Losing Andrea

Andrea, 34 and my only child died April 22, 2012. She was
addicted to pain pills. She had lived in Florida for the past 13 years. We were always close and talked just about everyday. I knew she had a problem with pain killers and told me she was getting help. When 750 miles seperate you
it is easy for your child not to be so truthful. That Sunday morning is forever etched in my mind. The call from her roomate sent me into my private hell. The next call was from the Dectective investigating her death. He told me
it was clear she had died from an overdose. Getting her back home proved to be a problem and we weren't able to bury her for 2 weeks. I was left in limbo She has been dead for 3 months now. It hasn't gotten any easier.
I have disected and analized the months before her death,
to try to see what I didn't see. I worked everyday, I have a small business. There are days that I don't know how I made it. Everything is a blurr. I feel empty and lost.
I sit up in the bed during the night and ask WHY??? I talk to her. I miss her so much. I have always been a caregiver. I am not so understanding with other family members anymore. My mind is consumed with her death.

Comments for Losing Andrea

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Jan 19, 2013
by: Alison

My daughter died on the 30 November 2012. I feel the same way. I didn't know she was taking addictive pain meds. We didn't get on and I feel that I should have tried harder. I do feel that she knew I would have helped her had I have known.
She was very clever at manipulating. Our last conversation resulted in her personally attacking me as usual. The coroners report isn't conclusive but I know that the drugs contributed. She died beside her twin girls of 7 and her son of 8.
Many people knew that she was taking drugs and doing other not so nice things. Nobody told me. I would have helped and can't get over the fact that I didn't have the chance to help.
Reading that other people have been through the same experience has helped.
Right now I feel absolutely lost

Jul 29, 2012
losing Andrea
by: Rach

When a mother loses her only child, it’s like losing a part of her body. They were your whole life. It’s difficult for people to understand the intense lose you feel. People not knowing your lose will ask simple questions like “do you have any children?” That question just rips my heart out because I want to say, I’m not a mother anymore and want to scream while I’m saying those words. Weddings have been very difficult for me. When I watch the groom dance with his mother, the pain become so overwhelming knowing I will never experience that feeling. Baby showers are just as difficult because I know I will never have a grandchild or grandchildren. I feel so alone without the joy of my son. There are days I just burst into tears because something reminded me of my son. I hate when that happens because I feel so vulnerable. I wish I could tell you it gets better, I can’t.
It’s been two and a half years for me. He died in Florida at the age of 39 and I lived in New York, so I know what distance can do to you in every way. I spoke to my son every night and felt very close to him. I still blame myself as you are blaming yourself for not being there for them. But we have to understand they made their own decisions and nothing we could have done would have changed anything. You could not have shelter her as we did when they were children. You know she would not have allowed it. Their lives were their lives to live not ours. You did your best, you loved her. I know these statements do not make you feel any better, but you must know there are people like me that feel your pain. I ask God at my lowest point why me? Why did you take the only thing I loved the most in my life away, why did you leave me with this unbearable pain, what did I do so bad in my life to deserve this unyielding pain. But I know the answer and I must deal with it. Be good to yourself, it’s about you now.

We need to support each other and the need to express our feelings. I came on just to stop crying. It's 2:27AM and I can't sleep. Hopefully I can sleep now. The tears have stopped.

Jul 28, 2012
Losing your son
by: To Justins Mom by Doreen U.K.

Justin's Mom. I am sorry for the loss of your son from drug addiction. Your grief is great. Your grief is intensified by your guilt and anger and all the symptoms of grief.
In reality. You are not responsible for your son's addiction or for his returning to get another prescription filled. YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU SON WAS GOING TO DO! OR HAD DONE. Free yourself of your guilt. Replace those thoughts of guilt with new ones.
One never knows what is in the drugs that causes one to go back for more.
Perhaps your son did not get the support he needed whilst in Rehab. Look at Amy Whinehouse the profound singer, she went to rehab. She died.
Whitney Houston. Drug addiction. She died. Michael Jackson, drug addiction. He died. There will be countless others who die of drug addiction. All have to take responsibility for the CHOICES they made. They are not here to accept the responsibility. Neither should those left behind take responsibility for the loss. Let us instead try and see if we can now save another life from drug addiction, by speaking of our own experiences of loss. Let those who do take drugs turn from this. If only these people could see the trail of pain they leave behind for their families. It is AGONY. We will never recover from our Loss.
I lost my nephew to prescribed drugs that caused suicidal tendencies and he threw himself in front of an express train 5 years ago.
My other nephew is in rehab now. Addicted to pain killers. FEAR is always present. Will he stick with the programme? Will he go back to his addiction? Will he make it? We don't know. Only my nephew knows the answer to that. But whilst we wait. It IS AGONY. My nephew thanked his Mum for giving him a lifeline when he needed this. She cared for him in the two weeks he came out of hospital. He nearly died from the rupture these painkillers did to his body. He is one of the lucky ones. WILL HE SURVIVE? WILL HE MAKE IT? WILL HE RECOVER? WILL HE GO BACK TO PAIN MEDICATION? WILL HE STAY IN REHAB?
Justin's Mum look for ways you cared for your son and build on this. Don't let the What ifs? could of? should of? bring you down. When these thoughts pervade your mind. Chuck them out. You are a caring mother. You are a hurting mother. You Loved your SON.Take time to heal from your
grief. This is all any of us mother's can do. We have to LIVE WITH HOPE. That's our MISSION.

Jul 27, 2012
to andreas mom
by: justins mom

I lost my son on April 20 2012. He was addicted to drugs. He had gone to rehab back in November but within 2 weeks of getting out he had returned to the Dr. who was prescribing him the medications without my knowing it.He was 27. My younger daughter is 17 and she rode by his house and saw the fire truck and police. The assistant coroner that was there came out and said he had leaned forward while he was high and had smothered. I finally got the courage to pick up his death certificate today and it says accidental overdose, though toxicology isn't back. All of the emotions are overwhelming.Guilt,regret,sadness, and pain. I think its gotten worse in the last couple of weeks. My heart is broken and I know yours is too and I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I get through each day for my other children, who are 22,17,and 12. There are so many things I wish I could go back and do differently.I play things over and over in my mind and sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy.Ill keep you in my thoughts and your not alone.

Jul 27, 2012
Phyliss you are right
by: Pat

Thank you for sharing your grief with me.
How old was Chad, you didn't mention.

It seems like my family has already put Andrea's death on the shelf. You you get the same from your family? My husband is reluctant to talk too.

There are days I need to talk! I know you feel the same.

Please keep in touch

Jul 27, 2012
Losing Andrea
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Brokenhearted. I am sorry for your loss of your daughter Andrea. Don't beat yourself up wondering what signs you missed. What you could have done to keep your daughter alive. Often there is nothing that us as parents can do for our children. I carried an enormous amount of pain for what was happening to my 43yrs old son and I actually injured myself to the point it is hard to recover from this pain. It is called a boundary injury. YES. Parents have boundaries. We cannot be our childrens caretakers. We have to let them go and make their own mistakes and learn from them. If our children are in a difficult place like Andrea was. You would have done everything you could. Adult children hide things from their parents.
My nephew was 30yrs. He actually did cry out for help. No one heard him and so he threw himself in front of an express train. My sister was mad with grief looking for clues and things she missed and could have done better. She needed the help and professional support of a grief counsellor.
My sister in Australia is in a hard place just now. Her 36yrs old son is addicted to pain killers. She is struggling to get him to GO into rehab. She is struggling to get through to him that he needs to take control of his life. He is making life difficult for his siblings and they are all suffering also. My sister would not be able to cope if he died. She is extremely worried and anxious all the time. We are in this place right now. WE don't know what more we can do but to encourage Daniel to stay with the programme no matter how tough it is and he will be able to reclaim his life back. Whether it works or not we don't know. It is up to Daniel.
As parents we will worry about our children from the cradle to the grave. I hope life gets better for you in the days ahead and that you find some way through your grief and sorrow.

Jul 26, 2012
I am the same!
by: phyllis Pickett

I lost my Chad to alcoholism at Christmas, the last year was so hard, he would not stop drinking, had 2 surgeries for bleeding from his Ephesus, he passed away during the 3rd surgery, I shall never forget the the pain the shock, I couldn't visualize my boy dead, I still can't. Each day is hell missing him so much, wanting to tell him things I should have, talked to him about his problems more in a nicer manner, it seems life is meaningless now, I will pray for you! we are going through the most heart breaking thing that can happen in this world, lose your child!

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