Loss of a true friend too soon
My lovely friend passed away on the 8th July 2011, believing she had food poisoning one day and the doctor been called two days later, meant she was taken to intensive care with pancreatitis.
I managed to go and see her a few days later and speak to her and tell her how much she meant to me, she was so scared as she'd never been so ill.
A couple of days later she deteriorated and was ventilated, so no more verbal communication.
After having surgery to see what damage had been done, and suffering kidney and liver failure, the decision was made to turn off the machine.
I thank her so much and feel so privileged that she allowed me to be there at the time of her passing. I held her hand and stroked her hair and told her how much she meant to me and then she was gone - just like that.
She sadly never got to say goodbye to her two children, and that hurts me so much, so I'm treasuring everyday with my children because I'm so scared of losing anyone now, especially as I've seen first hand how suddenly it can happen.
I miss her terribly, I understand that shes gone, but I'm hurting so much and I actually feel like I dont have a right to grieve like this as I was only her friend and her family have lost so much more.
I've suffered postnatal depression in the past and my anxiety attacks have returned, causing me so much negativity and sickness and everything else that goes with my attacks, I'm drained and tired and just want it all to go away.
I'm back on medication to help me get through this tough time however long that may be :(
I miss you amanda, always your friend, Deanne xxxxx