Loss of an ex-husband

by Debbie Thompson
(Lincoln, IL)

My 1st Love

My 1st Love

My first husband and I divorced back in 1990. The grounds was domestic abuse. On October 31,2009 our 2nd son had a gorgeous baby girl and I wrote to my ex and his new wife sending a picture of his granddaughter and giving him updates on our sons since he hadn't seen them in years. By this time I had given my life to Christ and had gotten to the point of forgiving him for all the abuse. I told him this in that letter I wrote to him also giving him contact information on his son a new daddy.
Then on April 3rd of this year our 2nd son and I learned Jim had been in a coma for 8 days prior and on machines suffered a stroke and the plug was going to be pulled. His wife wanted us up there including me as Jim spoke so highly of me. I went up there and spent the last day alive with him and I never ever thought I still carried feelings for this man. His physical appearance changed over the years but the feel of his skin did not. I asked the boys to spend time alone with their dad before his other wife got there. That was requested. I spoke of our now 2 yr old granddaughter and showed him a picture that Chris put on his wall in the room at ICU. I put his hand in mine and as I began to talk about loving him still and again forgiving him and thanking him for the 2 sons I don't believe it was reflexes. I know he heard me because I could see him smiling the best he could with that tube in his mouth. His eyes opened some and he squeezed my hand. All this occured April 5th,2012. Then at 5:15pm the plug was pulled and we all gathered in his room. I would say 25-30 family members, his wife and I holding his hand everyone telling good-bye and how we would see him again and how we love him. A couple of us said prayers out loud; his mother in law and myself and at 5:30pm Jim was gone. I gave him a kiss good-bye and had to leave the room. It was all I could do to get through his funeral and then go back to the trailer where he lived. His family considers me his ex-wife part of their family. Chris went to get some of his dads things when he went to the grave alone and he still has to get more things. But he came home with some pictures and Jim kept our wedding picture. I have been dealing or I should say not dealing with guilt because I have learned the real reason for his anger problems he had and the last words he ever said to me was he would work on that and he wanted to save the marriage.
I am so glad I found this website. I can surely relate being angry at God because Jim will never be able to tell Jocia grandpa loves her or play with her. But I am glad he gave his life to Christ 3 weeks before he passed at a young age of 54.

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