Loss of my brother

by Deb
(Northwest Indiana)

I lost my brother to suicide Father's Day. I posted earlier on this and the immense grief I am feeling. It has been 4 weeks and I am finding it so hard to get back into the swing of things. I am a Realtor and I have to be motivated to sell homes or be upbeat for my clients. I am slowly trying to get back on track, but I feel so numb or find it hard to be excited for anything, however I am trying my best to put on a good face.

It seems people dont want to talk about it anymore except for my sister and I( we were very close to our brother). It appears I have to find private time to call her so that we can grieve together while everyone around me thinks I should be fine by now.

My mother is also dying now and I know soon I will have to deal with her death which will be so hard.

My question is how does one grieve over the tragic loss of their beloved brother while preparing themselves for the loss of our beloved mother? I know God will only give me what I can handle, but this seems to be so hard to figure out.

Before my brother died, I had a spirit and was so active and loved to run and since he passed away, I find no motivation to get out and run or do any type of excersise. I just do what I have to do to stay busy, but when I am alone with my thoughts, I grieve so bad for my brother and invision those final moments when he put that gun to his head and now I have my mom slowly dying and it pains me to see the life slipping our of her.

Oh I wish this pain would go away:(

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Jul 19, 2013
Thank you
by: Deb

Thank you both for your encouraging words. The harshest words from people to me is that my brother CHOSE to put that gun to his head. I believe from talking to him before that, it was a moment of anger at his wife and he just had enough. Nothing was going right for him no matter what my sister and I tried to encourage him to do.

I just miss him so much, he was such a funny guy and everyone loved him, even though we who were close to him knew his on going battles within.

I may look up local grief chapters around here to see if there are any on suicide. It just seems the way he did it with a 357 to his head is hard to find anyone with the same harsh ending.

I am glad for this web site, it seems there are many in the world here that have it worse:(


Jul 19, 2013
Loss of my brother
by: Doreen U.K.

Deb Grief over a loss of a loved one is the worst experience ever. When someone dies through suicide a lot of people need the support of a grief counsellor who is trained and skilled to help one cope with this type of grief. You just have to make sure you get the right counsellor which may mean trying many till you find the right one for you who will also help support you whilst also coping with your mother now dying. Your grief starts the day you find out someone is dying so this grief started first and then your brother's death by suicide just doubled this grief for you. What you are coping with is such a heavy burden. Don't expect too much of yourself. My husband died 14 months ago of Cancer and he was terminal for over 3yrs. and the battle was intense and heavy. But after losing him this is when I have lost my motivation. It took me months to be able to do just one thing a day. I started doing the most important things and left the rest. Grief assaults the body. It makes one feel as if they have been beaten up. This is the time to REST. If you push yourself too hard beyond endurance you will break down. It is almost like pushing a 10 ton truck uphill.
14 months on from grief I still feel all beat up. I can't get motivated to do anything. Each day will be different. Days you will do a lot and some days do nothing. I am glad you have your sister for support. Stay close and support each other as this is what is going to help you to Heal from Grief. Give up running for a while. One day you will be able to do this. Be prepared to give up anything you can't do just now. YOu will get this motivation back. Doesn't matter how long it takes. Many of us find out that other people think we should move on and you will also find out you lose friends and even family members from your life. THIS HURTS. Just when you need someone they ostracise you. they no longer want to hear you. State your needs and if others don't want to listen you may find yourself with fewer friends but have the REAL one's you need. This is the time you find out who is for you. Please write back and keep us updated about your mom. May God comfort you at this difficult time and bring you the peace you need.

Jul 18, 2013
For Deb
by: Wendy

Deb~You are in a terrible place right now. Grief strikes hard and takes a good while to turn to mourning. This is my experience in losing my son at age 21. I believe the suicide piece brings a great deal more to figure out. The problem is I don't know that any of us ever figure it out. Where is your support network? Finding people who have experienced grief will be much more supportive than people who have not. It is good you have your Sister and I hope you both find additional support people to hold on to. Don't let your expectations get too high about a time line of recovery. I had a career very similar to yours and after 1 1/2 years I realized I just could not do it anymore. I am now in a different job that is more suited to who I am at this point. God bless you and good luck. Hold on to your sister and your Mom for as long as you can.

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