loss of Husband

by Mari

It will be 3 years on Nov 22nt since my husband went to be with the Lord. I took care of him the last year when he was so sick. The first year was filled with grief and strange events around the house, vivid dreams and memories. I thought I would never be able to cope on my own but have managed to do it with the help of Jesus my Lord and savior.
I still think of him saying,''You are beautiful, Honey'' He could be so sweet. He adored the grand children. There are sure a lot of them. I remember a ride to Moreno Valley to see a new grandson. It was raining so hard and we took 2 alternate routes. I am so glad I have pics of him holding the new baby.That baby is now 22 yrs old.
I am sorry he did not get to see the great grand daughter who is 1 1/2 years old.He adored my mother who is 86 years old. My granddaughter who is now 14 had a very rough time with the loss.She was grandpa's girl.
I have continued working and am busy with church activities. I realize I will see him again. I had a vivid dream about him and Jesus was there and I was too. I will never forget that dream because my husband looked healthy.
My birthday is Nov 20th and that day will never be quite the same. I remember bringing him a piece of cake from my daughter's house and 2 days later he was gone.He died peacefully in his sleep.
I can never forget the kindness of our local police department.They were wonderful. 3 years seems like a long time in a way. I have gone through a healing process but still think of him. One day I was coming from my ROP class all of a sudden I thought to press the onstar button in my car and let him know where I was. Because that is what I always did. another memory. Well. God gave him to me and I am thankful for our time together.

Comments for loss of Husband

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Apr 20, 2013
for Doreen with blessings
by: Mari

Hi Doreen. You have a lot of courage and faith. Even with painful arthritis you watch Christian television and get comfort and blessings that way.You sound positive even when you are not feeling well. That is God in you.
I am doing well and find that taking things a day at a time with faith helps me. I am involved in church activities.We had movie night at church and it was fun. The Jericho walkathon is Sunday. But I am working 24 hours straight first. I will get off in time for the walkathon.My church is a blessing and the activities never seem to end. Keep me updated on how you are doing. God blsee you. Mari

Apr 17, 2013
for Doreen with blessings
by: Mari

Hi Doreen. I am so happy to hear from you. I am glad that you still serve God even though you cannot get to church. Those programs are a blessing and God is everywhere anyway.
I too have given a lot of things away.The Bible says that if a brother needs something and you have it, give it to him. You are doing what God wants you to do.
Steve must have been a blessing in your life, a genuinely nice person. You were a blessing to him too. All we can do is to be thankful we had wonderful husband's.
I am watching my grandchildren grow up and become responsible adults. The 3 19 year olds are working and have cars. The great grand baby Aubree is 2 now and a little love.
The secret to recovery is what you are doing, serving God. I am sorry you have arthritis but just work with your doctor the best you can.
I am still working and balance work and church. We have a Jericho walkathon coming up, a food giveaway, even a movie night, Women's Bible study,plus the regular services.My parents have birhdays coming up May 10th and they will be 85 and 86, can you believe both on May 10th? lol I also have a sleepover at work, 24 hours. I am a door greeter at church. God is good. He gave me a new life. Please keep writing me as it means a lot. God bless you. Mari

Apr 17, 2013
To Mari with every Blessing
by: Doreen U.K.

Mari I received your post today and Bless you. You replied to everyone on your list. What a beautiful act of friendship and care.
It is coming up to one year I lost my precious Steve. It feels longer. I have done a lot of things this year. Things I gave away too quickly and should have kept. But It was my way of Blessing others.
I am so happy that you are doing O.K. and that you have found a level of contentment where you are. This is How God's wants us to be and I guess he left us here for a purpose. I can remember all my years in the Church. They were the most precious years. I am ridden with arthritis and very housebound but I get the God Channel on TV and I am fed there. I do miss Church and Hope one day God will take me back. I have been in Church all my life and no one can take the Church out of me. This is my Hope. Eternal Life and being reunited with my STeve and all the people who touched my life, and I hope whose lives I also touched through the hand of God. My Faith keeps me strong and his mercies are new every day. My Daily Prayer is. "This is the day the Lord has given. Let us be glad and rejoice in it." So whatever God gives us we can look up and know that God is with us in our joys and our sorrows. He is our shield and our protector. If anyone needs encouragement go out and buy JOEL OSTEEN'S books. They are filled with encouragement and strength for our journey here on earth and we get a glimpse of heaven too.
I am enjoying my 2 grandchildren and wish Steve could have had the joy of loving and growing with them. But I guess I won't know this side of earth why God took my precious Steve home so soon. He is out of pain and spared the earth's sorrows. WE all soldier on knowing God goes before us and we will reach our destination and fulfil our mission and purpose on earth and can go to our rest knowing we loved and lived well and our work on earth is done. Best wishes to you and May God continually Bless you in Life.

Apr 16, 2013
loss of husband
by: Mari

HH How are you doing? I am glad I found you again on this board.You were with me encouraging me the first 3 years of the loss of our husband's. Please let me know how you are.
I am doing better. I still miss him of course.I find that I cannot sleep on his side of the bed even though it is a different bed. I dreamed of him last night, got up and felt his presence.I also find HH that I find it hard to have a meal for one.
I can say that God has helped me. It will be 3 and a half yesrs on May 22nt.I look at his picture and think how handsome he looked.
I live and work in the same town we lived in. Sometimes I feel like renting out my place and getting out of here with all the memories associated with seeing all the familiar places.But then I realize that the memories would remain anyway.
I have been on my job 2 yrs and 3 months and go to church regularly. I have learned to be content knowing he is with the Lord. The grandchildren still miss him too . I just wish he could have seen the great grand baby. She is 2 years old now. God is good.He has stood by me all the time my husband was sick and helped me through.Let me know how you are. Take care. Mari

Nov 30, 2012
for HH
by: Mari

Hi Hope. It looks like God has been with us the past 3 years. How are you doing at this time? I pray for my friends who have encouraged me the past 3 years.
I have a feeling of unreality at times. Just myself and my cat live here now. I spend a lot of time away due to work and church activities.
I will always miss my husband but the strange thing is that I have found contentment in my life and even joy because I have the Lord. I am content in my job and feel valued.
I think of my husband and things he said. Today I was watering my indoor plants and giving them vitamins and I think of how my husband would say it looked like a jungle in here.I have a lot of memories.
I love helping in the church. One day I joined a lot of the sisters in cleaning the church.I never knew cleaning could be fun but we had a wonderful time.I find joy in serving in some way.
Take care of yourself and let me know how you are. God bless you. You have been a great source of encouragement to me.

Nov 28, 2012
for Doreen
by: Mari

Hi Doreen. I want you to know that I am thinking about you. My prayers are that you find comfort. Our losses have been difficult to say the least.I am truly sorry for what your husband went through.
I have a scripture for you that I often quote. It is from Psalm 46;1. It reads. God is our refuge and our strength, an ever present help in trouble'' We really need God when we are going through bad times. You are on my mind and heart.
Nov 22nt was the 3 years since I lost my husband and I am doing alright. There are moments that I feel a kind of sadness.I am better. My life consists of work and church. Our church stays very busy and it helps me a lot.My birthday was on Nov 20 and I wondered how I would feel as my husband never forgot my birthday. On the 21st of Nov I received a call from a brother at church saying to show up the next evening as a birthday party was being given for me and it was like a blessing. I had no idea. We spent the evening gathering up Christmas lights and decorations for our tree. There was much laughter and joy.We ate peach and apple pie and there was much fellowship. It was like God saying,''You are loved.''
And you know Doreen. You are loved. God adores you and time will help you heal.Let me know how you are. Everyone cares.

Nov 28, 2012
for HH
by: Mari

Hi HH. I think about you esp since the 3 years have probably passed for you too. God has helped us make it through. I was not at all sure how the day would be for me. My birthday was Nov 20th and my brothers and sisters at church gave me a birthday party. We had a wonderful time and it made me feel so loved. Then 2 days later was the 3 year anniversary of my husband going to be with the Lord and it really wasn't too bad, a bit of sadness of course but thankful that he had been in my life. It is a strange feeling. I miss him but things are better for me. I have managed to make a new life for myself and accept the fact that God is in charge.
I divide my time between work and church and whatever needs to be done at home. Please let me know how you are. I do think about you and hope you are getting along okay. I guess there will always be a touch of sadness but we are strong and have made it through. Take care and God bless you.

Oct 16, 2012
For HH
by: Mari

Hi HH. I remember meltdowns in the beginning and they went on for a while.One day when leaving the home I saw the neighbor lady who has a heart of gold. I ran and cried in her arms.
I can honestly say many wonderful people were there for me.
I have been doing fine, lots of extra work days and differently shifts. Strangely enough these shifts work in perfectly with my church activities.We all miss my husband and always will.
At first I was tempted to rent out my home and go elsewhere but one cannot escape memories that way. That is what I wanted to do.But I have Jesus to get me through.
Anyway it sounds to me that you are doing much better. I appreciate that I had you to post messages to and you always understood how I felt.You are like a dear friend.
One thing HH that I will certainly do is a write up a note of appreciation in our local paper for the police department.We have an awesome caring police dept and they were just wonderful and comforting. I will write it as close to the anniversary date as possible.
Anyway we are proof that women are strong and that God is with us. Take care.

Oct 01, 2012
3 years in
by: HH


The funny thing about melt downs is I do not expect them. Early in grief I knew to keep a bandana handy. I would try not to focus on memories while at work to keep them at bay. But I have come so very far and am making a new life for myself. I am actually enjoying this new found independence dumped on me against my will.

I guess as in a post long ago but within my (our) grieving time "The harder you loved the harder you grieve" So true...

Thankfully the meltdowns are few and far between. I hated being told it would get easier in the beginning. But it is true but grief takes its time and can not be rushed. The ups and downs the emotional roller coaster of grief is a ride we all have to take and survive in order to make this "New Normal for ourselves"

All my best and hope you are well

Sep 30, 2012
For HH
by: Mari

I can understand the melt downs as I have had plenty of grief myself. I am glad you have someone to encourage you and help you a long.
As regards the 3rd year it is different. We are clearly making it through but we are bound to have some sadness at times.I am very much comforted by church and work and stay busy and to be positive for my family and my own well being. There is an empty place and my grandchildren and myself still feel it. I always ask God to lift me up when I feel sad. At least I did have my husband in my life.
I am glad you enjoyed the concerts and hope the chili cook off was fun too. I have a feeling you will recoup any financial loss.We have to have fun and concerts and chili cook off's are fun things.
I am looking forward to more church activities. I get spiritual fulfillment and joy from the church. Anyway take care of yourself and keep us posted.
I have thought about you and it sounds as if you are coming a long. The melt downs will go away in due time. What you have been through is not easy and believe me I understand. But God is with you every minute and will see you through. Take care.

Sep 30, 2012
for Doreen
by: Mari

Hi Doreen. I realize that the early stages of grief are very hard to get through. I used to wonder if I ever would.It just takes time and eventually you feel a change.It is like acceptance.We have no choice but to keep going. After a time we start to put the pieces back together.
My faith is strong. I need the joy in the Lord to keep going. My grandchildren are growing up and time is going by.A new generation comes about.In a way it is sad because the husband I loved is not here.But a little great grand baby is a joy to have and for my mother too who is a great great.I still feel so young and am thankful for this turn of events.I feel that God has poured out the blessings.
You will do fine. Just trust in the Lord and keep going. We are here for you and care how you feel. We have been there and experienced how it feels. When I am in church or the women's Bible study group I feel comfort, God's love around me and I feel strong and want to comfort others who are going through losses. May God be with you and be sure to post. Take care.

Sep 29, 2012
loss of Husband
by: Doreen U.K.

Mari I am sorry for your loss of your husband. Your story is full of HOPE for us in the early stages of grieving. Sadly our husband's die but to die in one's sleep is a Blessing. My husband died over a 3yrs battle with cancer. He died slowly in pain. You seem to have a strong Faith which has allowed you to move forward with a Positive outlook. You also have this forward thinking of Eternal Life to come when you will be reunited with your husband again. This is the Blessed Hope that gets us through this life because we know that this is not our Eternal Home we are just passing through. Nevertheless the grief experience is very painfull after our loss. It is something we have to experience. We don't have to force this or invent the feelings of grief. They are just there. Having a job and also the Church does help immensly. Getting involved in some project or other is beneficial for the healing process. Saying that we have to feel the grief otherwise we won't heal. There will also be a ministry for you from your loss that will benefit others. As God says. Go and comfort others with the comfort you have received from God. May God continue to heal and Bless You. Thank you for sharing your story which will give Hope to others that there is life after grief.

Sep 29, 2012
courage and strength 101
by: Anonymous


It is so good to see you here. My friend in grief as are the others that are 3 years in. When I feel crummy I think of this site and think...The people here are in new grief. I think of the first year as new grief because it is the year of firsts. Stuggling through each memory that reminds of of exactly what we lost. Reaching towards the "New normal" that seemed impossible to grasp.

Now almost 3 years in I wonder how I have survived yet know that there is a new strength in me that came with grief. There is also a new independence that I spoke of in the past calling it being selfish. Perhaps a wrong choice of words. Actually is it more experiencing things we never did before knowing that this is NOW OUR life and we had better live it knowing how it can be taken a way in a flash. A scaled down bucket list so to speak.

I have traveled gone to concerts and now am broke as hell and would not change a thing. I am back to hand to mouth existence but that will not stop me from going to the chili cook off next weekend.

But here is the thing, I believe as I always have that Paul is still with me as he has been all along since his death. Some how family being his number one priority in life has made him my gaurdian angel in death.

Yesterday I had a total unexpected meltdown at work just before I was to serve lunch to 350 middle school children. I could NOT stop sobbing and I begged in my mind to Paul and the powers that be to please spread a calm over me as people do not understand these meltdowns and do not tolerate such behavior.

within 5 minutes a calm enveloped me, a peace as though that meltdown had never occurred. I had called my grief counselor trying to get her to just snap me out of it so that I could continue with my day. She was unavalible. But later called and told me that she does not tire of me calling now and them but sees the strong fantastic person that I have become though the grief process. The ups and downs the stresses and though I can not remember her words she basically called me remarkable and couragous with the stresses that I go though yet still continue to climb up that hill. Over and over again regardless of what stands before me.

I am proud of how far that I have come yet it is more of a wonder to people from the outside of grief that know exactly what it takes to do so.

I am proud of myself and I hope that all that take this horrible grief ride know just how amazing that they are too. We will never take life for granted ever again and live life to the fullest not just talk about it as a future thing or a saying that people throw around.

Hats off to you and everyone here having the strength and courage of the most fierce lion protecting not just himself but all around him.

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