Losing my Mom

by Hillary Stevens
(Tennessee)

My mom left the world May 13, 2006. I just so happened Mother's Day was that Sunday. I was 12. My mother committed suicide. I have never felt so alone and helpless in my life. I miss her affection, her hugs and her voice. I miss the way she could always make me smile at the end of a bad day... She had a personality everyone adored, I am blessed enough to say I have the same.. Her smile could light up a room, I just wish she was here for my senior prom and graduation. That's the hard part. I try to be happy. But I just miss my mom.

Comments for Losing my Mom

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Jul 16, 2014
I lost my mom at the same age - 12
by: Anonymous

I lost my mother at exactly the same age in a car accident. The particular experience you have will relate a lot to the relationship with your father as he is now your only parent. In my case my father was rather distant emotionally, so it was doubly hard, and I was super close to my mother. In any case I had to re-invent myself over time in order to cope with everything. The brain has to develop in a slightly different direction in order to come to terms with the death and the lack of love. My father tried to take over Mum's role to an extent, but it is not really possible and there were other siblings and difficult work pressure so even time with him was very limited. You basically have to learn to love yourself. You become hypersensitive to love and it can even be painful to receive love from other people, it triggers mourning very strongly. So I'm writing 30 years on and once every year or two something can still trigger me to cry (even it is rare now, it can happen) related to memories of my mother and what I miss, but it is not so simply as missing but mourning something related. Relationships are difficult because I find it difficult to commit to a woman - I am told that this relates to a sub-conscious fear of loss again, but it definitely does not feel like that - it is just difficult to commit completely to a relationship in the sense of settling down with someone - it is easy to become attached to women, but to support them (not just supporting yourself as you have to do at the young age to survive) is really hard to do in a complete unconditional sense. In any case, I am happy, I can even say very happy (and have been for the last 20 years or so, the 10 years after the death were very hard but got easier over time). I know I'm only touching the surface but I thought I'd write to you anyway. You will definitely recover completely and renew the sense of consonance and happiness and not be worse or better off - in a abstract sense - but you will just be a different person than you would have been, that is the key thing to keep in mind.

Mar 25, 2013
Losing my Mom
by: Doreen U.K.

Hillary I am so sorry for your loss of your mom to suicide at such a young age. You are now 19yrs of age and due to maturity now happening you will feel different at each stage of life. But you will never get over the loss of your mom especially to this type of sudden death. There are so many unexplained answers you need and if someone can fill in the gaps for you this may make you feel more at peace. But you will have these scars forever. At such a young age you would have been traumatised. Who took care of you? You were of an age to know and understand what was happening. But too young to know all the details and the Adult responses because you were a child. You are an adult now and will have a different outlook.
When so many people have their moms around you will probably feel unhappy that you lost your mom. When someone is going through unhappiness in life and feels the only way out is to end their life. They are trying to end their misery. They don't have the time or the mental capacity to think of who they are leaving behind. What the outcome will be? What will people think? etc. So try to understand that your mother would not have been in the state of mind to be able to survive what she was going through at the time. She couldn't see any way forward so ending her life was her way of ending her unhappiness and misery.
It is very hard losing a loved one from your life. But a Mom is your nurturer. you will will a loss somewhere in your life as a result. No doubt you had a relative to bring you up and give you the nurturing you needed but you will probably feel unfulfilled as a result. You should try counselling. This really helps and you would be able to move forward in life better with this support. You would also be able to resolve any issues that may still be around for you.

Mar 25, 2013
Losing my Mom
by: Doreen U.K.

Hillary I am so sorry for your loss of your mom to suicide at such a young age. You are now 19yrs of age and due to maturity now happening you will feel different at each stage of life. But you will never get over the loss of your mom especially to this type of sudden death. There are so many unexplained answers you need and if someone can fill in the gaps for you this may make you feel more at peace. But you will have these scars forever. At such a young age you would have been traumatised. Who took care of you? You were of an age to know and understand what was happening. But too young to know all the details and the Adult responses because you were a child. You are an adult now and will have a different outlook.
When so many people have their moms around you will probably feel unhappy that you lost your mom. When someone is going through unhappiness in life and feels the only way out is to end their life. They are trying to end their misery. They don't have the time or the mental capacity to think of who they are leaving behind. What the outcome will be? What will people think? etc. So try to understand that your mother would not have been in the state of mind to be able to survive what she was going through at the time. She couldn't see any way forward so ending her life was her way of ending her unhappiness and misery.
It is very hard losing a loved one from your life. But a Mom is your nurturer. you will will a loss somewhere in your life as a result. No doubt you had a relative to bring you up and give you the nurturing you needed but you will probably feel unfulfilled as a result. You should try counselling. This really helps and you would be able to move forward in life better with this support. You would also be able to resolve any issues that may still be around for you.

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