Losing Everything You Love -I've lost eveything I love my Grandfather, Girlfriend, Tom Cat, Molly Cat, Business & my Health in 2-1/2 years.

by Lee
(England, UK)

Losing Everything You Love -
I've lost eveything I love my Grandfather, Girlfriend, Tom Cat, Molly Cat, Business & my Health in 2-1/2 years.

It all started around March 2010 when my Grandad died after suffering from sugar diabetes. Shortly after in late March 2010 my girlfriend of 10 years walked out & left me, she was the love of my life.
I don't think she could support me in view of the 'hell' I was about to go through.
I had just taken over the 35 year old family business a few years earlier & turned the business around. When the recession took hold in 2010, the banks attacked my company demanding £800k($1.2million) personal guarantee for an overdraft facility. I refused to committe financial suicide so they shut the business down.
I subsequently had to lay off 150 people in Aug 2010. I was the biggest employer in my home town. The cause of the problem was one of the worlds largest oil companies refusing to honour their contract rates.
While I was going through the trauma in May 2010 I went away for a week to Tenerife to try & clear my thoughts.
I got back to find my Tom Cat had mysteriously disappeared, I spent months searching for him & never found him.
I had nearly secured another large contract with another major oil company, but was usurped at the last minute by a competitors insider trading.
On the 4th Aug 2010 I closed the business,  I've been harassed ever since.
The day after I closed the business my dad had his prostrate cancer operation.
Shortly after this i was enroute to a law firm in a neighbouring city & was in a high speed car crash at 80MPH. As a passenger I walked out alive.
Later that month 28th Aug 2010,  I ended up in a fight with the ex-girlfriends new boyfriend in a local pub, which resulted in me being thrown in jail for a night. Believe it or not I ended up making a documentary for the BBC but it has never been broadcast, for political reasons I think.
The stress was really starting to take it's toll.
As the next year rolled on I've had nothing but legal battles and I'm traumatized & exhausted.
Over this period I have been in hospital with heart pains, even though the ECG's said I was fine.
I have now developed chronic pain in my left arm, shoulder & left chest & heart. The pains won't stop, I think it's a broken heart.
At Christmas 12th Dec 2012 my only friend left a cat called Molly died and it's all my fault. A few days earlier she was crying & I was feeling really poorly.
So I gave a real firm kick up the bottom as I put her in the other room.
I may of caught her weak spot, I just don't know. I had just nursed her back to health a few years earlier after pancreatitis, when she nearly died.
I noticed her lose balance a day after the incident & rushed her to the Vets, to find she had kidney failure.
A few days later she was put to sleep.
This feels like the final straw she was all I had left, my cat. Nothing in my life over the last 3 years has gone right.
I have tried to avoid all contact with anyone & everything that I love, as everything seems to go wrong.
I don't think I've slept properly since Xmas 2009.
I wonn't have been paid now for 3 years in April 2013 and have lived off my savings.
My life feels as though it's over, Im a complete failure, I can't think clearly anymore. I have no self worth or esteem.
Can I ask anyone reading this to say a loving prayer for Molly & all those pets, friends & people suffering around the World.
I wouldn't want anyone to go through the pain & suffering of losing everything, pets, best friends & family.
I've always tried my best at everything but in the end I think I lost all hope & integrity after the constant intimidation.
Defending the truth & your principles can cost you your life.
When you've lost everything including hope what's left to lose.
I can only hope that love will heal all universal souls.
Lee

Comments for Losing Everything You Love -I've lost eveything I love my Grandfather, Girlfriend, Tom Cat, Molly Cat, Business & my Health in 2-1/2 years.

Click here to add your own comments

Apr 15, 2013
Dear Lee,
by: Pat

I first read your post and commented on Mar. 22. I noticed you were dwelling on many losses that have occurred in your life. I also noticed what many others have noticed the same thing and have suggested you look in a more positive direction. I am worried about you. You are still dwelling on all your losses. I agree you have had more than your share of tragedy. But, there are ways to turn tragedy into triumph! How many doctors have told you that your way of thinking stinks?! Read the words you wrote. You itemized all the freaky accidents that left some of your employees and other acquiantances dead and you seemed to take it all soooo personally. Then, the day after 9/11, you had a breakdown! It was as if what the world lost on 9/11/2001 was all your fault! Wake up, Lee, and smell the roses. You have had enough tragedy. You need a swift kick in the butt! You have enough material in your life to produce a movie or write a book. I am not kidding. Life gives us challenges. Everyone who ever wrote a book used the material they knew or have experienced.

Believe it or not, there are many others in this world who have had too many losses in their lives too. You are the lucky one. You still have a home, food to eat, and a computer! You need to go visit a 3rd world country and see how starving orphans survive! You are a survivor too or you wouldn't still be here. Stop pouting and find a new direction in your life. I know you are suffering with depression and I hope you are on medication for this. I also hope you are still in therapy. There are also so many things you can do to help yourself. Think of the things you like to do, hobbies or whatever and try to make a new path for yourself. Get another pet. The comfort of a furry friend is very therapeutic.

Did you see the posting from "Anonymous?" He tried to committ suicide, but found hope and didn't do it. You, too, can find hope. That man said that his life had been destroyed, but he did not give up. I will tell you the same thing. Do not give up and start looking up. When you find the right path, you will feel so renewed and rejuvenated. You need to explore ways you can help others, while helping yourself at the same time. Go help hospice patients or cancer patients. Open a restaurant. Just do something you like to do and will help others. It works. It works for many, including me. I just helped start a program to enable hospice patients to keep their pets, even if they cannot care for them or afford the vet care they need. I donated a sizeable amount to get the program started and helped develop it. My love of dogs has helped me get through my own personal journey of grief. You can find a way too. The next time you post, I want to hear good news. I am still sending you many hugs. Pat

Apr 14, 2013
Serial Personal Tradgedy & Major Trauma
by: Lee

Serial Personal Tradgedy & Major Trauma.
Thanks for your reply anonymous.
Around 12years ago I went through a traumatic time.
While I was running the family business we
had a long series of fatalities within a 2year period.
First of all I was working on a conveyor project
for the oil company. I had a welder called Paul drive
from one site to collect some provisions.
He overshot a junction at the cross roads and a
juggarnaut hit him.
The van was crushed & he was killed instantly
I went to the scene that day.
Shortly after I was working on the construction
of nine bridges. A steel erector called Lee was
moving packs of steel bridge parts around the
workshop. I told him to use steel chains rather
than fibre strops to lift as the objects were sharp.
Ignoring this not long after he swung a load over
the top of a bridge cutting through the fibre strop.
The load was catapulted across and he was killed.
Several months after this I had a welder Mick repairing
a hydraulic ram on dock lock gates for the port authority.
They didn't isolate the electrical system and operated
the gates with him inside & crushed his head killing him.
A short while after that my works Forman was driving
back from one site to our head office. As he approached
the school there were two girls on opposite sides of
the road. One of them called the other messing about
she stepped out & my formans van hit her & killed her instantly.
A few weeks later one of my site managers was driving
the same route when a guy jumped out onto the bonnet
committing suicide.
Then my young aunty died from bowel colon cancer.
I was becoming a nervous wreck by this time.
Everytime the phone rang I was petrified.
Shortly after this I ended up in hospital with a nervous
breakdown on 12th Sept 2001. I felt the whole world
was collapsing.
When I got out of hospital a month later my wife
divorced me.
It was like something out of a film, unbelievable.
I seem to get traumatized every ten years.
I don't know how I will get through the current trauma.
Lee


Apr 02, 2013
I know how you feel and send condolences to you
by: Anonymous

I have had a lot of death in my life and not just death but loss in so many other ways. I lost the woman I loved and held her at her last breath. After that a man who was like a brother to me killed himself by jumping from the roof right in front of me. I have been diagnosed with PTSD now because of those two incidents and there are plenty others unfortunately that have come after and its been happening for eleven years since that first death and now I have three close child hood friends left out of fifteen of us and the man that raised me died along with another that was a mentor to me. I have lost my unborn daughter and her mother to a car accident and have tried to have fulfilling relationships with a few other women in my life only to be cheated on and destroyed emotionally even further. I even tried to kill myself but I got help and now here is my advice to you. If it seems cold I am sorry but thanks to all the death I tend to sound that way now. You are a good person who must keep trying to prevail and never give up because it is when you give up that you truly lose. I have had my life destroyed over and over but as long as I don't give in like I almost did once I know that eventually something has to give and I will find my peace in this world. You have to think the same thing because you do have to fight life every step sometimes. So remember never give up and I will be cheering you on and praying for you.

Mar 27, 2013
Does anyone have an answer when you lose everything. I would love to hear it?
by: Doreen U.K.

Holly you are an amazing person. YOU have lost everything and managed to pick yourself up and go on. You asked for an answer.
I wouldn't insult you by trying to figure out how someone like you loses everything and meant to carry on and other's are never touched by such tragedy in life. But I do believe that we all face trials in life. some more than others.
I didn't think my husband would die. I thought God would heal him. But he died. I was angry with God for a long time. Even though I have had a lifetime walk with God so I do know Him. But I know God more through my TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS than I know of him when things are going well (which is not too often).
I got to thinking of the person in war torn countries. People in the streets of Brazil or India who don't have life easy. Children who are EXPLOITED. Suffering everywhere of deep proportions. What if I was in that place?
I still respect your loss and your right to how you feel. But greatest admiration for you moving forward and in a Positive way from what you have been through.
I look at the story of JOB in the Bible. He lost everything. Home, FAMILY, Wealth, and HEALTH. He would not curse God. He Knew God and Blessed God for who He was. God gave him back what he lost and more. There must be a Blessing somewhere in life for us all for what we have lost. It may never make up for what we have lost. EVER. But I wonder if we are meant to learn from life's lessons?
May God be with you! Comfort and Bless you.! May God Bless you in life and ease your pain of loss and brighten all your days and give you an easier life and a break from any more tragedies. May God Build you up now and give you a better life AND HEALING FROM ALL YOUR LOSSES.

Mar 26, 2013
Thanks Holly, Angela, Doreen, Pat & John - Love & Hope
by: Lee

Thanks Holly, Angela, Doreen, Pat & John - Love & Hope
goes out to you all, who are having an extremely tough time.
I feel such humility when confronted with what you have all endured. I just wish I could do one thing that would put all those wrongs right & repair all those happenings.
I hold on to hope & pray things will get better for everyone,
so we can all heal in these global stressful times.
Love, Happiness & 'Peace of Mind' are the greatest riches that can never be bought or sold.
A universal conciousness connects us all in space & time by way of the Aether, touching all our souls.
I ask this higher order to heal all at this time & make the weak strong & the strong help the weak.
Lee

Mar 23, 2013
you are not alone
by: Holly

Lee,
I just read your posting, I cannot sleep either after my losses (most recent 2009). I lost my entire family and two beloved dogs within 2years.

If someone has an answer to why we hit this rock bottom. I'd love to know your thoughts on this.

I for one cannot make sense of it. Why some people go through life with great things happening and others seem to lose everything of value in one swoop. It makes recovery almost impossible.

Like Lee, I have picked myself up and dust myself off to get in the game again and once more something sets me back (most recent, the "Sandy" storm threw a huge tree into my house, it went through the roof and window 2 feet from my head). Some say "I am blessed and lucky". How is that ? no other neighboring home had damage, just mine ! how odd,really

I would like to say, I'm a bad person and have been cruel to all my whole life (this may give some reasoning to it). But, that is not the case. I am giving, supportive and terribly reliable. I somehow wonder how these actions are rewarded with such pain and heart ache.

I am sorry for you pain, your losses and the heartache you go through Lee... Society would like us to pick up and move on and sometimes that is the case and sometimes we just get stuck.

Hugs to you in support and I hope your grief and burdens are lifted quickly

Mar 22, 2013
But you survived for a reason
by: Angela

hat a brave man you are Lee. And respect to you for surviving what many would find too much to bear. Your spirit is stronger than you feel, but the facts speak for themselves. Barely coping and grieving from one tragedy; a whole towns destiny was placed in your hands. And you rose to that challenge and you continued the excellent work your family had done, when many lily livered trust fund boys would have surely blamched - You lead the company through a triple dip recession. Would any one else fared any better in such circumstances? The answer is NO and you know it. When life throws massive curve balls, we all have a tendancy to replay the past to try and work out what we did wrong. It is a soul destroying process and in context of the magnitude of your other circumstances; it is exceptionally painful. It feels like the universe hates our guts. But its an ironic gift.. The painful, horric, mindbendingly, heartstoppingly overwhelming feelings of grief and guilt - facilitates and indeed; is the only way to access your true inner reserves and reliliance it means you really get to know yourself - the good and the bad. We can't change one second of our past. But we can make sure we don't react as badly to any other inevitable consequences of being hunan. You have done an amazingly brave thing. You have taken responsibility for the mistakes you have made, you demonstrate genuine remorse and guilt. Denial is such an insiduous state of mind, that leads to lies, deceiet, pain, anger, regret.. You have faced up to everything, You have realised that love and the hope of love has kept your spirit burning. The universe only ever chooses extraordinary people to have the benefit of these life lessons. Focus on the magic, funny, shocking moments of the last few years. I imagine you have learnt a lot about yourself. Choose to stay sanguine in the face of ignorance, choose to talk like a survivor, not a victim. Your emotional intelligence, courage, tenacity and providence made me post for the first time. You moved me and inspired me to provide some words of comfort and hope to you. Havnt you ever wondered why the universe chose you? I've had a similar plight and proudly survived. I lost everything. Every day is a blessing for me now, and sure as day follows night, you've an equally spectacular future ahead of you. Living a mediocre life isn't painful, but niether is it living. Love yourself first and the rest will follow. The universes rewards far outweigh the lessons x Sending you cosmic sparkles of love,lite and hope. Start writing the book lee x

Mar 22, 2013
Losing Everything You Love - I've lost everything I love my grandfather, girlfriend, Tom Cat, Molly Ca, Business & my Health in 2 1/2 years.
by: Doreen U.K.

Lee You have hit Rock Bottom. You have been in the wars. You have lost the strength to keep fighting so your HOPE is what is suffering.
You are actually a very lucid, articulate, and strong man to have come through this and still left standing to fight another day. Death of a business, pets, people, and health has left you so depleted that you have no strength to fight another day. You know what. You have come through the FIRE. and You are still intact. You walked out of a car accident INTACT. I THINK GOD IS WATCHING OVER YOU.
Most of the successful people have lost it all. And they got it all back. HOW? BECAUSE THEY NEVER GAVE UP! "A quitter never wins". " A WINNER NEVER QUITS." When I hit rock bottom and felt my life was over. This is the quotation I read. I got the strength to keep on marching forward. I even lost all HOPE. When you feel you are sinking. something inside you tells you to swim.
Tragedy is part of the answer to get to the TRIUMPH. You will rise from the ashes. You will be successful again. You will get your HOPE back.
You are ALIVE. You will live to fight another day. You will come back stronger. We are living in turbulent times. Business's are folding. But this is not a reason to give up. Keep on fighting. You will WIN. Because quitters never Win and something tells me that you are not a quitter but a WINNER. TAKE TIME OUT FOR REST & RECOVERY OF HEALTH.
May God go before you and build you up to become a Winner again in life and learn that the sun shines even in the valley. You may feel like you have hit the bottom of the well but the tragedy is staying there. You can't have the Victory if you haven't had a battle. Best wishes.

Mar 22, 2013
Dear Lee,
by: Pat

Your story really touched me. You have clearly been through hell. I have felt much the same way only on a smaller scale. In 2009, I lost my mother. In 2011, I lost my father, brother, and fiance' all in the same year. I've always identified myself as a daughter, a wife, a sister, etc. until 1 day I looked in the mirror and said to myself "who are you; you look a mess?" I have been wallowing in grief and self-pity, feeling much the same as you do. I've lost everyone I ever loved too.

After looking at the mess I have become in the mirror,I decided I have to reinvent my life. My labels are gone and it's time to find out who I really am; just me by myself. I do have 2 dogs who mean everything to me. I can certainly understand your grief over losing your cats. I have no clue as to how to help you with the loss of your business. I was already retired when my losses started. What I do know is that where you are now is not working. You are making yourself miserable. I can tell that you have been involved in some big oil business. You now have a new opportunity to reinvent yourself. Put pen to paper and write about the things you like to do and the people you admire, as well as the traits you admire in them. The very act of putting pen to paper is very therapeutic. I have used it as a self-discovery tool. Figure out what it is that you have never done before, but always wanted to. Now is the time to fulfill that dream. I bet you have a lot of business contacts. Talk with them, brainstorm, and figure out how you can accomplish new things.

Your negative approach is not working. What's gone is gone. Instead of making yourself sick over what you have lost, you can start out with a whole new plan. You ran a large business for many years. You have a lot of talent and resources. You are definitely not a failure. Every human being hits "bumps in the road," even potholes, but we can pick ourselves up and find a new path. Go do it. You are wasting precious time.

Stop isolating yourself from the few people you still have in your life. Treasure and build on those relationships. As you know, life is short. Don't waste anymore time separating yourself from the rest of your family. There will always be hope. But hope is a choice we make. You can have it or you can destroy yourself by not having it. I think you could benefit from some counseling, as well as a grief support group. The counseling will help to redirect your life to something positive. The support group will give you contacts with other people who are also grieving from losses. It is time for you to take control of your life. You have been letting grief control you and it isn't working. Break out of that rut and shine!!!! I send you many hugs and blessings.

Pat

Mar 22, 2013
OMG!!!!
by: John Pitts

You have been through just about more than anyone else I've ever known. And yet, you want to heal. That is the love you have for yourself. You love yourself. And, this must become your foundation for repairing to a comfortable place the daily things in your life. You need something new in your life. I don't know what it is yet. I'm no expert. I've had an awful time as well. I don't know where I'm going either. But, listen, we both must start with love for ourselves. Email me anytime day or night. Please... My name is John. I lost my partner of 22 years and it's coming up to 11 months ago. Aside from your situation and mine not being able to compare. We are both lost. Please email me. Let's communicate. I'm John from Carmel, Indiana, USA. Tell me some interesting good things about you. I'm sure there are some....joanpi67@yahoo.com

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Multiple Losses.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • XML RSS
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget
->


 POPULAR
  RESOURCES


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the

GRIEF CLUB


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief
Program

Free Griefwork
E-Course

Free Stress
Management
E-Course



SBI Video Tour!