Loss of a spouse
(Little Rock, AR)
I lost my husband on April 2, 2010, after a long illness where I was his caregiver. I had promised him that I would care for him at home, as long as I was physically able. His greatest fear was having to go to a nursing home. We were married 39 years.
I was so tired myself from caring for him and we had prayed for an easy passing. He had congestive heart failure and I didn’t want him dying gasping for breath. God was good and we had a very understanding doctor who kept him comfortable.
For the first month I was relived he was not suffering any longer and thought I had a good handle on things about his death. I did go through a period of thinking maybe I gave him up too easily and we should have tried one more drug. However, a friend gave me some Godly counsel about that which helped.
I have been recovering from years of stress and lack of rest of taking care of him. I am starting to feel better now and I’m feeling so lost without him. I miss him so much, that has taken me by surprise. I thought accepting the fact that he was suffering and is now with God would keep me from missing him. It has not and I am going through a crying phase right now, feeling the loss of his presence even though he was so sick.
I do have a wonderful support of family in my life with children, grandchildren, and extended family and friends. However, nothing takes the place of him in my life. I don’t want to spend any time with friends right now because of my crying. People don’t know how to handle that for the most part.
I know that grieving is a process that I have to go through so I am trying to learn how to travel through that process. I’m hoping this web site will give me insight and help.