Losing My Daughter

Losing my daughter was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in my life. Yes I have lost loved ones before but never has it hit me as bad as this. I feel guilty all the time though I am told by friends, family and my partner that it's not my fault but I can't help it. What hurt alot was the fact she only lived for five minutes after being born and I had to watch her struggling to breath wanting so much to trade places with her I would have given anything for it to be the other way around or even better to save her provide her with a chance at life but unfortunatly I wasn't able to do that and it haunts me everyday.

Everday since she died has been extremly hard some days I struggle to have the motavation to want to get out of bed to go do something, anything with my day. And when I can get up to go out I can't fully concentrate on what I have to do that day. I find myself asking why her? why my little girl? why do little ones get taken away at all?. It was way too soon for her to be taken I honestly don't know if I will ever recover or even find it alittle easier to live with, I don't handle loosing someone I love too well never have been able to so I don't think this will even get the slightest bit easier.

It's just soo painful, I find myself longing to have her in my arms to be able to look after her when I see people with their children and pregnant women. In a way I envy them but I don't want to be doing that I don't like that sometimes I do that but I can't help it sometimes I see parents with children and pregnant women in town or something and I think to myself they are soo lucky they are experiencing what I should be experiencing the joy of bringing up children loving them, caring for them.

Friends of mine have children which makes it even harder plus my partner has nephews but for some reason I find it easier to be around little boys than little girls. That's most probably because the baby I lost was my little girl so its painful to see little girls running round living life and having fun which leaves me thinking that it should be my little girl living life and having fun maybe not running around because she was only a baby but still living life.

Family, friends and my partner have said I can go to any of them for chat but I find it hard to talk to them so that's why I have been looking for sites that provide forums or chat rooms for me to talk to parents who are going through the same thing as me I think it would really help. But I'm not sure how that would go as this is my first and hopefully my last experience of losing a child. I guess I am looking for advice maybe support from non-family members and a nice chat so I don't feel alone in this I know I have my partner but it does to be honest feel like it's just me sometimes not always but sometimes.

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Aug 07, 2013
Losing my Daughter
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your baby daughter. It was you who carried that baby girl inside you and it is you who will bear the greatest pain. You bonded with this baby girl inside your womb. You didn't have the time to do this had she lived. What you feel is normal and natural to lose your motivation, to not be able to get back into life or be normal for some time. It has been 15 months for me losing my husband of 44yrs. 15 months ago to cancer and I am beginning to feel a lack of motivation to get stuck into my day. No one has the right to tell you when to do what or how you should feel. Guilt is normal when losing someone. But make sure if your guilt is consuming you that you talk over your feelings with a counsellor so you don't assault yourself with grief. I have been there and it was only counselling that gave me the freedom to live again without guilt. It feels so good now to cope with life. But I do still feel my loss greatly and always will. I just hope the pain gets less and I don't feel the isolation and lonliness consume me.
Take one day at a time and talk to someone impartial who will give you the correct support you need. When you come through this you will be stronger and will understand better that you are not guilty for the loss of your child.
You will go on to have other babies but make sure you pray to the creator God for his protection over you and that He will grant you another child and take care of this child whilst you carry it and that he/she will be healthy and that God will bless your motherhood/fatherhood. You will get stronger and I hope all goes well for you in the future and that you will have a strong and healthy family in the future.

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