Losing My Mom and My Best Friend

by Total Mess
(West Virginia)

My Mom found out she had cancer when she was having breathing problems and I took her to the emergency room thinking she had pneumonia. In fact her lungs were full of fluid from cancer and they found a mass near her pancreas. They said she was eat up with cancer and gave her about 2 to 4 weeks to live. We even had her taken to Duke University and they gave us no hope at all.

When she was released from there we took her to a local cancer facility. They immediately started treating her and she lived for about 2 more years. They thought they had gotten all the cancer so they gave her a break for the holidays but by the time the break was over the cancer had started to spread and went to her brain.

That was almost 4 years ago, and I'm still dealing with my grief. I had been treated for depression for several years prior to this, now I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I've had a terrible time, I've played with alcohol, drugs, and most recently I flipped my car on it's top and got a DUI.

I am in therapy now, but I can't accept my mother's death. I have a huge chip on my shoulder and mostly I'm mad at the world. This has affected my marriage and other relationships. I don't know how to accept the changes in my life and the hole she left.

My Dad also remarried 2 years ago and that has been another battle, to try to forgive him because I feel betrayed, and to accept my step mother, who is a wonderful person. But I do resent her because she is here and my mom isn't.

Comments for Losing My Mom and My Best Friend

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Dec 06, 2010
My love: to you <3
by: Anonymous

Everything passes with time. I'll put it plain and simple: FEEL BETTER. Okay, that's a little too simple. My mom died a week ago of cancer. I am thirteen years old. Set a good example; be an inspiration. Make your mother proud. Would your mother want you to be miserable poisoning yourself with drugs and alcohol? It makes me angry to hear that you are self-destructive. What makes me even more angry is that you know that you are and you continue to do it, and you continue to dig your hole to china and you believe that there is no way out.

Grow some wings and be super man/woman! That is how people will see you... a super hero! Love yourself as you loved your mom! You may not believe in god... but I do. If you don't, seriously reconsider being atheist or whatever. You need SOMETHING to believe in, honey!

Every time you drink etc. you kill yourself a little more; do you know that? Every time you go and do something in rage or in depression you prolong your grief! You dig another scoop of dirt out of your hole! Take yourself away from all bad influences - I don't care if that means that you have to move, cut your hair and change your name!

If you feel that you don't have anyone you are wrong. Lean on the good influences in your life if any. Another thing - even when you feel like no one is there for you, and no one is there to love you I will tell you personally that there is. My own heart goes out to you. If you go to church you can learn about the one person that is always there and meet so many wonderful loving people at church. Some of my best friends are from church. I'll tell you first hand I used to be an atheist and I was miserable. But then I found god.
Love,
CareBear

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