Loss of my husband and soul-mate
(Fountain City, WI)
Salmon Fishing Lake Michigan
I lost my husband Bill to a terrible work-related accident on Jan 3, 2011. 24 days shy of our 10 year wedding anniversary where we already had a trip planned to the Florida Keys. For the first couple of weeks I could not learn much of his death as I did not want to know if he suffered any pain or know that he knew he was going to die. Today I have found differently. The shock has now warn off and I can't stop crying. I tried to go back to work, but now can't function there either because its all I think about. This was my soul-mate, I knew the minute this happened because something changed in my soul and body. I have not been the same since. Since last Friday, I can't stop crying. I know that it upsets my co-workers and they understand what I am trying to deal with, but I just need the time away to regain my composure again. Waking up this morning, all I did was cry again. This hurt is beyond anything in this life I would ever have imagined. I have been reading a lot of books, but nothing has helped so far. The first couple of weeks I could feel him in our home, and now I don't feel his presence at all and that bothers me too. Being with someone for 15 years and the to have them ripped away from you just before a 10 year wedding milestone is heart-wrenching. I feel selfish. How do I go on from here?