Loss of husband

by MaryAnne
(California)

I am giving an update on how I am coping since the loss of my husband. It will be 4 months on March 22.

I miss him something terrible. I think about him all the time.

I pray a lot. One day while driving I was asking God to let me know how much my husband loved me. A feeling of love filled my being and I realized that I was feeling the love he had for me as well as my love for him.I said, "Thank you Lord".

I have made some changes here. I bought a little table with a lamp attached and placed it beside "grandpa's chair". I also made changes to our room and it looks pretty. The thought that came to me when I finished the room changes was, "My husband would like this room". He always made a fuss over my decorating and would grab me in a big hug and say,"Sweetheart, you did all that? That looks beautiful".

I had some rough moments doing the taxes by myself. I realized I was truly on my own now. It wasn't a good feeling. But I always ask God to help me get through these things and to help me do a good job like my husband always did. It is the same running the complex too. I tend to the needs of the people here promptly as he did. He always said that taking care of the needs of our tenants would encourage them to stay here a long time. I call the same people he did for any repairs needed. He was sure respected and well liked.

The grandchildren seem to be doing well and they talk about him a lot, remembering his kindness and generosity.

I am realizing that I will always miss him but I stay busy and it sure helps. I realize that I have to go on for whatever reason God wants and I realize the sad times are part of the healing process. I am thankful for the love we shared.

Comments for Loss of husband

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Feb 20, 2014
Grief forever
by: Kelly

I lost my husband to Colon cancer on 1/18/2012 and the pain is still as intense as it was two years ago. Even though I try to turn to God for strength it just seems that I have lost my connection to him and prayers don't seem to help. I try to stay busy but we always did everything together so whatever I do is a constant reminder of his absence. For the first year my friends were really supportive but after a year it was as if they felt like my grief should be over and have continued with there lives and marriages. When I do see them it's a reminder of how complete there lives are and how empty mine is. My daughter helps but does not live close. No one seems to understand how hard it is. I would rather be dead but I know that taking my life would selfish so I take it a day at a time and try to find little bits of happiness when I can. It has helped me to read other posts as I don't feel alone with my grief.

Jan 19, 2014
Miss you always
by: Anonymous

In June, my husband got sick and almost died when his large intestine died. After 6 mo in hospitals, he worked really hard in rehab to be able to come home (his heart's desire), he was discharged on a Friday but by Tues. night he was sick & developed uncontrolled pain. His small intestine had died due to loss of blood flow (same thing happened again) but this time they couldn't do anything. He officially died Wed morning. He and I are Christians. I'm glad he doesn't have pain anymore and is enjoying eternal life with his new body. He's been through gastric bypass resulting in malabsorption and extreme weight loss, both hips had been replaced and due to severe scoliosis he'd just recovered from total spine reconstruction surgery prior to the event in June. He worked so hard to recover each time to have a normal life with me. I grieve for the life we had and the life we wanted here. I miss him so much. He was always here for me, even in hospital with me visiting him or him calling me from the hospital. It was just the two of us. We had no kids. I miss his love, his guidance, his caring and worrying about me. I just miss him so much but no one seems to want to talk about him much. He's gone and they've all gone on with life but it's really lonely and quiet here without him. He was so talkative with a very strong presence. He was my world and I was his. He was always interested in everyone and everything, looking out for everyone and so kind. I miss him and always will. I feel very alone and his stuff is everywhere. Somehow I have to go on but there's a huge hole in my life and inside me. I work full time which helps fill my days but the rest of the time is hard.

Jan 06, 2014
46 yrs of love
by: Anonymous

On Nov 7, 2013 I lost my husband of 46 years in a two week roller coaster ride from diagnosis to death. The week before his diagnosis we did yard work, getting beds ready for the winter as always, his appetite began to lessen and after many attempts to see his dr., the nurse gave a phone diagnosis of dehydration. We began treatments as prescribed. On the third day went to after hours clinic when symptoms advanced despite our following protocol. He was immediately diagnosed as jaundice and we were sent to local ER and after a CT scan was told a tumor clot was blocking left portal vein to liver, liver had extensive damage, and spleen was swollen as toxins had no where to go. Sent to a nearby hospital, after CT scans, MRI, Biopsy was diagnosed with cancer that had metatisized from another organ (probably pancreas) . A diagnosis of days was given. He wanted to come home and there was no treatment plan available. We came home with hospice and we were able to keep him peaceful and nearly pain free for one week, a miracle we were very great full for. I was told he wouldn't know me in the end. Just prior to his death I told him how much I loved him and he said"I love you more" and then peacefully passed away.i am so great full for the small miracles. I too can't Imagine my life without him and await the answer to why I was left here alone. He was a father and hero to three children and never more than a phone call away to three grandchildren.
There are days when I function almost normally, Other days I can't pray another word or cry another tear. At those times I lift myself up to God and lay in His arms till he gives me the co fort and strength to go on. Our God is truly an Awesome God and He sends us what we need. You only have to ask. That is the secret. Ask. I will pray for all of you that God sends you his comfort and strength and ask that you do the same for me.

Dec 30, 2013
Loss at Christmas
by: Anonymous

My beloved husband died after fighting graft verses host disease after a bone marrow transplant. It was a brutal death. I found myself shocked that his organs began failing
and there was no chance of survival for him.
For months we fought this wicked disease together.

My grief for him feels like I have had open heart surgery without anesthesia. I wake in deep sorrow,
and weep most of the day. I feel so all alone in my sorrow. I go in and out of grief stages and wonder if I can survive life without him.
I curl up with his blanket from the volunteers.
I find things he had been doing the day before we left for the hospital and feel more pain. I wanted to crawl in to that box with him. I don't want to live without
him, but that is not a choice. I didn't realize how much I loved him until he died.I know I am not alone in grief,am I going crazy?


Dec 18, 2013
I miss him so much
by: Heidi

I know I won’t ever be able to recover from the loss of my soul mate and true love. He died 10 weeks ago and each day gets harder. No one understands the depth of the soul crushing pain I’m in unless they’ve gone thru it themselves. Everyone seems to think I should be getting better…stronger by now. They don’t realize that when you love someone more than anyone else in the world and that person loves you just as much back and more – and you spend every single day together for the last 15 years – how on earth can you possibly ‘get over’ missing him and move on? Why would I want to? I love him so much.

He was ill but he was taken so suddenly and unexpectedly that I wasn’t prepared. I know he was looking forward to so many things with me and his family. And then God took him away. I don’t know why and I don’t know why he had to suffer so much. He was such a good man. It’s just not fair.

I am so envious of others that have their significant others. I don’t even want to be around anyone. I have no joy. I used to be a happy and optimistic person. My heart is buried with him in his grave. This holiday season was supposed to be special for me and him. Now it’s just unbearable.

Oct 31, 2013
Trying to Live a Life Without Him
by: Phyllis

I've tried to stay positive and to think of my Bob as just being away. I have some wonderful videos of our vacations and some others with him and I interviewing each other and some with just him talking. They really help! Hearing his voice, imagining myself in his arms - helps me. I have pictures all over the house and enjoy looking at his smiling and wonderful face. There was a 20 year age difference and although he seemed to know he would die before me, I seemed unwilling to accept that. The constant optimist, that's me. There are so many things I would love to ask him, things I would like to talk to him about, and just to be with him for an hour would be the greatest gift ever. Until we are together again (and I really hope we will be, as we meet on the "other side" of this life), I will just continue staying busy, continue spending time with family and friends and trying to smile. I often wonder if I will ever REALLY be happy again. He's been gone just over a year and I will continue to celebrate and remember his birthday, our wedding anniversary (after all, we are still married), and the date of his death. Valentines' Day, Christmas and so many other holidays are so empty without him. It helps to keep a diary and put down my thoughts, to have close friends who don't tire of me talking about him, and to be there for other women who lose their husbands. Perhaps I can, in some small way, help them. It does help to reach out to others! And most of all - I try not to feel sorry for myself. That is sometimes hard! But Bob would be disappointed in me if I sat around moping and living in self pity. That keeps me going too.

Oct 14, 2013
Loss of husband
by: Kathy

I just lost my husband 41 days ago after 38 years of marriage. He was my best friend, my rock, my soul mate and I hardly know life without him. He was 58 years old, too young to pass. We still had things to do. Our daughters both had gotten married last year so no grandkids yet. I know the only way I have gotten through this time is through the grace of God. I look at it in this way, there are two paths, the path of the "Did haves" and the path of the "Did have nots". The "did not have" path is dark and that to me is where the misery and sadness lies. I choose to stay on the "did have" path where it is light and happy. Those are where all the memories are and I think about all the things that we did over the 38 years. I am not saying that sometimes I start to wander down the dark path but I quickly try to get off. Where does that path take me? No where but to the sadness. I know that my husband is resting in the arms of God with no more pain and sickness. I still miss him like crazy and always will. Everything reminds me of him because we did everything together but I will not allow myself to wallow in the darkness. Am I saying it is easy, no that is not what I am saying because I have tears but not as many as I thought I would. If I start to get sad, I get out of the house, go out to eat with a friend or one of my kids, neices, nephews, cousins, someone to help me get the sadness out of my mind and it does help. Each day is a process and I take it one step at a time. Prayer is a powerful thing and I challenge those who have lost someone,if you don't know God, find Him and get lost in His love.

Oct 07, 2013
I've lost my dear husband and my faith
by: bb

My husband battled advanced colon cancer. He tried every remote treatment, just trying to buy time. It's just too heartbreaking to write about, but there is a huge impasse for me. All of you talk about God helping you. God is the one who took him. If he's there, I curse him. How do all of you embrace the power that stole his life ? I don't get that. I don't get God. And I don't how you can love, pray to or believe in a loving God, when he is responsible for the suffering and death of your loved one ? I don't read anything about others who feel as I do. With no where to turn for comfort, or even meditate to ? I'm so full of despair, no hope, joy, energy or relief from my heartache.

Sep 15, 2013
3 weeks today
by: his kitten

I lost my husband and best friend. It was sudden after our camping all summer We had always wanted to travel. We were together for 37 years and I miss him so much. I have to move and have been blessed to find a house with my son and his new wife and child. I hurt so much, I miss everything his voice, his touch, his breathing. I'm trying to be practical and downsize, but all I want to do is cry and sleep. Reading your comments help I don't feel so alone. I'm glad to know I'm not the only who wants to die also. I will be strong for my kids who are wonderful. But thank you for letting me say how I really feel.

Aug 22, 2013
Loss of my second husband
by: Anonymous

Lost my first husband after 26 years of marriage 16 years ago. It was very difficult but I had friends and family to help and three wonderful children. I was very fortunate to meet my second husband three years later. We had so much in common it was unbelievable. Although I was not eager to marry because I did not know if I could ever go through the loss of another husband, I changed my mind and we married. I had 12 wonderful years with my second husband. He helped me through tough times at my employment and all three of my children's marriages and my five grandchildren. Such wonderful times. Then in August 2012 I lost him to a stroke. Just did not seem fair and I was hurt, angry and cried all the time. I could not believe I lost my soul mate. But here I am one year later and I am surviving the loss. It is not easy, but I have always been a determined person. I have so much love for both of my husbands, but after my retirement I spent 24/7 with my last husband. Really hard to fill the void. I stay as busy as I can being retired. I have learned to drive a tractor which is better than having to sell it. I have started to run some 5K marathons. Provides some social contact and stress reduction. I have good days and bad days. There are more good days than bad. I plan to find more activities for the winter months. It definitely helps to stay busy.

Aug 02, 2013
hugs from here
by: Anonymous

My life has been different since my husband of almost eight years passed of a mitral valve prolapse on Jan 23, 2013. Everything keeps breaking down..and all the things he use to do is sometimes overwhelming. We have six children all but one has grown up and moved away...my son who is ten did everything with my husband. He talks about his dad all the time and sometimes we tear up or just smile while thinking of him. We both have attended a grief group and it has helped quite a bit. There are days that are a struggle but I find myself keeping busy all the time. Since my husband passed at our work I really don't find time away from the fact that he is no longer with us. I miss and live him with all my heart and soul and know that he is watching over us! I wish heaven had visiting hours...I really need his hugs and great smile! Hugs from here babe!

Jul 18, 2013
Lost him
by: Anonymous

My husband! My beautiful Edwin married 21 yrs two wonderful children! Lost him seven months ago my heart hurting still very much! Not sure what to say yet I am alive ! I don't know why?


Jun 12, 2013
I understand
by: Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,
I read your comment posted on may 11th about your husband who died from lung cancer. I wrote several months back and check in now and then. Maybe if I share my situation it might help you realize THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

My husband of 45 years also died from lung cancer and lived for less than a year after his diagnosis. My heart goes out to you. Doing taxes by myself was frightening too, as have been so many firsts since he died. I work and am well regarded as a professional so it is incongruous to others that I struggle with simple things like paying the bills. We had a great division of labor over those 45 years as we managed both of us going to graduate school, developing careers, and raising our children. We pretty much let each other handle the things we preferred to do and did better than the other. I manage day by day but feel totally lost without him. I recently realized that I have an existence, not a life, and he has been gone for almost a year.

I have reconnected with girl friends from high school and college, since I went to an all girls high school and then nursing school. We are planning a fiftieth high school reunion so I am looking forward to that. our "couple" friends have stayed in touch and always urge me to come visit. Our closest couple friends have all moved out of state for sunnier places so a trip would be a vacation but I can't get myself to go without him.
My kids are terrific. They live locally. One stops by almost daily, the other calls daily (she lives a little further away) and is always asking me to come over and to go away with them on every trip they take. They have a boat and I am always welcome. My brother and sisters have been there for me if I ever need them and are always trying to get me to visit and go to lunch and dinner. I have an elderly aunt who lives alone and is always in touch. I function well at work but then I just want to come home and be alone.
The problem, clearly, is me!!
I really had to chuckle today when an old high school boyfriend tracked me down through my e-mail at work (nearly impossible to do!!) to express his condolences (he really liked my husband and kept in touch with us well after we were married) and invited me to visit.
Doesn't this all sound so rosy?
It's not.
I talked to my doctor and take an antidepressant that actually is working. I don't cry, I get dressed, put on makeup, cook, etc.
It's me. I really do not want to let go of my past. Has anyone out there experienced this need to hang on to the past? I have pictures of my husband strategically placed in my bedroom, sleep best on his side of the bed, and still have his ashes, flag, favorite sweater (that I knit for him), and his Docksider shoes are in front fireplace in the family room.
hope it helps to know you are not alone in what you are going through and I wish you peace.

May 24, 2013
lost WITH OUT MY SOUL MATE
by: DEBBIE

I lost my husband on jan 7 2013 ..i am so lost so empty ,lonley ...i snuggle every night with his pillow ..My husband was sitting with me age 57 and went to drs 2 weeks prior ...said he didnt feel good call 911 ,by the time they got here ,he was code blue ...our 14 year old grandson that we raised ...was doing cpr and trying to save him ...My husband worked with me for 30 years and drove me bk and forth ,never did i do any bills or use a credit card nor did i even know how to use a debit card ...i have been home from work i was very depressed ...I am recieving grief counciling and trying to take baby steps to improve each and every day ...i pray alot ....My husbands mother said she will never talk to me ever in her life time and walked out of my life ..god will take me thru this also ..

May 11, 2013
lost
by: Anonymous

My husband of almost 46 years passed away 2 months ago from lung cancer. It had spread when he got diagnosed to his brain which was causing him to lose some of his vision. He only lived 7 weeks from the time he was diagnosed. It was so fast I still havent wrapped my head around it. We had been together since we were 16. We have two girls, grown, and 5 grandchildren and one great granddaughter That I love dearly and yet ive never felt so alone. Im 65 and part of me feels like a lost scared child. I miss him so bad I can hardly stand it. The nights and early in the morning are the worst. I know that God has gotten me thru these months. Thank God for my Church family too. I have friends that have lost their spouse 12 years ago and longer and they say it doesnt ever get easier really. I guess Ill miss him until I die and see him in heaven one day. God bless you all and I pray for all of us.

Apr 20, 2013
It's been 20 months
by: Bonnie

It has been 20 months since my husband of 44 years passed away from leukemia. I know the grief will never go away, but I thought I would be better by now. I am not! I know that everyone in the world has lost someone they love and that some didn't get 44 years of marriage or time with their loved ones. I am so selfish that I think I feel worse about this that anyone ever could. The grief comes in waves and I am at a real low point. I pray for strength and pray my husband will send me a sign to keep me going until I can join him again.

Apr 04, 2013
The Loss Of My Love
by: Darlinda

I Lost my husband (Jerry) February 21, 2011. The pain and grieving is hard to this day. We met at 13, went to school with one another...and fell in Love. Married him when I was seventeen. Married 42 years and then he gets pancreatic cancer and passes 3 weeks later. It was so fast I had hardly time to think. I Thank God, but do I mean it, I would rather have him here with me. The emotions of anger, at God, at Jerry for leaving me and the pure loneliness of sleeping alone after 42 years. In my eyes I am still married, he is just waiting on the other side for me.

Mar 20, 2013
It doesn't get better
by: Kay

Eleven days ago the love of my life (55years),my best friend lost his battle with dementia. I think as time has passed, it seems harder to deal with. He was in a care facility for 6 months (I took care of him for 6 years) and I did little to deal with his clothes. His drawers are still full of junk, closet has clothes and shoes, garage has medical equipment, old glasses, hearing aids. I am afraid if let it go, he will go. I know this is not rationale. I am dreading opening each sympathy card, yet so many have heartwarming notes, they all remind me he is gone in body. My heart has a hole. I have groups to get back to, quilts to finish, and other things that have been on hold. I am not as strong as I used to be. I had been journaling,volunteering, etc. Just not me any more. I just ramble some days.

Feb 02, 2013
lost
by: nan

I lost my husband on november 25th 2012 .We were married 48 years.I have read all your coments and all I do is cry because you all feel the same way I do.I cannot write much,so maybe mext time. god bless you all.

Oct 30, 2012
I want him bck
by: Anonymous

I lost my husband 2 weeks ago and I'm in so much pain it takes all my will to breath. We have three young children and his death was sudden. I'm lost without him. I know that we will be fine, I have amazing friends and my husbands family is very supportive. I just want him back.
Please send you prayers out for us.

Oct 17, 2012
Recent Loss
by: "linda"

I lost my husband in july and seem so alone as we were together over 38 years,since I was 16.I came home from work and found him.We did everything together.He passed at 56 years old-? heart attack.I feel at this time I can never get over this tragedy.

Aug 22, 2012
Loss of Husband
by: Kelly Wetzel

I lost my husband October 2010, 2 days after our only son got married. It was so unexpected, he was only 48 years old. I don't think I can ever accept it. We were together for 28 years and had celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary in April 2010. I miss him everyday, some days I feel so lost and broken. I am so sorry for all your losses.

Aug 14, 2012
Loss of husband
by: Mari

I meant to say it would be 3 yrs in Nov and I put 4.
Tina your loss is quite recent and I know it is especially hard for you right now. We are here for you.
In due time you will find yourself wanting to do more. Remember that God is always with you and understands how you feel.
As for me I still my miss husband but am coming along.I have my job and my family. My grandchildren still miss him and my parents miss him. I think of him often.
Take care of yourself and keep us posted on how you are doing. I have had a lot of memories to deal with. I well remember driving from one of my ROP classes and it occurred me to press onstar and let my husband know where I was. I always did this and the thought was fleeting.Those kinds of things can happen. I suppose I will always miss him but the pain eases with time.

Aug 14, 2012
Loss of husband
by: Mari

I am truly sorry for your loss, all of you who have posted. Some of the losses are quite recent. I can tell you that it takes time to get through these things.
We have loved and taken care of sick spouses and it leaves us with no where to turn. We spent years with them and they were a part of us.
I am on my third year and the anniversary is Nov 22.It will be 4 years.
I am much better but still miss him and the grand children miss him. I feel comforted that I had a dream of heaven and he was there and Jesus standing there. I do not think we have those kinds of dreams for no reason.
Anyway just ake things a day at a time. There will be sad times and good times. Remember God is with us every minute and we can make it through.

May 01, 2012
Broken
by: Tracy

I lost my best friend and husband, Tom, 2 weeks ago, but it feels like an eternity since I was last able to see or touch him. We had been together for 28 years, since I was 16. I have never been on my own and this is very scary for me. He lost a very short 8 week battle with cancer. We spent all our time before and during his illness together, he did so much for me. We have 2 grown children to help me, but just not the same. I already feel so out of place around others. They all have that other person, and then there is me. I have put pictures of him up everywhere so I can always see his face, and wear a necklace with his ashes in it every day. I worry every day about how I will face even every day things. Haven't even made it back to work, just going out in public is hard. I know this will be a long road, but hoping by keeping my faith, and keeping family and friends close I can make it though a little easier.

Mar 19, 2012
loss of husband
by: Mari

My heart goes out to all who have lost their husbands. They are with the Lord and we are here to carry on as best as we can. My husband passed away on Nov 22nt 2009. I still miss him but have faith I will see him again.
God has sure stood by me. He has provided. He is Jehovah Jireh, my provider. Not only comfort but in many ways.
When the weather changes I miss him. When I come home to an empty house I miss him. But God compensates. I have a little great granddaughter who is one yr old.I have 18 other grandchildren and my mom who is 85 so it is 5 generations now.
To all of you who are in grief I encourage you to stay close to the Lord. He is always there for you. And we are here for you too on this wonderful board. Take care. Mari

Mar 18, 2012
My husband is gone, but I will see him again.
by: Anonymous

I loss my husband suddenly Jan. 2011 of a heart attack. I came home found him lying on the floor next to the computer. I'm sure he was planning our next trip! My husband and I did everything together. We were best friends. It's been over a year seems like yesterday. I miss him so much!!! I've been missing alot of work...I wish I could stop working all together..I'm not a lazy person as a matter of fact lazy is far from who I am. Lord please continue to help me through this time in my life.. My best friend is gone, I have to do everything by myself..it's just alot Lord..I believe one day we will meet again..can't wait until that day :)

Mar 04, 2012
missing him
by: Anonymous

My husband died of a heart attack in Jan 2012. I am lost without him. I know life goes on. We have a 14 year old daughter and she keeps me busy. It is so hard to see people laughing and enjoying there families when I am dying inside. Your friends don't know what to say and eventually stop coming around. You do find out who your true friends are during difficult times.
When your spouse dies suddenly it is easy to have regrets- why did I say the things I said or why didn't I say things, did he know how much I loved him? these thoughts run through your mind daily. I am coming to realize that I can't change what has happened and know that he is in heaven. But, I am left here to raise our daughter and have to find a way to keep going. The bills have to be paid the yard has to be mowed and life keeps going. Everywhere I look in the house brings back memories of him..good and bad. There are days I don't think I can stay in this house, then realize I could never leave.
Faith in God keeps me going knowing one day I will see him again. Love and Miss you SHB

Sep 16, 2011
Loss Of A Husband
by: carol vicente

I lost my husband on 5-17-11 and it"s so hard for me i have four girls and i don"t know to start anything in my life....we were married 13 years... and if any body knows the road i need to go in god"s name i need heelp...my e-mail is jesussaidforevervicente@yahoo.com...

Jun 08, 2011
lost
by: Tina

My husband passed away in April and I can't seem to get past the notion that I am alone. I have the added extra stress that I am in a foreign country by myself. I am looking at pictures of us together. He battled cancer for two years and I tended to him for that time and I couldn't do anything else but think of him. He was a warrior during that time and didn't fear death. My bad days and good days seem to fuse together. Lately, I can't eat first thing in the morning like I used to. My son is visiting and will leave soon and I dread that day.

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