Loss of my husband and soul-mate

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Loss of my husband and soul-mate

by Mischelle
(Fountain City, WI)

Salmon Fishing Lake Michigan

I lost my husband Bill to a terrible work-related accident on Jan 3, 2011. 24 days shy of our 10 year wedding anniversary where we already had a trip planned to the Florida Keys. For the first couple of weeks I could not learn much of his death as I did not want to know if he suffered any pain or know that he knew he was going to die. Today I have found differently. The shock has now warn off and I can't stop crying. I tried to go back to work, but now can't function there either because its all I think about. This was my soul-mate, I knew the minute this happened because something changed in my soul and body. I have not been the same since. Since last Friday, I can't stop crying. I know that it upsets my co-workers and they understand what I am trying to deal with, but I just need the time away to regain my composure again. Waking up this morning, all I did was cry again. This hurt is beyond anything in this life I would ever have imagined. I have been reading a lot of books, but nothing has helped so far. The first couple of weeks I could feel him in our home, and now I don't feel his presence at all and that bothers me too. Being with someone for 15 years and the to have them ripped away from you just before a 10 year wedding milestone is heart-wrenching. I feel selfish. How do I go on from here?

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Loss of my husband and soul-mate

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TOO MUCH TO BEAR
by: LINDA

they say GOD DOESNT GIVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE, I DONT KNOW ABOUT THAT, BECAUSE ITS BEEN 4 MONTHS AND I CANT FUNCTION-I FEEL LIKE IM HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN THERE ARE NO WORDS OR ANYONE THAT CAN COMFORT ME--I PRAY EVERYDAY BUT I DONT FEEL ANYTHING==I CANT ACCEPT HIS DEATH SO I CANT GO FORWARD--LINDA

Lost even after 18 months
by: Anonymous

We first lost my father in law June 30th 2009 to brain cancer. Then in October 2009 my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer. We had been helping out taking care of his dad and the whole time he had this vicious disease. I hate to even say the C word. My husband passed May 11th 2010 and my life took a downward spiral. I had been on FMLA from my job to take care of him. Just as soon as he passed I was expected to return to work a week after I had buried him. Needless to say I took off time under doctors orders. We had been married almost 34 years I was completely devastated over this second loss. My lover, my soulmate, the father of my two grown children and we were expecting a new granddaughter in 4 weeks. How am I going to be able to function like a person without him in my life. I was under doctors care and being treated for depression and panic attacks
In August 2010 I asked my doctor to release me to return to work and when I called the HR Manager I was told a week later that my position had been eliminated. So now I had my third loss. My life was not looking better and I felt like why me, I am a good person, a Christian and this is happening to me.
I started collecting unemployment which was a drop in the bucket compared to what I had to pay out.
I am still without a job and apply weekly but to no avail. I am attending a Grief Support Group which is no cost at a local church.
I pray one day I will be able to function in what would be a new normal life. I miss him so much and feel his presence at times.
God Bless all of you who have suffered this type of loss. When all goes well pray for me.

life is meaningless without my jim
by: linda

i lost my husband 3 weeks ago and i cant function. all i do is cry allday-i put off going home and when im on mu way home i cry while im driving--everything is meaningless without him, i dont feel anything but grief--i dont even want to exist-i dont know what to do-

I Loved him!
by: Anonymous

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever, I was wrong. (WH Auden)

My husband of 28 years died on April 18,2011 and before I could even get to the point where I could go through his stuff - we suffered a massive forest fire in our town and had to be evacuated!!

He was my soul mate - I knew it from the very first time I met him and I don't know how I can go on - only that I have to. We have two teenager that I have to set an example for and right now I don't even know if I am capable of doing that.

I get up everyday and just exist...because I have to.

Future looks bleak, but trying to get through this with dignity and grace helps - something to strive for everyday....

We Do Go On
by: TrishJ

It's only been three months for me since my husband Joe died. I like you felt numb, dizzy, afraid and hopeless for the first 60 days. I'm now in the angry stage. I'm still frightened, very lonely but more angry than anything right now.

I met a wonderful lady on another grief website. We have been emailing each other twice a week. Her husband died 15 months ago so she has been a lifeline for me. She recommended the grief support group called GriefShare. Please check them out on the internet and sign up for the daily email support. That's how I start my day now.....by reading the email I'm sent. They have local meetings ~ there should be several in your area within a 15 mile driving distance. I went to my first meeting last Sunday and actually came home with some hope in my heart.

My husband was my lover, my best friend, my life. I will love and miss him every day for the rest of mine. When we love so deeply unfortunately we pay the price at that person's death. It all seems so unfair. That's why I'm angry right now. I still spend at least one hour each day crying. I see or hear something that reminds me of him and I have to go be by myself for 15 minutes. Nobody wants to look at my tears.
It's still overwhelming but I thinks it's getting just a wee bit better. The nights are the hardest when I lay in my bed all alone. No one to kiss goodnight. No one to tell me I'm loved.

As far as your job goes, people at work are just not comforting. Until someone has walked in your shoes they don't know the feeling. I actually had to leave my job 6 months before my husband died. My co-workers were all very understanding in the beginning of my husband's illness but lost that kindness along the way. I don't regret losing my job. Your old co-workers will expect you to move on with your life even when you aren't ready. Maybe a complete change of jobs would be best for you ~ when you are ready.
God's blessings to you. Just take one breath, one step at a time.

CONFORT
by: Anonymous

I KNOW WHAT YOUR GOING THOUGH I LOST MY HUSBAND 13 MONTHS AGO ITS VERY HARD STILL. BUT WITHOUT THE GOOD LORD AND GODS HOLY WORD I DONT KNOW WHERE ID BE. I CRYED EVERYDAY FOR SEVERAL MONTHS I STILL HAVE MY MOMENTS BUT I KNOW HE WAS A CHRISTIAN MAN SO I HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE JUST TO GAIN IM ALSO A CHRISTIAN AND LOOKING TOWARD HEAVEN SOMEDAY TO MEET UP WITH HIM CANT WAIT.

I HAVE DREAMS ABOUT HIM ALOT THE DREAMS STARTED AROUND 6 OR7 MONTHS I KNOW HES WITH ME IN SPIRIT. IM A SINNER SAVED BY GODS GRACE PRAISE THE LORD! GOD BLESS YOU!!!! I HOPE THIS IS A COMFORT TO YOU.
PLEASE DONT LET ANYONE COMPARE THEIR SITUATION WITH YOURS IVE BEEN THERE. DANIEL AND I WAS MARRIED 7 BLESSED YEARS, MARRIAGE IS A BLESSING. IN CHRISTS LOVE, AH

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Loss of my husband and soul-mate

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Loss of my husband and soul-mate