Loss of my husband, my love

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Loss of my husband, my love

by Paulette
(Sheridan NY)

On June 13th I lost the love of my life, my husband Len. He had suffered thru 11 years of treatment for a brain tumor, and Parkinsons. He had tried everything, surgery, radiation, chemo, gamma knife, and all kinds of meds. When the tumor came back in January, he had enough, and refused any more treatments. I don’t blame him, he had gone thru a lot, but that doesn’t change the outcome.

I miss him more than I could imagine. I feel like half a person, like I am just not all here. I don’t know how I should be acting, some days I can’t seem to do anything and some days I can’t sit still. Everyone tells me that it will take a long time, but I don’t know if I can do this. This sucks. I thought I would be better at this, seeing I knew it would happen sooner or later, I knew this tumor would not stop….but I guess I am not good at this. I think I am having a good day, and then bam, I turn into a puddle over nothing. Very confusing.

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Loss of my husband, my love

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lost my husband march 2011
by: Kathie

My husband has been sick for a very long time. In 1999 and on he had over 13 major surgeries. I have been him care giver for over ten years.I have work at my job now for 18 years. When he passed away in March. I work while he was in the hospital but when I had the machines taken off he only lived 10 minutes. I never got to kiss him goodbye...He did not know that I was even there. We have been married for 37 years...we just had a very strong bond. So after I buried my husband. I went back to work about 4 days later. Still could not get into my job. So as of today 5/19/2011 I am on medical leave to get me back so I can go back to work. I will be off about four weeks and seeing a Doctor about the feelings and things I am going thru...it is very hard....So with the strength of God to get me thru and the medicine the doctors put me on and me getting the rest I need it will still take a long time to get thru but maybe I can get back to work without the crying all the time.

Loss of Husband
by:

Your entry really hit me because I too thought I was ready to face my husband's passing, having been through a long period of cancer, doctors, unpleasant things and times.

One of the last things he said to me was "I'm just so sick" and I replied "I know and I'm just so sorry". I really thought in my logical mind that I would be prepared and relieved when he found peace. So when the time came and he was indeed at peace, I still wanted him and I wasn't ready to see him go.

It's been seven months and I remember every one of those miserable days but I also remember all the years of all the activities we loved to share. That's the hard part. Things are too quiet now, but time is solving things one at a time. I'm so happy to have had the good luck and the good fortune to have had that one special person for 33 years, but parting is just plain hard.

Feeling your pain
by: Anonymous

I lost my husband 3 months ago and it's horrible. We were married almost 21 years. Everyday I wake up is a nightmare. My husband did everything. I am so lost. I have 2 kids ages 15 and 18. There are many days I don't want to go on. I can't imagine living my life without him. This is a pain so unexplainable. I am also not working and my future is so uncertain.

I am a christian and struggling with my faith. I know that God is there but it is so difficult to sense his presence. I don't understand all of this. My husband was only 43 yrs old and it was sudden. He went for a stress test due to him not feeling well and in 4 hours he was gone.

Loss of a Husband
by: Brenda

I am not sure what I would do or how I would feel if I lost my husband. He does everything for me and I am so spoiled I would be lost without him. And that does not even address how much I love him and would miss him.

I do know that just knowing that someone is very ill and that more than likely you will lose them, effects the grief you have after very little.

When I was young my mother had heart trouble although she was just in her forties. She had her first attack when I was 12. They brought her back after her heart had stopped. She had 2 more attacks, one when I was alone with her. Her heart stopped then also. Help got there in time and they were able to bring her back to us again. Shortly after I turned 15 she had her fifth and last attack. Her heart was just too damaged and weak, she could not be revived, I sat and held her hand and watched her die. I knew how sick she was and knew that she had died twice already but maybe because she had so many attacks and still lived maybe in my young mind I thought she was invincible.

But years later I had a son and when he was 16 we found out that he was Diabetic. His sugar was always sky high and he was in the hospital close to death many times. So I should have been prepared when on May 21, 2010 he joined my mother and daughter (she was born premature and did not survive) in heaven. I knew he was very sick and even talked to my husband about what we would do when he died as far as his funeral was concerned, but again I was not prepared.

I feel like my heart is gone, if you can truly call it feeling because really I am numb. Nothing seems to matter to me anymore. I do know from experience that time will make it better but right now my clock seems to have stopped.

re; loss of husband
by: Mari

I am very sorry to hear your loss. I know it is a very difficult time for you and my prayers are with you. Losing someone who is a part of you is one of the most difficult things one can go through. God will help you through it and your husband is safe with the Lord. He is not suffering anymore.

I lost my husband on Nov 22 and it has been awfully difficult. He was the love of my life. I still cry when someone talks about him. I still miss him. I look at his picture and tell him I will always love him.

What has really helped me is being very active in my church. I know that God is bringing me through. And I work hard at the complex and have the kindness of the tenants. After more then 8 months they are still bringing me food. A tenant planted flowers in my garden yesterday. I have my daughter and her husband and grandchildren. Most of all I have Jesus in my life.

What I would give if I could feel my husband's kiss on my cheek again and hear him say,''I do love you, you know.''

He was so sick the last year. He had a heart attack and lived only 4 days after having stents put in his heart. He told me one night he loved me and went to be with the Lord in his sleep.I thank God for giving me someone like him for 17 years.

Please feel free to post messages as this is a wonderful place to find comfort and caring people. God bless you.

My husband my love
by: Anonymous

I know what you are feeling, my love had a stroke 8 months ago (Nov 2009) -I have had a few meltdowns, the most recent yesterday, I woke to hear snoring - turned over to pat his back to wake him up, he wasn't there - instant tears, bad day most of the day, but ok today. I miss him like I have had an arm cut off somedays.

Keep moving, remember that he would want you to be yourself, that's the person he loved.

unfortunate but usual
by: HH

What you are going through is so very normal. and as you say confusing. It is part of the grief process which we cannot escape. As an 8th monther (as of Aug6th) The ups and downs are maddening. But like a roller coaster of life, grief has its good days and bad. Keep reading/talking this site has helped me through many confusing and awfull days and nights. HH

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