Losing My Other Half

by Kayla
(NH)

Josh is the love of my life, and my other half. We dated all throughout high school and were high school sweethearts. We stayed together while we went to college and were living in different states. Our plans were to get married once I finish school, since I am a year younger.

Summer 2010 was the first summer we had ever been apart since we began dating. Josh was scheduled to leave for basic training at the end of August, so he was not able to come home for the summer.

On August 10, 2010, Josh was reported missing. I had been the last person to have contact with him on August 5, 2010. For 10 agonizing days, we waited for Josh to call someone just to let us know he was ok. People began speculating that he was scared to go into the military and that’s why he was missing, but I knew that wasn’t true because he was so excited to join the military, and proud to serve his country.

I was nervous, scared, and sad that I couldn’t physically help look for Josh since I was in a different state. On August 20, 2010 Josh was found. He had been involved in a single -car fatal accident. His car had gone down an embankment that was not easily visible from the street, which was why it took so long to find him. Finding him brought closure to one type of pain, the pain of not knowing where he was, but it opened up a whole new kind of hurt. The pain of losing the one person you love the most.

The grieving process has been a difficult one for me. Every morning when I wake up, I hope to finally awake from this nightmare I’m living. I was highly encouraged to return to school after this happened by people telling me that it would be good for me. It was something that I didn’t want to do. I wanted to stay home and be close to my family and the half of Josh’s family that lives near me. I go to school 8 hours away from home so going home often is not an option.

I feel like being at school doesn't give me the opportunity to grieve. I don’t want my parents to worry about me being upset at school, and I don’t want to make my friends uncomfortable because I’m upset. I feel so sad and lonely without him. I miss Josh more and more everyday. He is my best friend and my soul mate. I love him more than anything.

Comments for Losing My Other Half

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Dec 05, 2010
losing my other half
by: Jules

Kayla you are so young to be going through this - not that age makes a difference - losing the love of your life at any age is the worst thing that can happen.

You sound like you are grieving in your way - which is the right way - no two people are the same in the way they react, and what feels right to you is right for you. Don't listen to people who say "move on" - instead try to carry on with your life as you feel you should. If you feel like staying in bed and crying - do it!

You will know when it is right for you to get back to some sort of normalcy - whether back at school, or something completely different - defer your schooling for now - don't put any time limits on yourself, because you will be on a roller coaster for quite some time to come, keep writing on this site - you will find a lot of comfort and support here - at any time of the day or night.
Take care
jules

Dec 05, 2010
Loss
by: Zoe

Unfortunately you will find others, even the well meaning, try to tell you how to handle your grief. It doesn't work
No one can tell you how to deal with your grief but you
Personally, work did help me after John died
Being forced to engage my brain gave me some
Distraction
But I couldn't cook myself dinner

Everything that you defined as normal is gone
Now you must adjust to a life you did not choose

All I can tell you is you hang on to this
One breath one step one day at a time

Come back and write we will hear you
We do not shy from your pain
We understand

Zoe

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