Loss of my greatest protector

by Lisa
(Canada)

My dad past away last month from cancer. His death was unexpected in that he was the most active and hard-working person I knew. It took only 5 weeks from the day of diagnosis for his life to end.

When I look back at the memories that I have with my dad I am at a loss for words. My dad has always been my greatest protector and supporter. He used to call me everyday and ask how I am. Each phone call would end with: if you ever need something call me.

I am not romanticizing when I look back. I always knew that he loved me very much. Everyone knew we were very close. I would come home on the weekends just to see my father because we had that type of bond.

And he literally gave me everything he could. He worked hard and sacrificed for me. He was a family man and his family was always his top priority. His one wish in life was to see me graduate and he always used to say that once he witnessed that he could die happy. Unfortunately, he never got to see it.

And as the days pass by the grief grows stronger. Time does not heal the pain. Our moments together have slipped from my hands and I literally feel empty.

I hope that me sharing my experience can be of aid to others. I know that one day I will find happiness again and try to live without him. I was lucky enough to have a very loving father-- and I know I was not entitled to keep him forever. The truth is that death is inevitable-- it must happen. No matter how much time I got with him, I would have never been ready to live without him.

Lisa

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Sep 19, 2012
My Mom, my best friend
by: Noreen

Hi All. Like Lisa, I lost my beautiful Mom to Cancer at 71, recently. Though she was first diagnosed many years ago, she always came through, but every time was a new potential time of grief and celebration so I tried to prepare myself either way. I am so grateful she was spared and lived long enough to see all of her 13 grandchildren grow up. But now that I am semi-retired and my children are both away at college, and my dog passed before Mom, I am overwhelmed with the loneliness that I can no longer share with Mom. I talk to her and have her pictures in my car because I love to see her beautiful smiling face, but the shock and post-mortem grief is beginning now. Her birthday and mine are approaching. I know October will be a tough month. I am able to work and continue basic tasks, but my thoughts are scattered and fuzzy. I know this is normal and I experienced it when my dog died, but I am honestly wondering where to put the pain some days and who to talk to. People mean well when they offer cliches but I really would prefer they just ask me about Mom or ask me how they can help. Listening and relating seems to help me. I don't want to hear she is in a better place. I wanted her to be living her wonderful life she so deserved right here. She battled cancer more courageously than I ever imagined as I discovered in some of her notes or journal entries she left behind. She would never confide in the 5 of us, her children. I wish she had. I asked her many times to talk but she never would. I wanted to ask her to write me a special letter before she passed when we would discuss hospice and her wishes. I never did ask because I thought it would be unfair to her. I keep wishing I'd find a letter in a drawer that she wrote to each one of us. I did save every one of her birthday cards to me. They are the letters I guess I wished for. She was writing them all along! We said many goodbyes during her hospice time. She kissed us and smiled in every picture right up until the end. She never burdened us and it was an honor and a privilege to help her and comfort her every single day until she passed. Her last 3 breaths were the most beautiful breaths I've ever seen and being there WITH her holding her hand was God's gift to me. I am truly thankful but am still trying to figure out where to place myself emotionally until the pain subsides. I am able to laugh and enjoy things. It's just those waves of grief that come tumbling in mostly mornings and evenings. I think I'd like to do something very special in honor of her so I am working on some things. My husband is a wonderful man who does the best he can to help and support. My kids just help by staying happy. xox

Sep 19, 2012
Loss of my greatest protector
by: Doreen U.K.

Lisa I am sorry for your loss of your dad to cancer. I lost my husband of 44yrs. to cancer
4 1/2 months ago. I know that death is inevitable for all of us, but it is never easy when it comes. Unless one knows what grief feels like you wouldn't want to experience this. The only good thing about death is that our loved one is not suffering anymore. Their pain and suffering has ended. We go on in life and don't know what we will have to experience. It is then we miss our Dad or husband or mum. the one we need then is not here to support us in our pain. I find myself reaching out to tell my husband something and realize that this is not a dream. He is really GONE and never coming back. Grief is a journey we all have to take in life and just let the process take its work until we find ourself in a place of HEALING one day from our loss.

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