Losing my hero was quite a shock.

My dad passed away September 26,2012. He was diagnosed with bladder cancer exactly three months before, June 26. But he did not die from bladder cancer. He was stage 2.
My mom called an ambulance because my dad had been throwing up for two days and could not walk. She thought it was the effects of his second treatment of chemo. My dad was 73 and still working part time as a general contractor for his own company. He was a strong, smart, hard working man.
At the hospital they hooked him up to iv's and said he had an infection. The next day he was struggling to breathe. We believe the hospital over hydrated my dad and did him worse. The dr wrote on his death certificate as Septic shock.
My mom and I were there when my dad passed away. At first I wished I wasn't there, because it kept playing over and over in my head. But as little time has passed, I am grateful to be there holding his hand and seeing him go peacefully. It was like he went to sleep.
The hardest part of all of it, is that it was a shock, even the doctors were shocked that he passed. They thought he would get better.
Another hard part is that I am 37 female and I was a big time daddy's girl. I saw him every weekend almost. My husband worked with him full time. I feel that my husband has not been supportive and tells me that he has moved on. He has been cold and distant. I want someone I can lean on and talk to, but he makes me feel like I am dragging it out and I need to just "heal" and move on. I CAN'T, I pray all the time for healing and support.
My husband and I are not talking right now and he is sleeping in the travel trailor next to the house. I wonder if the grieving process has made me too sensitive or if he is just plain cold about it?

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Nov 04, 2012
Losing my hero was quite a shock.
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your husband. Don't CHANGE anything about how you are grieving. You are not too sensitive. You can't rush grief and you can't heal quicker than is possible. You did not do this to yourself. Death occurred and happened to you. You were robbed of your father. If your husband cannot support you in grief you may have to find others to support you.
If someone from your husband's side died and you treated him abruptly and moved on he would not like it. He may think you DIDN'T CARE. Your husband is showing a thoughtless, and careless attitude towards your feelings and your grief. If he wants to move on then let him. ~ But don't let anyone stop you from feeling and expressing your grief.
At a time of losing someone in Death a family can show more fractures and many can separate. I have seen this happen a lot. More people walk away at this time, and in some cases others are brought closer. You need support and you should seek this from those family members or friends who are able to stand by you.
Your husband may be a little jealous of your relationship with your father, and this is his way of blanking you out. You will have to decide how you are going to process these facts. You can do nothing about what is happening, you may just have to carry on in your own way taking care of yourself and trying to get through each day. This is hard enough a journey without having difficulty in relationships added to the mix.

Nov 04, 2012
our dady's
by: Anonymous

Hi, my dad went in a similar way. It's extremely hard to get past replaying those final weaks and watching him go. It's like a horror movie replaying in my head a thousand times. I'm glad I was there for him, but I can't stand the images I saw. I have felt the same way as you do about my husband. he told me "it's just your dad, get over it". But he doesn't know what it's like to be a daddy's girl, even at 39! We were having an extremly hard time and I thought we were headed directly for divorce. He thought I was insane. I used his thought process of me being insane to get him to a counselor with me. It's helped our marriage a lot. He's gotten to express how difficult and helpless feeling it is for him and I get some help and insight about what I'm going through. He has too actually. Hearing from an educated person that I haven't lost my mind and this is normal has helped him lay off me. And I've become aware of how overly sensative I am right now. That allows me to put my reactions to things into perspective. I've taken a lot of my grief out on him unknowingly. Especially the anger. I was standing still in my grief for a few months but I'm moving through it again and it's better. Don't get me wrong, I'm still grieving just as hard and still get angry at other people. But now I can ask myself am I really angry at them or am I angry that my dad passed and in such a shocking and horrible way.
I just thought you might consider getting help and even using your pain as an excuse to get your husband in to a counselor with you. It's helping me and my marriage a lot.
God bless and keep praying for peace, I'm told we'll get some peace again at some point and I have to have faith in that for now.

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