Losing my Mum

by Taylor
(Australia)

My Mum - Terri Ann Quayle

My Mum - Terri Ann Quayle

I lost my Mum suddenly on 17th April 2008. I was only 16. It's a struggle everyday for me to keep my head up. I can't remember what it is like to have a Mum. I don't know if other people have experienced it, but sometimes I think of her and think "Why am I so sad, I don't even know who you are". I don't actually think it in those words, but that is the feeling that I get. I feel like the time up until she died was a completely different life, and that I have started a new life since she passed. Everything is still surreal.
I can't remember her voice anymore. She is just a distant memory to me now. I hate it. I don't think about her for very long anymore, because it hurts too much. But then 3 years is not a long enough time to not think about her loads of times a day. I know she understands it's just to shield myself from the pain.
I just want my Mum back. I daydream that she is going to turn up and that all of this was a sick joke. Or that I'll wake up and this was a dream. How could this happen to me? I never thought that at 16 I wouldn't have my mummy anymore. She wasn't there when I moved out and got my own place. She won't be there when I have children and get married. I don't have her here when I really need her. If someone else I love dies, who will I turn to? She would have been the one I would go to to make me feel better. My little brother was only 7 years old when she died. It's not fair that he only got 7 years with her. I got 16, and I still feel ripped off. I don't know why I was put on this earth to have her torn away from me so soon. To have to go through this agony, and live the rest of my life without her. She was only 47 when she died. I might live for longer than my own mother. I will never know her as an adult.
I hate how people tell me that she happy where she is, or that her time was up. How could she be happy when she is away from her family?! She will never feel the sunlight on her face, or hear her favourite music again. She will never hold her grandchildren, or her children again. Life is just too unfair.

Comments for Losing my Mum

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Jun 10, 2011
my husband knows about it
by: Anonymous

Hang in there. My husband lost his mom suddenly at age 13. He and his 3 siblings had to learn quickly how to fend on their own as their dad did not know how to do much 'women's work' like cook. He was 23 when I met him and still cried for his mother. He got through the tough teenage years and is a fine man now, tender, loving and emotional. The fact that you are on this website tells me you are coping. Its hard to be patient with grief. I am coping with the loss of my mother at age 71. I wish you well in your journey of pain and healing.

Jun 02, 2011
Your Mum is With You
by: TrishJ

Taylor~
Of course you want your mum back. A mother's love is one of life's most precious treasures. I lost my brother many years ago and sometimes I have a hard time remembering what he looked like. I've completely forgotten the sound of his voice. I just lost my husband 6 months ago. I still have his voice on his cell phone recording. I play it once in a while and cry for 2 hours afterward.
Keep a special picture of your mum where you can see it. She will forever be watching over you. When you have children of your own you can tell them wonderful stories of things you shared together. Don't let her memory die. She's the only mum you'll ever had. Trust me when I say you will see her again some day. She is with you ~ watching and listening to you every day. She knows how much you are suffering. She would want you to be happy. Make her proud. She can look down from heaven and say, "That's my daughter. Isn't she something?" Hugs and blessings to you.

Jun 02, 2011
Sad for you.
by: Tony

You have my deepest sympathy in the loss of your Mom. Maybe bereavement counselling would help? Your Mom loved you, never let anyone take your grief away, embrace the love and memories she did leave. Take each day and each hour at your pace and breath and remember your Mom is there, she is not seen, but she is living in your heart, hugs!!

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