Losing my Daddy

by Judy McNamara
(Illinois)

My Dad died on April 21, 2010. It was the worst day of my life. My Dad had been ill for some time with heart issues and diabetes. He was the greatest man I have ever known. My parents were divorced when I was small and my Dad had remarried. His wife didn't like my sisters and I so it made if very difficult to take care of my Dad on his final days. She isn't the caring type of person like my Dad and sisters are.

We never got to go through my Dad's clothes or belongings due to his wife locked us out of the house the day that he died. I have a couple pairs of his socks and I wear them all the time in the evenings when I am home. I watch videos that we have of him from time to time. It's nice to see him moving and talking.

My Dad loved us so much and was always there for us to talk to and help us with any problem that we might have in life. He was the center of our family and now there is no one to take over that position.

I don't know how I'm going to make it through the holidays this year. I just want to curl up in a corner and forget the world. It has made me not care about so many things anymore that I always thought were so important.

We lost my brother-in-law three weeks before my Dad died and that was very sudden. He died of a heart attack on March 27, 2010. This has made things doubly difficult. My poor sister has had to try to deal with both of these losses.
I now worry about my son all the time. I worry that something could happen to him and I don't know what I would do then. He is all I really have now.