Losing my mother

by Samantha
(Stonington Maine)

I've spent my life around my mother, i lived with her up in tell i was about 21 years old. I spent a lot of my life working in the same restaurants she worked at. I'm not working in the restaurant doing the same Managing position she did years ago. I've learned everything from her. When I was 19 she had her first heart attack, which brought on an anxiety disorder in myself that had developed. It was one of the most terrifying experience in my life and lasted consistent for about 4 or more months. I was on different medications to try and control this issue, But after all of this My mother was the one who ( her self had the same disorder) taught me to cope, and taught me to eliminate the symptoms before they started to control me. My mom and I had a extremely close relationship.I spent a lot of my life taking care of her as well as her taking care of me. She helped me raise my first born son I had at just 17. If it was not for her im not sure he would of been here now. My mom had Heart disease, Diabetes, COPD. She was sick, but I never really put it into perspective of how sick she really was. Just last year she was considered disable and started receiving disability. I thought this really was not a bad thing considering she had trouble with her heart when she overexerted herself. She spent the last year of her life watching over my brother and sisters kids as well as my own. She loved being with them. Even with all the health troubles she has, we had no idea she would be leaving us as early as she did. I went to most doctors appointments with her, all the while no one told me anything like this would be happening anytime soon. She would not stop smoking, or even eat as healthy as she should of been, she always said Im not going to give up the things I enjoy. She had said she thought she would never live past 50, her mother died at 52 on September 3rd ( my sons birthday) of 1995. My mother passed away very unexpectedly on January 3rd 2014 at the age of 52, My mother would have been 53 on January 8th. I have had so much trouble this last month.. I was 25 when she passed and I just turned 26... I've never even been married. To think she wont be here for my special day as she was for my older siblings hurts. She was everything to me and still is. Its a feeling of emptiness and lonesomeness. I feel angry I was robbed of many more years with my mother. Its been one month of complete **ll in my life. I will never be the same.

Comments for Losing my mother

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Feb 07, 2014
Feeling the same way
by: Doreen UK

Dear Anonymous, I am sorry for your loss and the lack of support from your family.
Often our greatest support can come from outside of our close knit family. Everyone in your family is feeling the loss and handle their grief in different ways. They may seem to be coping outwardly but you don't see deeply what they may be going through so they won't be able to give you the support you need because you are all so emotionally close and it would be difficult for anyone in your family to be IMPARTIAL.
Grief can create suspicion and anger. If you see a grief counsellor they will be impartial and the support you receive will make you feel better and think differently. You may even become closer to your family as you release a lot of your feelings of being misunderstood. Your whole world could change if you get the right support. You will then go on to become that good support to other's. It wasn't till I went into counselling that I was able to become the person I was meant to be and able to help other's in crisis, even within my own family. I related differently which benefited all who I came into contact with. I became healed through other's and it had a knock on effect that was positive and healing. I wish you all the best in life and recovery from grief.

Feb 06, 2014
Feeling the same way
by: Anonymous

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I lost my mother Jan 9 2014 and have not been doing well at all. I feel such an emptiness inside and feel like. No one understands not even my father or 3 brothers or sister. I am taking it the worst and have not found a way to deal with the grief. Looking at others posts makes me feel not so alone so thank you for sharing

Feb 05, 2014
Dear Samantha,
by: Anonymous

I am sorry for the loss of your mother. I lost my father in January 2013, and the void in my life is huge. I think about him every single day, and sometimes my grief is so overwhelming, I can hardly get out of bed. But somehow, we manage to go on-we have no choice, and our loved ones would want us to live a happy life. Your mother's love, wisdom and kindness will give you strength through these dark days-her spirit is with you and your beautiful son. I wish you peace in the days ahead, Barb

Feb 03, 2014
you will feel better, it takes time and resolve
by: Anonymous

As time passes you will heal and learn to live with your mothers memories.

We can't live in our past. You have a child be happy as your child grows and make a loving healthy home for you and your child. Think about the mistakes your mother made with her health and make yours better.

Feb 03, 2014
losing my mother
by: Doreen UK

Samantha I am sorry for your loss of your mother at such a young age.
One just never knows when they will die and no use wasting time thinking of when we are going to die as it would rob us of quality of life with our loved one's. Usually when we get older we start thinking of planning for our funeral so our children don't have to have the burden of this cost. If we look at life sensibly and positively it is wise to plan for when we die because of the expense and not leaving this for family.
I lost my husband of 44yrs. to lung cancer 20 months ago. He smoked for 28yrs. and gave up 16yrs. before he died. He was told by his oncologist that smoking didn't cause his lung cancer it was working with asbestos and it takes 40-60yrs. to develop. He was spot on for 40yrs.
I can understand your mother not wanting to give up any pleasure in her life, that she enjoyed. I always say "I am going to die happy". But since my husband died I have reformed and now into nutrition and discovering green smoothies to start my day. I don't deprive myself, but more sensible now. I have also paid for my grave and leaving money for my daughter to bury me when the time comes. I purchased a grave plot for 2 so will be buried in the same plot as my beloved husband. Grief is long, hard and very painful. I Take one day at a time and this helps me daily with grief. Grief affects us in so many ways. My husband will never see his grandchildren grow up. He won't see what I do in life and the changes I have made. He won't grow old with me and enjoy retirement. The heart aches for a long time. 2 married children my husband did see, but the youngest he will miss out on this. It is a hard grief to bear. I wish you Peace and comfort in your grief and loss of your mother.

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