Loss of My Grandmother

by Brittney
(Shelbyville, IN)

My Grandmother was a very special person in my life!! I was always staying over at her house on the weekends and during the summer or whenever I was out of school. We did all the normal stuff a grandmother and her granddaughter would do. We went shopping, we cooked, we went and visited with family, we did things for other, etc. I never pictured a day that she would be gone from this earth.

It all started right before Christmas of 06'. My grandma was hospitalized for stomach pain and jaundice (yellowing of the skin). They did a CT scan and found she had a tumor on her liver. They proceeded to run test and do scans. They found that the tumor was cancerous.

February 7, 2007 my grandmother was going to have surgery to remove the cancerous tumor and and tissues around it that may be infected. She was in surgery for 8 hours. They ended up not being able to remove the cancer. The doctor said that the cancer had spread. By this point the cancer had spread from her liver to her bile duct and pancreas areas. The doctor told us that chemo/radiation would not help and she did not want to under go that kind of treatment anyways. They told us that she only had 6 months to live.

It was so hard to imagine that in 6 months my grandmother could be gone. I still stayed over there all the time and did everything I could to help her. I had a vacation scheduled in July and I was going to stay home to help my grandma and she told me that I needed to go ahead and go enjoy myself.

I was supposed to be on vacation for 3 weeks. A week after I got a call from my mom saying that my grandma was getting worse and I needed to come home. I was a wreck. I just could not imagine being without her. I come back the day I got the call from my mom and when straight to my grandmothers. She was slowly fading and I could see it before my very eyes.

At this time my grandmother was at her home because she did not want to be in the hospital any more. We had her medically sedated to keep the pain at a minimum. She was hardly awake during this time. We had family and friends in and out all the time. I stayed at my grandma's side for a week and half when I got back from vacation. We had a hospice nurse in and out... she would tell us that it could be anytime and my grandma would be gone. It just kept getting worse and worse. I was so torn up but yet I knew I had to be strong for my grandpa, mom, uncle, and other family and friends.

On August 6, 2007 I had plans to stay the night with my cousin just to get away and deal with things. Unfortunately the hospice nurse was there and said she thought my grandma would pass with in a few hours. I ended up just staying at my grandmas that day instead of leaving. It was my grandpa, uncle, and I that were there. My parents had been there and then went home for a break and the family had been in and out all day.

It was probably around 9:00 pm. My grandpa had given my grandma her scheduled dose of morphine. I had fallen asleep about 10:30 and at 12am (August 7, 2007) I heard my grandpa get up and it was time for my grandma's next scheduled dose of morphine... My grandpa went and prepared the morphine and went to give it to her... At this time she was not breathing.

We woke up my uncle, my grandpa called the hospice nurse for her to come over and to tell us for sure- even though I already knew, and we started calling other family members. Family came over and we were all just kind of numb. I could not end up staying there that night. I ended up going to stay with my cousin like I had originally planed to.

The next few days were pretty crazy. We went to the funeral home to make arrangements, went through pictures for the board and stuff at the funeral home, etc. etc. The showing was on a friday (Aug.10-My cousin Nici's birthday). The showing went better than expected for me. I cried but not as much as I thought I would.

After the showing a bunch of my family and close family friends went out to dinner to just enjoy each others company and try to celebrate Nici's birthday a little bit. The funeral was on Saturday morning. I was such a wreck on this day. It was the last time for me to see my grandmother!! :( I could not quit crying!! It hit me really hard!! I was her only grandchild....

Still to this day- almost two years later, it is still very hard for me with out my grandma.... I miss her so much... I think about her all the time.... I have not been able to stay at the house with my grandpa since the day that my grandma died... It was hard for me to go in the house for a long time... now i can go in there but I just can't bring myself to stay.

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