loss of husband to depression

by michelle
(chicago)

My story is this--my husband of 17 years, father of my two sons ages 13 and 11, was stuck with severe suicidal depression and hospitalized on November 10 2012. Since then he has been out of the hospital, home, moved out for five weeks, home for a week and moved out again five days ago. I am just reeling. I am in such shock I can barely process all that has happened to our family in two short months. I work full time and now have to deal with everything he left behind when he fled-not once but twice. I miss the feel of him, the smell of him, making love with him, his arms around me, his smile at the end of the day, telling him about my day. He won't say he loves me or misses me, in fact is toying with divorce. What will I do without him? I don't want to live my life without him but it may not be my choice. The depression has robbed us of everything--me of my best friend and husband, my boys of their dad. How unfair is that? He's still here, but not really.
So how do I grieve for a person who is technically still alive but not really HERE? How do I grieve for the life we had that I loved? How do I brace myself for the reality that he may not want to stay married? What if he never gets better?
help please

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May 07, 2013
The Holy Spirit lives in us.
by: Anonymous

I'm with Doreen on this one. Depression is a desease that most doctor's want to fix with a pill, but I do know what it feels to be depress. I have been there once, and while my husband was ill with several illnesses, that finally ended in death, because he died of Leukemia. I don't want to bore you with details right now, but you need to focus on yourself, and especially your children, because of their ages. Have the doctor's informed you what is causing his suicidal depression, or do they just issue pills for this and that. My husband was a Rehab counselor for 40 years, and worked in the dark side, his specialty was gangsters, and GOD gave him a big task, and did it with so much grace. He dealt with all walk's of life, and always had time for everyone's pain, but his own. My husband is and was a legacy, but his work lives in all the life's his seeds were planted, of course like I said GOD gave him this task. I wish so much my husband was here physically, but spiritually he is with me everyday. I can only imagine and feel your pain. Get a hold of a good counselor, someone who really cares, and not want who is just out for the green $$. If my husband were here, he would have had some words of encouragement for you, and I know he would have touched you somehow. I just hope you get that help. My husband died 1yr. and 2 months this month, and to me feels like yesterday, but I am hanging in there, because of my babies. My dog/cat who give me unconditionally love, and I can not let GOD's creatures down. I struggle too. To be honest with you. I really haven't had time to grieve or mourn him, because I had to dive right into the things that were left un done, such as this vipers of mortgage people with unscrupulous ways. Anyway I just want to say I care, and send you the light energy of GOD. Please get some help, also for your sanity.

Jan 18, 2013
loss of husband to depression
by: Doreen U.K.

Michelle This is the worst place to be right now. Living in Hope but without real hope of things changing. A husband who is alive but ill to the point you have lost your life with him. The only suggestion I can make is to go and have some COUNSELLING. I think it is very necessary in your case to work out all your feelings you have expressed here and how desperate you have become to try and rescue a relationship that is slowly depriving you of your life and peace of mind. A counsellor would work well with you to establish what you may never have again and also to help you cope with the immediate present and help you with the transition to a future without the man in your life due to the depression. If this should happen.
I have not only had depression. I know how depression can affect a life and how difficult life can be living with the disease or the person with the disease. I then worked in mental health for 8 years. There is nothing worse than being in limbo and not knowing where you stand. It is also very difficult to live with such a disease that will affect your life in some way. This may also be an unhealthy environment for your son. There is a lot to process and you need the services of the professionals. This is not a problem you can work out on your own. Either way you will have to develop strength to move on with your life however it turns out. Divorce is very painful for everyone. So is living alone when the person you love is gone whether through health issues or death.

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