Losing my mother
I've spent my life around my mother, i lived with her up in tell i was about 21 years old. I spent a lot of my life working in the same restaurants she worked at. I'm not working in the restaurant doing the same Managing position she did years ago. I've learned everything from her. When I was 19 she had her first heart attack, which brought on an anxiety disorder in myself that had developed. It was one of the most terrifying experience in my life and lasted consistent for about 4 or more months. I was on different medications to try and control this issue, But after all of this My mother was the one who ( her self had the same disorder) taught me to cope, and taught me to eliminate the symptoms before they started to control me. My mom and I had a extremely close relationship.I spent a lot of my life taking care of her as well as her taking care of me. She helped me raise my first born son I had at just 17. If it was not for her im not sure he would of been here now. My mom had Heart disease, Diabetes, COPD. She was sick, but I never really put it into perspective of how sick she really was. Just last year she was considered disable and started receiving disability. I thought this really was not a bad thing considering she had trouble with her heart when she overexerted herself. She spent the last year of her life watching over my brother and sisters kids as well as my own. She loved being with them. Even with all the health troubles she has, we had no idea she would be leaving us as early as she did. I went to most doctors appointments with her, all the while no one told me anything like this would be happening anytime soon. She would not stop smoking, or even eat as healthy as she should of been, she always said Im not going to give up the things I enjoy. She had said she thought she would never live past 50, her mother died at 52 on September 3rd ( my sons birthday) of 1995. My mother passed away very unexpectedly on January 3rd 2014 at the age of 52, My mother would have been 53 on January 8th. I have had so much trouble this last month.. I was 25 when she passed and I just turned 26... I've never even been married. To think she wont be here for my special day as she was for my older siblings hurts. She was everything to me and still is. Its a feeling of emptiness and lonesomeness. I feel angry I was robbed of many more years with my mother. Its been one month of complete **ll in my life. I will never be the same.