Loss of husband of 42 years, my true love and best friend
by Mary Loar
(Keizer, OR 97303)
Last March while my husband of almost 42 years was in hospice, I had emergency back surgery. He thought I had abandoned him and was divorcing him as I would go into the rest home about three times each day, then of course I could not be there. My friends and neighbors were wonderful (no family in area) and stayed with my husband while I was in hospital I got a two hour leave of absense to see him the day before he died. He was unconscious by the time I got there, but I think he knew I was there. He was a WWII vet and retired firefighter so we buried him with Fire Dept and Navy honors in Aug. At first I seemed OK. He had been sick for a long time as he lost his balance system to an antibiotic in 1998. The last, almost a year, has been terrible I have had so many medical problems (probably put on back burner with him sick -there was 13 years between us.) I take one day at a time and just enjoy my home and my two poodles. I do not like to be in company much as it hurts to see couples. I thought I was getting better but in the last week all I seem to have done is cry and it seems unbearable without him. I am fairly strong and I thought I would always be OK, but his death has been awful, and I wonder where I will go from here. I am going to see my family in UK in June for the first time in 11 years. Bob could not handle the trip, I feel so bad I was not wth him in those final days but I could not be there and my friends would tell him that. My daughter has been to visit two separate weeks which is good, but I know only I can start my life again. I understand exactly what you are all talking about. I had no idea and if I hear of someone locally who has lost a loving spouse, I will try to help. One will survive but I know it is going to be a long, lonely road ahead. Even being with a lot of family at Christmas did not help, and was hard. I try to put on a brave face but my heart is broken. I am glad I found this site.