Losing my husband from cancer

by Diane

I lost my husband to colon cancer at the the age of 51., 7weeks ago and It gets harder for me each day. We been together for26 yrs. my dad past away 10 months before my husband. My dad and mom came to stay with me to help with my husband and 2months after my dad was also diagnosed with cancer and died a month later. I lost the two important men in my life. My husband and. Dad where so much a like. They both had great, caring and amazing personalities. Everyone was drawn to both of them. My husband and I did everything together except work. We never spent a day apart. I have a sister who I'm extremely close too, but I feel so alone. My sister is on vacation with her husband and friends which seems to make me feel bad I can't do that anymore with my husband.. I don't want to be bitter , but I thought my sister would cancel her trip to be with me., because that's something I would of done. I know people have there own lives and I must except it. Everyone is telling me I have to go back to work(I did this week) try to keep busy but I just miss my husband. Every night before bed and. Every morning we gave each other a kiss and said I love you. I just can't imagine my life with out him. Watching my dad and husband dying of cancer is/was so devastating .

Comments for Losing my husband from cancer

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Jul 14, 2014
losing our spouse is a test for us
by: Anonymous--MI

Diane, I am sorry for the grief you are going through with the death of your husband. I know how you feel as my husband died of sudden Cardiac Arrest 20 months ago. Sometimes when I think back on the day of his death it still is a shock to me that he really is gone from my life. I will never be able to really accept his death; I guess I just am 'stuck' in grief at the moment. We were married for 43 yrs and he was and is the love of my life. I know the empty days and nights that you speak of and the resentment and anger that others still have their spouses and happiness. But, if I am to be honest 'wasn't I just that same way?' giving my sympathy and then going on with my life with my wonderful husband . I have great faith in God and know that He has a time for all of us to be born and to die. He makes no mistakes. However, I feel that we are put to a test to see if we can keep our faith and trust in God. This, even for people who have served the Lord for years, is a trial to keep our trust and eyes on Jesus and to know that heaven is but a breath away for we who believe. It is hard to be cheerful and glad for others in their joy when we do not feel any joy for ourselves. I have to remind myself and try hard not to be bitter. Others will be in our shoes one day and they too will know the heartbreak of this horrible journey. But, as for me, I must keep my faith in God; He is the one who will save me and give me back my happiness one glad day. God Bless You and all on this site.

Jul 14, 2014
Deepest sympathy
by: Lawrence

Hi Diane,
Regretfully you have joined a web site of people who are also in agony after losing a loved one.
Read all our stories and perhaps it will give you a little relief from your own overwhelming grief.
I have been asked many times “Why did it happen, it isn't fair” my reply is always the same “life isn't fair” it not meant to be, it’s just LIFE.
You are very wise returning to work, don’t stay alone in your house and cry, get out as much as you can, it will still be there empty and lonely when you return.
I was standing in your shoes eighteen months ago when my precious wife died almost in my arms on Christmas Day 2012, one minute talking and two hours later I was kissing her goodbye, closing her eyes and thanking her for seventy years of pure bliss on her deathbed.
So believe me I know.
There is no pain you will have ever experienced in your life before, to compare to this heartache and feeling of emptiness.
Don’t expect too much of people, they will express their sympathies and then get on with their own lives, which we have done ourselves.
Bottom line is that you are on your own on this road of grief, its long and you will shed many tears before you can see the end, believe me there is an end otherwise I couldn't write this comment to you when really all I wanted to do was join my wife.
With deepest Sympathy

Jul 13, 2014
by: Debby

Hi, I feel you pain, just as everybody on this site does. We all will be praying for you and your recovery from the grief. My husband passed away on January 9, 2014, suddenly and completely unexpected from a fall in our house. All I say when friends ask me how are you doing is, it sucks. Right? That's all I know, my life is empty. It's just a big void where my husband should be. All I can say is, roll with the pain, it almost becomes a part of you, and you live with it. Day by day, I bury it deep inside where it's safe and no one can see it. Laughing on the outside, crying on the inside. Hang in there! You'll find some coping skills here on this site, and just remember, we are all here for you, in our hearts and in our prayers!
Wishing you healing and comfort,

Jul 13, 2014
Losing my husband from cancer
by: Doreen UK

Dianne I am so sorry for your loss of your husband to cancer. This is such a horrible cancer journey. I also went through this cancer journey for 3yrs.39days when I also lost my husband to a deadly cancer 2yrs. ago. His cancer was in his body for 40yrs. slowly growing in his lungs from the fibres of asbestos he inhaled in the workplace in his 20's. A young man who did his duty working daily for his family. His environment killed him.
I understand your feelings of loneliness. One feeling that is common to us all is how sensitive we feel after we lose our spouse/loved one. We don't make it happen. It is an aspect of grief. It almost feels insensitive that the world carries on and it is irritating to hear people laugh and enjoy life whilst we are hurting so much. WE don't deny them their happiness and that life goes on. But grief did this to us. Made us FOCUS on our own pain and hurt for the first time. I was happy my sister's husband was saved from an aneurysm and lived, but hurt that God took my husband and she gets to enjoy her life she uttered in a very self centred way. I too felt neglected. Watching my sister boast of going on holiday whilst I felt so ALONE. Having healed a little from my loss of my husband I see things so differently. Everyone goes on to live their own lives and we who lost our spouse feel excluded from those family get togethers and feel left out. I also felt like you. Try and take the FOCUS off your sister not cancelling her holiday to stay with you. If she could she would have done so. I have booked my first holiday in 19yrs. I need this after losing my husband 2yrs. ago. If my father dies in the time I go on holiday I wouldn't cancel. Not because I don't care. But because other people are dependent on this holiday and me being there and this is how I have to honour what I do. Plus you can't re-schedule a holiday and have it later. You would lose all your money. It is just the timing that is wrong for you. 7 weeks into your loss. Your sister probably planned this holiday in advance. I know how hurt you feel. I can remember my early days and weeks of grief and how I felt neglected by my sister's all enjoying life and not calling me for a week or so. Oh! how lonely those first weeks felt. I felt ABANDONED. Best thing for you to do is to put many good things in your day just for you. Do this every day till it becomes a way of life. You will be building up your self esteem and the best foundation to healing from grief. Don't listen to other people telling you what you should do. HONOUR your own feelings. If you don't feel like doing anything. THEN DON'T. If you can afford a holiday then take it with someone who can go with you. It will do you the world of good. Build yourself up and nurture yourself back into life. YOUR WAY. FOCUS is the key. I had to force myself to not think of other people enjoying their lives whilst I was hurting. I used T.V. as a distraction from my hurt and pain. It will take you some time to think differently. YOU CAN'T do it so soon because you are facing RAW GRIEF. Life will get better for you in time. But meantime either see a grief counsellor, grief group, or just a bunch of friends to hang out with. You will find out what works for you. My 3 Adult children are living their own lives and I feel alone and neglected. Never getting a phone call all week, but perhaps a visit once a week to see my 2 grandchildren for a couple of hours. I am getting used to this and now doing my own thing. One day people will come looking for you, but you will be off enjoying life your own way. Don't give up hope. People don't mean to exclude us as widows. it is just the nature of this fast paced busy lives that most people are living now holding down a job, and a family.

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