Loss Of Husband
On Nov 22 2009, my husband went to be with the Lord. He was 70 yrs old. He had stents put in his heart at a cardiac hospital and only lived a week after that. He died at home in his sleep.
I had gotton up early to get my coffee, as I always rose much earlier than him, and came back and could not wake him up. The police said it looked like he just went to sleep and died peacefully. To this day I cannot get over how young he looked when I found him. The lines in his face had smoothed out and he looked handsome. I did not want to believe he had passed, and called a neighbor to take his pulse and he tried and then called the police.
I have been surrounded by family and co-workers and church members and could not ask for more love and support then I have had.
My husband was not always easy to live with the last year of his life. He had pain all over and his blood sugar was very high and was on a lot of medication. I work and I took care of his needs and sometimes would get tired. One morning he ended up at the local hospital where I work, and someone said my husband was in ER, and I clocked out and went to be with him. He had had a heart attack and called the ambulance because of trouble breathing. They stabalized him and sent him off to the cardiac hospital to have the stents put in his heart.
He said to me, ''I am dying you know.'' I said, ''Sweetheart, you will die when God chooses to take you. There is an appointed time for each one of us. Do you believe in a God that can comfort you and take care of you?'' He said, ''Oh yes.'' This made me feel better and has helped me to this day.
Anyway, I went through the denial stage. I went to the store with my grandaughter and said, ''I will get the sherbet with the 3 flavors as Grandpa likes that.'' Then I caught myself.
I had bought him a chair from JCPenney and my mom said to cancel the order, but I went ahead and got it and it is referred to as ''Grandpas chair".
I miss him 24/7. I am active in my church and love my hospital job and and have faith in God. I am in a sort of depressed stage now that I truly realize he is gone. At one point I asked God to let me feel his kiss on my cheek again just for a moment.
He had plans for my 65th birthday on Nov 20th but was too sick and only lived 2 days after that. We had plans for New years eve and I actually asked my boss if I could just work that evening so I did.
I feel that he is safe with the Lord and in no pain but miss him so much. I realize that I will not always feel depressed, and I pray a lot. I allow myself to cry. I know I will heal. I have a job that allows me to give comfort to others and this helps.
I have a new grandson born Dec 30th so it has been a mixture of joy and sorrow.
It helps to be writing this. My grandchildren are a great comfort to me. I am learning to do the things my husband took care of. He always took care of everything and was a good provider.
As for our room, I gave all the furniture to my daughter and am redoing the room for me. There were too many memories there. I told my sons to take what they wanted of my husbands, as he loved them all very much.
I am beginning to start over but the process is gradual. I am thankful for the 17 years we had together and for the love and support of my family, pastor and co-workers. It is not easy but I feel that when you have Jesus, things are going to be alright. After all, He has taken care of me for 65 years. I believe I will always miss the love of my life.