loss of my 15yr old daughters dad

my 15yr old daughter lost her daddy suddenly to a heart attack on 12-23-2011. he was found dead in his sleep by his father and he was only 43 years old. at fist i feel that she went numb because she didn't react like i thought she would - especially during the funeral process. it's been almost two months now, and she has just started counseling but she also has started having an attitude with me and her step dad, who she loves like a father. i have no idea how to help my baby girl deal with her sadness and all the stages of greif she will be going through. if anyone has any advice for me, it would be greatly appreciated. she has lost the desire to get up and go to school, and her grades are falling drastically. she has severe ups and downs and then won't talk about anything. she says she is "fine" but i know better - she was his only child, and they had a special relationship. he and i have been divorced for 12 years, but remained friends for her sake. what to do, what to do.

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Oct 31, 2012
My Daughters Father was laid to rest Monday
by: Celest

This is so complicated. My daughter lives with her grandmother, and has since she started school. It was an agreement made so she could attend a suburban school. However, over the years it turned into me barely getting to spend time with her. Her Father lived in the apartment his Mother had built downstairs from the main house, with our daughter. So I know it is killing her that he will no longer be coming home. He was also a firemen and his death was not even work related, and he was only 40...actually 39 he turned 40 while brain dead in the hospital. You would think, that after five months it might be easier for her, but I doubt it. Now knowing when a child loses a parent they cling to the other...like...at the luncheon after the service, she kept hugging me, even after saying goodbye to one another several times. The reason for the goodbyes...his Mother is very domineering and because I am not as financially sound I feel to be made inadequate, so most of time when I "ask" for time...I get denied. I'm reading up on things to find solace, I also attend school already to become a counselor, so I'm deathly afraid of what can happen. If she cannot find comfort from me (though she does have lots of family on his of the family for support) I just hope & pray she doesn't find in a drug or drink. I know it's to bury feelings you cannot sooth...trust me I know. My daughter and I have a kindred connection, even though I'm not there when we are together, there are no words only embraces, kisses, talking and understanding. Her Father and I got to see one another only four days before this all happened, and though we hadn't seen one another in a long time we were very cordial and still friends. We embraced, kissed and laughed together. He also told her about it! She was so happy over it! During the whole time, I kept in contact with his Mother was at the hospital often, at hospice often, and at the funeral was sat three rows back with my friends while the Mother of his two youngest children set in the first row with my daughter and the family. This is not about me, but about what my daughter witnessed, the separation, the disconnection and I'm so afraid it will get worse over time as his Mother will want more control over the relation now. The video at the service had the most recent and last pictures of her Father and I that will ever be. My daughter lit up and pointed at them every time they came up, with this big smile! I ask for a copy and of course was denied. I want to be selfish, and be there for my daughter like right now...but am being reserved, giving his Mother time to grieve. I can't even grieve with my daughter, and made the mistake of telling her you have to be strong for grandma, but the way she held onto me...who's going to be strong for her?

Apr 02, 2012
Teenage Loss
by: Carol

My daughter died suddenly leaving two daughters ages 14 and 16. Each one reacted differently. One hid her grief and behaved in ways that endangered her future. The other became clingy. Our family answer was to come together and love one another in visible ways. All of us suffered but we each did it our own way but together. Sometimes just being with a grieving person without talking about their loss helps. Sometimes talking about your faith helps. Sometimes nothing but the passage of time will help. Just love her and let her know it.

Feb 26, 2012
What to do What to do
by: Helen

Hi I lost my father just over 3 weeks ago, my husband is beside himself as he has no idea how to help. I've told him to hug, and hold my hand, when I ask and not to get frustrated with himself when I'm crying or in pain. Also there are times when he could feel that, my feelings should become less, showing him this site and the stages of grieving has given him some insight Your daughter is in great pain & going through the grieving process, luckily you had the insight to get help for her. Your daughters anger is being directed at the ones she loves and as we all know teenagers emotions can run rampant at times. Let her know you love her. I have felt your daughters emotions, and pain and grief, why did he die? what if scenerios, wish I could tell him how much I love him, she is processing how, why her dad died. Also what is the purpose of life without her dad. Sleeping a lot is a coping mechanism for the pain. School grades to your daughter may not mean anything to her as she sifts through all her emotions and grief. Stand by your daughter, tell her you love her and let her know that you are there to talk to if need be. As an observer of her pain it may be hard and frustrating to watch, and it is hard to know when to step in, or take a step back. It's an old cliche yet true. Love helps the healing process. You've got it share it with your daughter, her health is more important than school at this moment

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