by lori
(toronto, canada)

a few weeks ago my husband of 40 years dropped me off at work as usual. I never saw him again. The police called me at 4:30 that day and told me his heart had stopped and he died. Its been 4 weeks today, and i still can't believe i'll never see him again. i have a hole in my heart and soul, and i am so angry that he wouldnt quit smoking and never told me that anything was wrong,We had fallen on hard times, and he left me absolutely nothing, and at the age of 57 I'm starting all over again. We were fighting a lot at the end, and I never had a chance to make peace and tell him I loved him, and this is tearing me up inside. I'm trying to cope, but unless you've been through somethinglike this, people just dont understand and expect you to "get on with it". I am completely devastated. I am not religious, and wonder how to cope,

Comments for lori

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Jun 12, 2012
Why and What If
by: New Widow

My husband of 28 years died unexpectedly of a heart attack on April 17. WHY didn't I make him go to the doctor? WHY didn't he stop smoking? WHAT IF we had known about his heart disease months ago? WHY didn't I tell him how much I love him? WHAT IF...WHY...WHAT IF...WHY... It is torture and keeps me awake all night some nights. The sun continues to rise and set, life goes on. I just gotta figure out how to go along with it, as me. Who am I anyway?

Jun 12, 2012
I am so sorry for you loss
by: Susan

I am so sorry for your loss. When you lose someone unexpectedly it is very hard. Try not to be so hard on yourself. After forty years of marriage, I am sure you loved him and he loved you. It will get easier with time. Focus on your good memories with him and don't worry that you were not getting along in this ruff economy. This could have happened to any of us. I was married for 43 years and we, too had our differences at times, but he knew I loved him and I knew he loved me. I will keep you in my prayers. Try to find a support group or bereavement group. It will help you alot. God Bless You On This Journey to Find A Good Support Group. Take Care Susan

Jun 12, 2012
from now on..
by: JerriI

I lost my mom to a sudden heart attack in November of 2009. It's still a painful reality. I too have walked through those thoughts and feelings of what if's and why's.
I wish I had spent more time with her. I wish that she had told me how bad she felt...
I encourage you to open your heart to heal and remember the positives. There's no changing or fixing possible now, but you can decide what your life will be in the future, and how you will live it. I try to live mine in a way that honors my mom. I pray that you have people around you that encourage you and support you.

Jun 12, 2012
They don't Understand
by: Wendy

Dear Lori,

First let me tell you how very sorry I am for your loss. I too lost my husband of 14 months very suddenly in an accident...just two months after our first wedding anniversary, even though we had been together for 13 years. So it is now ten months for me, and it still feels like yesterday. You are right. People who haven't been where we are don't understand, can't understand that we can't just "get over it". Grief is a process, a very long emotional process. One that I am so sorry that you have to deal with. All of us on this website are on this journey together, and we DO understand. I was lucky enough to find a local support group that I have now been with since last September. They have become my new family. It was the best thing I ever did, and I encourage anyone going through this to seek one out. Also no that all of us on this website are here for you. It's even more difficult when it happens suddenly and you dont have the time to say what needs to be said, but I'm sure your husband knEw how much you loved him. You have now joined a group that no one wanted to be a part of, and it seems like a roller coaster ride that never ends. Just hang on tight and know we are all here with you.

Just remember, one breath, one step, one day at a time. Should you ever want to talk you can email me at wrreefer@hotmail.com.

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