Loss of a Husband and Father
It was August 27, 2011 my husband and I had planned a motorcycle ride with some friends.We enjoyed a beautiful ride that afternoon had dinner and was heading back home. I remember sitting at the intersection waiting for our light to turn green and from that point on the only thing I remember is waking up lying on the pavement. My best friend ran over to me and I remember asking her what happened and she replied that someone ran a red light and hit our motorcycle. I preceded to ask about my husband and was told he was breathing. As I was lying there it all seemed like a dream but I felt that he would be okay since I was okay. We both were flown to trauma hospital. I suffered pelvic fracture, back fracture and broken arm. I didnt know my husbands condition at the time but I felt like that if I made so would he but a few hours later they came in to tell me that he died. Those were words I never thought I would ever hear. The day he died part of me died too. I prayed for God to take me too. He was the love of my life and my best friend. We had been married for 17yrs and together for 19 yrs. He was only 38 yrs old and we had a 5 yr old son. It has been five weeks since the accident and Im currently living with my mom who is having to care for me and my son. I miss him so much and its hard for me to imagine living my life without him. The pain is so unbearable at times that I find it hard to breath and when I think about not having him in my life anymore I get sick to my stomach. I have so much anger toward God for taking him from me. He was such as good person, husband and father. I feel as if Ive been cheated. Why him? there are so many other evil human beings that could have been taken, why him? My son and I needed him here with us. It breaks my heart to know that he was never see his only son grow up. I pray for God to help with the pain or to just take me too. I know my son needs me but the pain is so unbearable. I miss him so much. Ive lost my life and I feel as if I have no purpose on this earth. I feel guilty for living. Its so hard for me to accept that he is gone, I keep thinking he is gonna walk through those doors and take me home to care for me. I loved him with all my heart, my heart is broken into a million pieces. I find that I blame myself for what happened. I keep reliving that day in my mind a thousand times about what I could have done that day to prevent it from happening, even though I know it will no change anything. Im not sure how Im gonna get through this and raise our son. Im so scared to live life without him, I depended on him for everything. I cant imagine the holidays without him. Who am I gonna confide in and discuss my dreams with. Nothing will ever be the same. Why would God have me to suffer this way, I thought he was a loving God but how could he take such a good person. Im so lost without him. Each day gets worse and worse. I cant eat or sleep. Ive cried a thousand tears. I miss him so much. He was the love of my life.