losing my leslie

by cynthia daniel
(fresno california)

this was my daughters viewing

this was my daughters viewing

hello, my name is cyndi. and i lost my oldest child on sept 22 2012. she went to sleep the night before and never woke up. she left behind 3 children and a navy husband. she was a stay at home mother and wife. she loved her children beyond any words could describe. she was only 34. she was not sick nor had she been sick. god how i miss my daughter. i am not dealing with this well at all. i feel numb all over. it just seems so surreal. i cant accept this. i feel so alone. that everyone has abandoned me. iam still not able to go back to work and i am sinking financial every day. but i dont care my pgand e will b turned off by the end if this day. and i just got a 3 day notice to pay rent. i guess i will be living in a box. i miss her so much and truly dont know what to do. all i do i just sit and stare. i ache all over not sleeping or eating what do i do.

Comments for losing my leslie

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Jun 22, 2013
Losing my Leslie
by: Doreen U.K.

Cynthia it has been 10 months since you posted losing your daughter leslie to a sudden death. I hope that you are in a less painful place with your grief and loss of a daughter. I hope that your financial difficulties at the time of your loss of Leslie worked themselves out where you were able to find financial stability. When we lose a loved one we trigger off so many other problems that come our way. If one is working this seems such a struggle. Then you had the terrible physical weakness in your body from your grief that holds one back on a daily basis. You also said you felt all alone as if you were abandoned. This is such a difficult feeling to cope with. I hope you are in a more stable place of grief and coping better. I hope that your grandchildren are also coping with the loss of their mother. I have 3 Adult children and would feel crushed if I were to lose any one of them. This is a mother's worst nightmare, losing a child/Adult child. Our Children grow up and we release them to Life. We are never ever prepared to lose them. Pray over your grandchildren every day for their protection in life and I hope that life gets better for all of you.

Jun 21, 2013
God is Love
by: Anonymous

I lost my oldest daughter age 29, she passed away with complications from her X-ray section, she left three babies and a family that loved her so much, well the only way to get through it, is God, no other way, know that he will give u strength. GOD FIRST, FAMILY ALWAYS...

Oct 27, 2012
losing my leslie
by: Doreen U.K.

Cyndi I am so sorry for your loss of your very young daughter leslie to a sudden death. This surreal feeling is due to the sudden death. Disbelief will set in and all the other stages of grief. This grief journey is so very difficult on the body. I lost my husband to cancer coming up to 6 months now and I am still crying more and in so much emotional pain. I can't bear this loss. 47yrs. together. 44yrs of this was in marriage. I just can't get used to this loss.
You could benefit from counselling to help support you with a sudden death. If you try to cope with this by yourself it will take longer and it just may be that you will be in a better position to return to work quicker. I know what employers are like for employees taking time off work. You only get a short time off for bereavement.
Grief makes one feel ill. To lose an Adult Child is a very painfull battle to endure. No one would expect you to get over this type of loss at all ever. The pain would just get less over the years. Who will look after the children? It is so very sad for very young children to lose their mother so early in life. You all as a family need
a lot of support to get over the shock and the loss of a mother and daughter. Cyndi I hope that you have a good family and friend structure who will be able to support you well outside of any counselling you may decide on. I know what you are going through with grief. It is so painfull and there is nothing we can take for this pain. We just have to endure this. Which is why counselling will work. It will also take the edge off of grief.

Oct 27, 2012
its hard but you need to belteve in God
by: Anonymous

I lost my daughter Michelle she was my girl who loved life and her mommy, I was bless to have her for 30yrs.. I'm hurting my hear t is broken, I cry every minute, I scream out her name Michelle...I ask why ,Why God... I feel for my Michelle, she didn't know she was crossing over Sept.11,2012 in her sleep...she was excited for her birthday and was going to start working with me...I'm so lost.. But I have to believe that my Michelle is with me and that she died peacefully and that she is happy.. Michelle would want me to be happy for her, she's in the kingdom of heaven with our Lord....yes the pain will never go away.. but you have to honor Leslie, by living and taking care of her children..God is good...My Michelle graduate with her white gown and cap to the beautiful kingdom of heaven. Pray to Jesus and to your daughter to give you strength and signs that she's okay.. My Michelle said to me in her dream.. Mommy don't cry too much I know you miss me but I'm right beside you always, I love you, I will never leave you..

Oct 27, 2012
losing baby leslie
by: beverly rose

hello cyndi my name is bev and i know just how you are feeling,please for leslie's childern you must go on,hubie my son passed on july 15 2012 fromm cancer, he was only sick for two weeks. he was my best friend that i've ever had.i have two more childern and 7 grands.hubie little girl eve said to me (grandmama your not going away are you, your my best grandmama,)how can i not be here for hubie's childern, he can't be i must go on for him! and you will have to be strong for your leslie.i have the word of god that we will see and be with our babys again.they are looking over us,please find some way to go on and be with her threw her childern! i will pray for you and please hold on it will get better when you hug her childern you will be huging her again.

Oct 27, 2012
Losing my Leslie
by: Barbara

I'm so sorry for your loss. There are no words or time to make the pain go away. It seems you are stuck. But you do have your grandchildren.
I'm in the almost the same position. I know the feeling. It's hard to go to sleep and then it's hard to wake up because we have to think.
I haven't been able to work for a couple of years and I am in the same position losing my home etc.
I can't be around people and talk anymore.
I've called for help like the crisis center, the church etc. My daughter didn't pass away but got really bad on drugs and tried to kill me. She stole from me my jewelry anything she could sell for drug money. Now, I can't see my grandchildren.
I worked hard for 40 years to make our lives good now I'm 65 years old and lost everything. Homes and jewels mean nothing but without loved ones I have nothing. People say just go out and make a new life for myself. How can I do that? She wants me dead I guess she thinks once I'm dead she will have everything but nothing will be left.
I don't mean to talk about me but I feel the same way just a differnt situation. I haven't seen any of them in over a year. I feel like I don't have a soul or a spirit. I've read the bible, go to church, pray, to try to bring myself back around.
I hope you can find the strength to go on. At least you hopefully can be a grandmother. I have always been sooo strong and independent but this time the pain is unbareable. And nobody gets it...they all think I'm still strong and now I feel abandoned and alone. I hope you have family and friends to help you. I made a mistake I removed myself from society out of shame.
I can only imagine how you must feel, mine is so small compared to your pain. There is no such word as closure and it takes TIME to comeback and grief has so many stages and we have to go through each step and do it your own way. There is no time limit it's your personal grief. I will pray for you and may God bless you and help you while you go through this process.

Oct 27, 2012
Accept His Comfort
by: Anonymous

My heart aches for you, as I was "stuck" in your same shoes earlier this year. I lost the love of my life in a tragic accident. Everything came to a screeching halt. I felt like I had been sucker punched in the gut. It came out of nowhere. I literally just sat and sobbed to the point of whimpering. All I could do to even help me take one small step was turn it all over to God and accept His comfort in the process. My little ones needed a mom, even though I had nothing in me to give. I will tell you that it was only through forcing myself to take at least one small step a day that I have finally been able to take bigger steps. Today, I am going to get out of bed. Today, I am going to take a shower. (Took me awhile just to wash my hair!) Today, I am going to wash clothes. Today, I am going to make a meal. With these small steps, I was eventually able to start functioning again. Let God help you make those small steps, too.

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