by Marie Doran
(Huntington Beach, Ca)
Eric was 36 when he died. He passed away on May 27,2011. He and his wife were driving to a car show at 5 in the morning. He was driving a Model T Hot Rod. They had stopped on the freeway for highway construction. A utility truck did not stop and hit them at 50 mph.
Eric died instantly. His wife survived with injuries.
We saw the accident on t.v. that morning before work. To see your son's car on t.v. and know that he died there is a feeling that can't be described.
It's been 7 months since his passing and it feels like it just happened. It runs like a loop in my head.
The worst part of this is that his wife would not let us have anything to do with his funeral. She didn't want a church, flowers, music, pictures. she didn't even want friends there. We were not allowed anything. I felt like she and her parents took possession of Eric. Even though there is a next of kin law that the spouse has all the rights she could have let us have something. I tried to reach out to her but she did not want to see me or talk to me.
My husband, myself and daughter met with her and her parents at the mortuary to discuss plans, I thought. I was crying and my daughter as well. She said all I want is a graveside service and I don't want anyone there.
Her father stood up in the mortuary and yelled at us and told us that we were all f uped,
we had overstepped our bounds. He pointed his finger at my husband and told him to get his daughter under control.
The mortuary people led them out to look at gravesites and left us there. I can't even describe the devastation from that.
His wife has never contacted us. I don't have anything of Eric's and I probably won't get anything.
So, on top of losing my precious son and the grief I feel I also have to deal with the grief and anger of not having a funeral for my child.
She even picked out his headstone and never asked if there was something we would like inscribed.
When we did see it it broke my heart. she didn't even have the day he was born or the day he died on it.
All it had was his name, the year he was born and the year he died. There was no love on that headstone. I wonder if she really loved him.
They were only married two years and I understand the devastation of losing your husband and you are next to him in the car. I can understand the pain of that, but what about the pain of his parents and his sister. It was like were not a part of anything.
We have been left alone with our pain. We could have comforted each other, celebrated his life together.
I can't even put it all into words, the pain and hurt are so deep. I feel like I had two losses. The death of my beloved son and the death of a relationship I had with his wife. The funny thing is that we were friends with her family. I dont understand what happened. I try to deal with it in therapy, but it's taking a long time.
Thank you for letting me put my feeling and emotions down in this space.