Losing My Baby Girl
(New York )
I lost my baby girl. She was an 11-year Chihuahua that I had for 6 years of her life. She was a joy, loved to cuddle and play. She had a bad temper like her kind of breed normally do. She would run after people and dogs all the time but never attacked anyone. That night she died she was running after someone. I was taking the trash out and she followed me. She went to pee on the lawn like she normally does. She normally just pees and waits for me at the porch. But this time she didn't. I live on a busy street, lots of traffic and cars. I just remember looking up and seeing her in the street. I screamed her name and she started walking towards me. She was looking straight at my angry face when the car hit her. I began screaming for my brother who came out right away. I stopped traffic and he got her out the streets. I began to scream if she was okay and he told me not to get near the body. I just remember telling him if she dead, make sure she dead I don't want her suffering. He told me to go inside and calm down. I'm epileptic and stress triggers my seizures. He went to call a vet. I went back outside. I remember seeing the back of her. I pet her and told Mami here baby girl, everything will okay. I didn't want to see the front of her. The image of her getting hit was traumatizing enough. I just pet her soft fur and telling her I was sorry Baby girl. She was so little (6 pounds), So loveable. She was given to me 6 years ago because the owner didn't want her. She was used for her puppies so she had a bad start of life. When I got her I was a depressed 16 year who just moved to a new state. I've gained 60 pounds in a year and didn't leave my house. My mom worked three jobs and I didn't see her offend. My mom thought getting me a dog would help me with my depression and it did. She was a joy. Brought light back to my life. It so amazing what something so small can do. Everyone knew my love for her and I got so much support from those who knew me. I'm starting to see a therapist for my depression. I have high hope that I will move on but it will take time. This summer will be a hard one. I use to spend my summers home from school in the park with her or on the couch watching tv. Those who don't know me don't understand the magnitude of my loss. She was my child, what I looked forward seeing when I came home. Who I looked at when I woke up and now all I see is an empty bed. If she would have died of natural causes I would have felt better because it was her time. I wasn’t ready to lose her and still am not. I’m only 21 years old and have a whole life ahead of me, I just hope one day I’ll be able to look at her picture and smile because I was the mom to an amazing dog. Sorry for my poor grammar, I’m crying way too much to fix it. Thanks for listening to my story. It feels good to be able to write it down.