Losing my Mom

by Pamela
(Knoxville, TN)

Thanksgiving 2005

Thanksgiving 2005

It happened so slowly, that we really didn't know what was going on. I knew Mom wasn't as energetic as usual, but it didn't seem to be anything serious. Then, she started losing weight, and complaining about fatigue and her knee and hip hurting. I thought it was probably arthritis, which seemed reasonable. But when walking became difficult, and she no longer wanted to make our usual weekend trips to town, I knew something was definitely wrong.

I felt so terrible and guilty when I returned to her house about 11 pm one night, after spending the whole day with the guy I was seeing at the time, and she was on the couch with a heating pad, looking up at the ceiling. It was a frightening sight!

I asked what was going on and she just said she didn't feel well. She got to bed ok, but it just didn't look good. A few days later, she told me that she thought her bladder was coming out, and that her sister had the same problem and didn't go to the doctor. My cousin was upset about this. In disbelief, I just said, "What??"

How could someone have something hanging out of their body and not run, screaming, to the doctor for help?

The next weekend, Valentine's weekend, was the worst. I was with her the whole time, and she just sat in the chair across from me. Not getting up or anything.

I brought her a valentine's card and a box of her favorite Russell Stover's chocolate. She said, "Oh, I knew you would get me something!" I think she may have eaten one or two pieces of the candy. She had to hold onto furniture to move around. When she made it to bed, I broke down and started crying.

"Mom, how could you let this get so bad?"
She asked me to lay next to her and I did, and she said, "I don't know, Pam, I guess I could've went to the doctor for a check up."

After that, the next Monday, my sister noticed blood coming from Mom's private area, and decided she had to go to the hospital. I left work and drove back home to be with them.

At first, they thought it was a blood clot. I went to get a drink and my sister and nephew were in tears. The blood clot was very large, and apparently caused by a tumor. Mom would need to be transferred to a hospital over an hour away.

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