heavy trial.

Apr 07, 2014
My sister
by: Carla

Thank you Doreen, I've had depression since my last husband cheated on me. I have a great physiologist. She is trying to set me up with a therapist . I pray for God to help me . My sister with cancer had to have two surgeries this past week. We don't live in the same state so I can't see her which makes it really hard. She has been in ICU since last Thursday . I have talked to one of her daughters a couple times but I haven't gotten to talk to her which makes it really hard. I don't think my momma could handle all she is going through now.

Apr 07, 2014
by: Doreen UK

I understand the world of depression and it is one of the worst illnesses. You feel so helpless to help yourself move forward. I have felt what you say. "Lord you said you wouldn't give us more than we can bear." "But I have reached rock bottom and can't bear anymore." It is then God comes close to us. God does stretch us. I was in this depression for 40yrs. I read self help books and understood what was happening but powerless to make any changes. I had a strong relationship with God and let Him carry me through this depression when I couldn't understand it and couldn't help myself. It was then that when I reached the edge and couldn't go on anymore I would have ended my life and got the best psychologist/counsellor in time. 4yrs. of therapy ended 40yrs. of depression and I am living for the first time in my life. Only problem is I lost my husband of 44yrs. almost 2yrs ago to a deadly cancer and life is lonely and a long hard road ahead. If I didn't have God in my life I wouldn't be able to cope. Reach out for support with your clinical depression and lean harder on God. Believe you will come through this depression. REMEMBER. Many Biblical characters suffered from depression. God was able to meet their needs and He will meet yours also. JUST DON'T GIVE UP. HANG IN THERE. IT IS ALWAYS DARKEST BEFORE DAWN. You will become stronger in time.

Apr 07, 2014
by: Anonymous

I miss sharing the birth oh my Grand baby now 3weeks old now one due anytime . Very bittersweet

Mar 14, 2014
by: Anonymous

It is very hard. I feel as she took a part of me with her have sunk into clinical depression.
I know God never gives us more than we can handle but sometimes it feels like he pushes it.

Mar 11, 2014
Losing my living momma
by: Doreen UK

Carla I am so sorry for your loss of your beloved mother to a sudden death, Your father, your sister and nephew who both have cancer. This is such a devastating disease.
I lost my husband to cancer 22 months ago. We were married 44yrs. My husband cut asbestos and the fibres lodged in his lung as a young man in his 20's and so his cancer tumour took 40yrs. to fully develop into a terminal cancer. I nursed him for 3yrs.39days before he died and this was a horrendous cancer journey. I still feel so broken by his death even though I endure each day as best as I can.
My mother died 11yrs. ago. It took me 9yrs. before I could put her photo frame up on the wall. My mom brought up 5 girls and one boy and she also made our clothes whilst my father did most of the nurturing. They worked together as a team. Much the same as your mom my mother left us with good memories of her nurturing that all us siblings have emulated in our own lives. My sister was left with her ex husbands 4 children and her own 4 by him and then he left her on her own to raise 8 children. She had a tough life. She also suffered depression but she is soldiering on. It never ceases to amaze me how many extra special mom's work through the most difficult circumstances and still manage to overcome those obstacles in life for their family. I feel blessed by reading your story. It somehow strengthens us to go through our own difficulties. Just taking one day at a time is all we can do, and it WORKS. I didn't think I would make it thus far. Like most of us we want to die when we lose a close loved member of our family. It hurts so bad. If it wasn't for having God in my life I wouldn't see the point of going on in life. FOR WHAT!. But I keep Faith and Hope alive and I know this is how we will overcome and recover from our grief.

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