Loss my brother
today like all days feels so weird. It's been 38 years since his death and I am hear to tell you, time doesn't heal wounds.My brother was my father,my best friend,my everything.One moment I am in the cafeteria freshman year at college with my roomate, when i get this over powering feeling to go home. My roomate followed me and took the 8 hour bus ride back home with me. I called my family at the bus station when I arrived.The first thing I asked was where is my brother? My mother response was" he's in the hospital".That was on a friday,by Sunday he had passed. I chose not to go to the hospital that day.....i had a premonition the night before and sat outside the hospital all night. I new my life would change from that moment..not in a good way. There were years of blaming myself for not being there. Years of pure anger and rage of"why me" ,years of swearing family and people were looking at me , but seeing my brother. When taking pictures it seemed like a ghost was missing without my brother in the picture.His death was sudden, he wasn't sick or anything, I think I developed PTSD. Our whole family and extended family was distraught and we have never recovered . Holidays aren't the same, birthdays are hard.No one got counseling and I just continued to put on a good face. What do I say when someone asks me "how is your brother".I recreate that summer over and over only with me being there to prevent my brother from dying.I was 16 when he passed. I am 55 now and the hurt feels like yesterday.I can honestly say it destroyed my family.