I lost my son on July 28, 2011. He was crushed to death in a car accident, the result of a driver who was intoxicated and high on drugs. Eric had no idea that his 'friend' was impaired the night he got into that car. I find it totally ironic that Eric's death happened this way because he was a recovering substance user himself. He was enjoying life clean and sober for the first time in years, spending time with his family and reconnecting with cousins and friends. He was so proud of himself that God had given him the strength to fight his demons. He would call or text me every morning on my way to work to say 'Good morning mom. It's good to be alive and feeling this good'. I yearn now to hear those words, to hear his voice,to hug him and tell him how very much I love him.
This is a pain worse than anything I've ever known, and something that God does not prepare you for. I had hoped that after a year I would be back to 'normal', but that doesn't fit into my vocabulary now. Life will never be 'back to normal'. There are days and weeks when I feel like I'm getting back to life, but then out of the clear blue I hit bottom. Sometimes I can feel the grief coming on, other times it just slaps me in the face and I'm out of sync for a few days. I have a lot of well-meaning girlfriends and they have been a good support system for me, along with my church, but unless you've been thru this kind of grieving you have no clue how to help. Most of the time all I want is someone to listen to me, to let me cry, to comfort me and walk with me thru this pain.
Nothing can ever replace my beautiful son, but I know that one day I will see him again. For now I have beautiful memories to hold onto.