Loss of a Husband and Father

by Jenna

It was August 27, 2011 my husband and I had planned a motorcycle ride with some friends.We enjoyed a beautiful ride that afternoon had dinner and was heading back home. I remember sitting at the intersection waiting for our light to turn green and from that point on the only thing I remember is waking up lying on the pavement. My best friend ran over to me and I remember asking her what happened and she replied that someone ran a red light and hit our motorcycle. I preceded to ask about my husband and was told he was breathing. As I was lying there it all seemed like a dream but I felt that he would be okay since I was okay. We both were flown to trauma hospital. I suffered pelvic fracture, back fracture and broken arm. I didnt know my husbands condition at the time but I felt like that if I made so would he but a few hours later they came in to tell me that he died. Those were words I never thought I would ever hear. The day he died part of me died too. I prayed for God to take me too. He was the love of my life and my best friend. We had been married for 17yrs and together for 19 yrs. He was only 38 yrs old and we had a 5 yr old son. It has been five weeks since the accident and Im currently living with my mom who is having to care for me and my son. I miss him so much and its hard for me to imagine living my life without him. The pain is so unbearable at times that I find it hard to breath and when I think about not having him in my life anymore I get sick to my stomach. I have so much anger toward God for taking him from me. He was such as good person, husband and father. I feel as if Ive been cheated. Why him? there are so many other evil human beings that could have been taken, why him? My son and I needed him here with us. It breaks my heart to know that he was never see his only son grow up. I pray for God to help with the pain or to just take me too. I know my son needs me but the pain is so unbearable. I miss him so much. Ive lost my life and I feel as if I have no purpose on this earth. I feel guilty for living. Its so hard for me to accept that he is gone, I keep thinking he is gonna walk through those doors and take me home to care for me. I loved him with all my heart, my heart is broken into a million pieces. I find that I blame myself for what happened. I keep reliving that day in my mind a thousand times about what I could have done that day to prevent it from happening, even though I know it will no change anything. Im not sure how Im gonna get through this and raise our son. Im so scared to live life without him, I depended on him for everything. I cant imagine the holidays without him. Who am I gonna confide in and discuss my dreams with. Nothing will ever be the same. Why would God have me to suffer this way, I thought he was a loving God but how could he take such a good person. Im so lost without him. Each day gets worse and worse. I cant eat or sleep. Ive cried a thousand tears. I miss him so much. He was the love of my life.

Comments for Loss of a Husband and Father

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Jun 03, 2014
Loss of husband and father
by: SCoombs

I just found this site and read all the comments hoping to find the answer to how and cope with losing my husband on May14th from a massive heart attack.
He was the sweetest person and would do anything for anyone. I'm so afraid that he really didn't know how much I truly loved him and everything happened so fast that I never got the chance to tell him. He said he was having a funny feeling in his chest and I called 911. The EMT's came and they were talking and my husband was even joking.
The next thing I knew he was collapsing and they began CPR while my son and I went to another room.
I just thought he would be ok and they would take him to the hospital. They said they did everything they could but he didn't make it. I couldn't believe it and I still can't imagine never seeing or talking to him again. This is unbearable and I don't know how this will ever be any easier. I just want him to know that I really miss him and really love him with all my heart.

Oct 04, 2011
by: Anonymous

i m so sorry for ur loss , i know the words cant help but knowing there are people out there who care may give u some comfort , i lost my mum in june so i can understand some of ur loss god bless keep ur chin up , and live ur life for ur son he will keep u going xxx

Oct 04, 2011
Sorry for your loss
by: Pam (MN)

I am sorry for your loss and wish I could say that things will get better soon. 9/28/11 just marked the 9 month anniversary for me losing my husband leaving behind 3 children. I felt very numb in the beginning and now I feel like I can't do this anymore or don't want to. I think these are normal feelings. One thing that I do try to remember each and every day is that no matter how unfair our lives may be, we do have the best things in life and that is our children or child in your case. They need us! I have a 6 year old, 5 at the time of his dads death and everyone told me that he does not understand what is going on. They do...he is the one that asks me all the time with tears in his eyes wanting to know if I die too, who will take care of him. Just know that as the months go on, you will have a few good days in there and then "boom" out of nowhere the tears will flow again. I think this is normal as well. I know we will get through this and I am happy for you that you have your mom to help you, all of my family lives far. Take care of yourself and I will look for future posts from you hoping that your future looks brighter. We are not alone in this journey God has given us.

Oct 03, 2011
Loss of a Husband and Father
by: Lisa

Jenna....I'm so sorry for your loss! My dear husband passed away on August 27th this year also! He was 32 years older than me...he had prostate cancer. I know exactly what you mean about not being able to breathe sometimes and being scared to live without him! I'm almost 50 and unemployed...had to quit my job in May to take care of my husband and I don't regret one single second! He was the love of my life and I miss everything about him! I understand how you would be angry at God for taking your dear husband from you and your little boy but I pray for God's peace in your heart!

Oct 03, 2011
Loss of Husband & Father
by: Anonymous

I totally understand how you feel!! I was not with my husband when he died in a recent motorcycle accident but he was a very loving and vibrant father and husband. He left behind myself and two beautiful daughters aged 11 and 14.
His accident was in May and I constantly get that panicky feeling and the feeling that this is not real. I have also questioned, like you, why this should happen to such an amazing person when I need him so much here with me and his girls. I don't have an answer. I think this is something we will just have to accept or adjust to over time.
My daughters are what are keeping me going and are what I have a purpose to get up for in the mornings. If they weren't here I think I would still be in bed with the covers over my head.
I don't know where the strength comes from and sometimes it feels more overwhelming that I think I can bear but we have to be strong for our children.
I think that I am trying to let you know that you are not alone and that we just have to keep going day by day. I don't think it will ever make sense but you need to keep going for your children. That is what your husband would want!

Oct 03, 2011
Loss of husband and father
by: Pat J

Dear Jenna,
I know exactly how you feel. All of us at this site have our own story of grief.
I feel exactly how you feel, only my spouse of 46 years died of a massive heart attack. He was sitting up on the side of our bed. He asked me for something to drink, took two sips, put his head down and he was gone. I did not realize it at the time, because he never uttered a word. I was standing right beside him. I feel a part of me died with him. He had been in my life since I was 15, got married when I was 18, now am a widow at 64. We have 5 grown children and 10 grandchildren, yet I feel so alone.
I am just taking it one day at a time. My children keep telling me they want me to be happy again; that their dad would want me happy. They lost their dad, but they have no clue as to how it feels to lose part of your own life. I realize I have to go on living, but I do not like this life without my husband. We were always together and did everything together.
Your little boy needs you. You need him also. Cherish the life God gave you and that precious little boy is the greatest gift from God. I also asked why God took my husband, but my faith tells me there is a reason for all things that happen. We don't always like the way things go in this life.
I can tell you that myself. My life was not a bed of roses, marriages are not made in heaven. Marriage is what we make of them. It sounds like you had a wonderful husband and father. Cherish the memories. I talk to my husband all the time. I miss his voice, his smile, his hugs and kisses. He kept telling me what a good wife I was and how strong I am. I don't feel strong right now, yet our children tell me I am strong.
Our 46th wedding anniversary was June 26th and my husband died at 12:10 a.m. on the 27th of June. Thirty five years ago, on June 25th, the day before my 11th wedding anniversary, my Mom died. She battled breast cancer for 11 years. I miss her still, but my life did go on.
I miss my husband so very much, but I do realize, my life goes on. I am just hoping, that as my faith teaches me, one day I will be re-un ited with my husband and will once again be with my parents also. Life itself is such a miracle, there has to be a life beyond this one, so much better.
I so feel your loss, we all do on this site. When I can't sleep at night I often come to this site and read the other comments. I shed tears for myself and all the others who have lost loved ones. Our loved ones are at peace. The tears we shed are for ourselves and all the things we will miss sharing with our loved ones.
I keep taking it one day at a time, sometimes telling myself, I am faking it until I can make it.
God bless you and your son. You both are in my prayers.

Oct 03, 2011
Your loss
by: Anonymous

I read your story and my prayers and thoughts go out to you for your loss, for your healing to go forward in life. Your husband would want you to carry on for yourself and your son--you will find happiness again in time and one day you will smile at all the memories you have and pass them on to your son as he will want to know everything about his dad as he gets older. You got to have something many never do and I hope that brings you comfort.

Oct 03, 2011
Loss of your husband
by: M Mack


I am truly sorry for your loss. I know that pain you are in, still numb, raw and don't understand why our God would allow this to happen. No matter how hard you look, trying to find answers, there is none. Gods plans for us have not been told, and we are left to accept and go on. Grief is the worst you will ever experience in life. You are the survivor, and you will learn to get through it no matter what life throws at you.

Take your time, get well,and come to this site as often as you need. Let your tears flow freely, the memories surface, keep him in your heart and trust that God will not leave you either. There are so many great people here,survivors who feel your pain. You are never alone and writing helps take the pressure off the pain of grief. Remember to take one breath, one step, one day at a time. It's the only way to go through the stages of grief. Sending light and prayers as you travel this path.

Oct 03, 2011
But Not A Loss Of A Mother
by: TrishJ

I can't even pretend to know what you are going through. Life seems so unfair. I would be asking, "Why me?", if I were in your situation. You certainly have a right to feel that way. I think we are all angry at God when we lose the love of our lives. We have all gone through that overwhelming, "What am I going to do?"
I would say for now you do nothing. You are in the early stages of grief and your body is still healing. Be thankful that your mother is with you to lend a hand. I'm sure she is grieving too. She is grieving for the beautiful life her daughter and grandson had. She is probably as frightened as you are.
The heartache is more than we can bear most days. I have had to learn to take things one day at a time. I used to sit and think about spending the rest of my life without my husband and would go into full blown panic attacks.
One thing that helps for sure is coming to this site and expressing your feelings. Don't keep your feelings locked inside. Everyone on this site is grieving. We all know only too well that hollow feeling - the broken heart - the void where our loves used to be.
Take care of yourself, physically and emotionally. Your husband would want you to be strong for your precious son. Although you can't understand it right now, there is a reason that your life was spared and your son wasn't left an orphan. You are still in his life and he needs you.
And remember, nobody knows what you are going through but someone who has gone through the same thing. Don't be afraid to reach out for help, look for support groups preferably with other younger widows. Someone who knows exactly what you are going through will be your biggest help.
Take care and God bless.

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