Loss of a spouse

(Little Rock, AR)

I lost my husband on April 2, 2010, after a long illness where I was his caregiver. I had promised him that I would care for him at home, as long as I was physically able. His greatest fear was having to go to a nursing home. We were married 39 years.

I was so tired myself from caring for him and we had prayed for an easy passing. He had congestive heart failure and I didn’t want him dying gasping for breath. God was good and we had a very understanding doctor who kept him comfortable.

For the first month I was relived he was not suffering any longer and thought I had a good handle on things about his death. I did go through a period of thinking maybe I gave him up too easily and we should have tried one more drug. However, a friend gave me some Godly counsel about that which helped.

I have been recovering from years of stress and lack of rest of taking care of him. I am starting to feel better now and I’m feeling so lost without him. I miss him so much, that has taken me by surprise. I thought accepting the fact that he was suffering and is now with God would keep me from missing him. It has not and I am going through a crying phase right now, feeling the loss of his presence even though he was so sick.

I do have a wonderful support of family in my life with children, grandchildren, and extended family and friends. However, nothing takes the place of him in my life. I don’t want to spend any time with friends right now because of my crying. People don’t know how to handle that for the most part.

I know that grieving is a process that I have to go through so I am trying to learn how to travel through that process. I’m hoping this web site will give me insight and help.

Comments for Loss of a spouse

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Jul 03, 2010
Missing my man too
by: Hope

Boy I can truly say I have walked in your moccasins. As my husbands caregiver for a year following surgery for an aneurysm and following stroke and the effects thereafter, I know how you feel. I would gladly take the old Paul or the new Paul just one more day. I did not realize or rather did not take the time to realize what a toll the stress takes on you being a caregiver, and I would be willing to bet that like me there is much guilt and relief from the lack of worry and paranoia that comes with it. Wishing you some relief from grief. And with it the ability to grow stronger with each passing day...HH

Jun 29, 2010
Loss of Child
by: Brenda

I am so sorry for your loss. I know the pain you are going through. I lost my youngest child and only son on May 21, 2010. They say that time will help heal but my clock has stopped ticking. I am stuck in this dark place with my pain and sorrow. My greatest comfort now is my husband and I do not know if I could live without him. I am disabled and he does most of the major work around the house as well as care for me when the need arises. I love him and I know that I would be in the same place you are in if anything happened to him. I pray that with time you and I both will be able to live with our loss and return to a normal life.

Jun 29, 2010
Loss of a spouse
by: Mari

I know it has been a difficult time for you and my prayers are with you. I feel that it is natural that you still miss him. I miss my husband every minute of the day.
At some point there will be healing although you may always miss him. Just stay close to the Lord and people who care.

You invested much of your time and energy into caring for him and it is rather a shock when you are no longer doing that. I did the same thing and it was a strange feeling when I no longer had to do it. I have coped by working and family. God has helped me.

Please keep posting as this is a wonderful board with caring people. Take care of yourself too. God bless you.

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