loss of husband to depression
My story is this--my husband of 17 years, father of my two sons ages 13 and 11, was stuck with severe suicidal depression and hospitalized on November 10 2012. Since then he has been out of the hospital, home, moved out for five weeks, home for a week and moved out again five days ago. I am just reeling. I am in such shock I can barely process all that has happened to our family in two short months. I work full time and now have to deal with everything he left behind when he fled-not once but twice. I miss the feel of him, the smell of him, making love with him, his arms around me, his smile at the end of the day, telling him about my day. He won't say he loves me or misses me, in fact is toying with divorce. What will I do without him? I don't want to live my life without him but it may not be my choice. The depression has robbed us of everything--me of my best friend and husband, my boys of their dad. How unfair is that? He's still here, but not really.
So how do I grieve for a person who is technically still alive but not really HERE? How do I grieve for the life we had that I loved? How do I brace myself for the reality that he may not want to stay married? What if he never gets better?